


Uninvited Guest

by carolelained



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 07:43:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 70,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20206177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolelained/pseuds/carolelained
Summary: Mulder traps Krycek and wants revenge, however things don't go as planned and backfire on him.





	Uninvited Guest

Uninvited Guest

By CarolelaineD 

It was to be a typical day today, well typical when you were me, I guess. I was to report to Skinner within the hour as it was of the uppermost importance that I did, great the man made it sound like it was a life or death matter.

Finally, I had free time and made my way to the fourth floor, I then mentally prepared myself for the usual dressing down I got from him lately. Once I felt fully composed and ready, I knocked on his door and waited for an answer, soon I was rewarded with his baritone voice telling me I could enter.

“Come in Agent Mulder and take a seat.”

“Thank you, Sir can I just ask what all this is about? I just noticed that you only asked to see me and not Scully, so I presume I’ve done something wrong yet again…”

“Well amazing as it is you haven’t done anything wrong today or recently, It’s actually regarding a certain consortium member.”

“Great, so just what has that cancerous bastard done now?”

“Stay calm Agent Mulder, as this time it’s not Spender it’s actually Alex Krycek.”

“Great my second least favourite person, so what is it you want to tell me about him then, as I only want to know if he’s dead?”

“Alex Krycek has been arrested and is in custody.”

“What at the Hoover, is he here right now?”

“No, it’s a small town outside of Washington, he’s currently in a cell awaiting transportation.”

“So, I take it that he’s going to be transferred here then?”

“Yes Agent Mulder, however you’d better get that temper of yours under control before he arrives.”

“Hang on Sir…”

“No, I mean it this time Agent Mulder.”

“But Sir… he killed my father and helped with the abduction of Scully!”

“Yes, well apparently that’s not all he’s done.”

“Yeah well believe me I’m well aware he’s responsible for many things, all I want to know is when he’ll arrive here Sir?”

“Within a few hours Agent Mulder, plenty of time for you to go and cool off.”

“Sir can we really trust a small police station with him, the man’s like Houdini when it comes to vanishing.”

“Oh, believe me Alex Krycek will wish that he could just disappear, especially when he realizes he’s coming here to see you.”

“Sir he’s faced me on many occasions, so I don’t see why this will be any different do you?”

“Krycek was caught with some files on him and a digital disk, the information was faxed straight to me as some of the evidence concerns you directly.”

“Such as?”

“It’s rather sensitive Agent Mulder, I believe it’s something you’d be better seeing for yourself.”

“Surely it can’t be that bad Sir!”

I sat there as Skinner typed something on his computer keyboard and turned the monitor towards me, he then clicked on a file and opened it.

“I’ll just pop outside and give you some privacy, afterwards I’ll have the file sent directly to you.”

I clicked on the file and opened it, there in front of me was hundreds of photos. I scanned the first few and noticed that every single photo had one thing in common, shit every photo was of someone who’d been tortured.

It was hard to tell if the people were even dead or alive to be honest, I’d never seen anyone tortured this bad since I’d worked in violent crimes and felt ill. I started scanning through as many of them as I could, it was then that I stopped and really had to stop myself from throwing up.

Shit there were at least a dozen photos that were of me, I couldn’t help but notice that I was naked in every single photo. God not that you could see much of my body though, I was covered it loads of cuts and bruises and a shit ton of blood.

I couldn’t wrap my head around any of this, I knew that they had to be fake as none of this had ever happened to me. Suddenly I didn’t want to be alone and called Skinner back into the room, maybe he could help me make some sense of it all.

“How are you holding up Agent Mulder?”

“Well let’s say it was a shock Sir to say the least, however I know that the photos are fake as this never happened.”

“We had the photos analysed Agent Mulder, it would appear that the photos are all genuine.”

“Shit there’s no way that they can be real Sir.”

“I don’t know what to say Agent Mulder, maybe Alex Krycek can shed some light onto it.”

“Yeah maybe, not that I’ll hold my breath though Sir.”

“I don’t blame you as Krycek doesn’t seem to understand what the word truth means.”

“Yeah and don’t I know it…”

My mind started to working overtime once more, maybe they had a clone of me and had used that. I just couldn’t understand why they’d do it, or where the hell the photos were taken. I couldn’t help but notice it was my apartment that was in the background, even my furniture and couch that I’d know anywhere.

There was one thing I was certain of though, Alex Krycek would wish he’d never been born when I get my hands on him.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe my own stupid dumb luck, only I could get caught while carrying a ton of consortium secrets on me. I knew that I’d suffer bigtime for this when Spender finally found out what I’d done, most likely this time he would just kill me without asking any questions.

My only saving grace was where I’d actually ended up right now, some shitty back street police station in the middle of nowhere with only two cops. At least they wouldn’t know anything with regards to myself and the consortium, also I’d made sure I’d wiped my prints from the database back when I was with the FBI.

I ended up sitting in this cell for over two hours before anyone dealt with me, finally I looked up to see a cop enter my cell.

“I’m Officer Smith, I just want to let you know what will be happening to you.”

“Well I just presumed you’d process me and then release me; you have nothing on me other than the fact I was in a restricted area.”

“Well I’m sorry but at first we’d thought that too, then we ran your prints and found the feds are interested in you.”

“Shit they can’t be, I don’t even have any fingerprints on record. Look I’ve done nothing at all and I’m innocent, I’ve never even been arrested until now. Look I ‘ll admit that I was somewhere where I shouldn’t have been, maybe you could just run my prints again and re check them.

“Fine I’ll go and see what I can do, I can’t promise you it’ll show anything different though.”

“Thanks, look I really do appreciate it.”

Great now I was stuck here pacing up and down as I waited for the officer to return, however as he returned, I could tell by his face that he knew I was far from innocent.

“I gave you the benefit of doubt and did as you asked, however it would appear that you have a record and are well known to the feds. First, it states that you were once an agent yourself and disappeared, then afterwards you went on to commit many numerous criminal acts.”

“How the hell… none of that can be in the records!”

“Apparently your prints were added to your record over two years ago, well that’s what it states here. A full record was made regarding you by a Special Agent… hold on a minute while I check his name.”

I watched as he looked down at the report he held, shit now I knew I was fucked with no way out.

“There we go, apparently it was fully updated over two years ago by Special Agent Fox Mulder.”

“Well that’s just fuckin great, I should have known it would be him as it always is. He has to stick his big nose into everything, well wait till I next see him.”

“Well it states here that you have some sort of vendetta against the agent, oh and just to top it off you killed his father.”

“Yeah well Mulder has a record of talking a load of shit.”

“Well it won’t be of any concern to me soon, within the hour you’ll no longer be my responsibility.”

“Why, shit what the hell do you mean?”

“It turns out the FBI don’t trust you at all, apparently they’re sending their own transport to collect you and take you back to the Hoover.”

With that he just turned and left me alone once more, well now I was well and truly fucked, as I knew Mulder would be there waiting for me.

Shit I realized that I was losing it and not thinking straight, I would really have to pull myself together if I wanted to get out of this alive. I couldn’t face or deal with Mulder right now, hell it would be worse it they’d looked at the files I was carrying.

I knew Mulder wouldn’t stop until he got his precious answers, which I knew would result in my suffering yet again. Then to make matters worse Spender would soon find out, also I’d be a sitting duck while they held me there.

I weighed up all my options and finally decided, it would be far easier to escape from here than Mulder and the Hoover building. I knew that there were only two officers here at one time, one who was old and another working the desk. All I had to do was get the older cop to come back inside my cell, after that it’d be easy dealing with the other one.

I called Officer Smith over, I then behaved polite and was respectful as I asked him for a drink. I knew all about my rights and what I was entitled to while here, also I’d had nothing to drink since arriving and that worked in my favour.

I just stood there and waited for him to return, once he walked into my cell, I made my move on him. It wasn’t anything personal towards the officer, it was just a matter of self-preservation I guess. I managed to grab him from behind and get his weapon from him, I then placed it against his temple and applied some pressure.

“Get the other officer to come in here now, tell him you need his help, that way this won’t end bad.”

“There’s no way that he’ll fall for that.”

“You better hope that he does, after all it’s your life that’s on the line here.”

“Officer Myers can I have some assistance in here please?”

“What is it you need Sir? It’s just I’m rather busy right now doing a report”

I stood behind the older officer and just waited until the other office appeared, it was only then that I made a point of showing him I had the gun.

“Both of you just sit the fuck down and cuff yourself to each other, if you’ve got any sense you’ll do as I ask.”

“You won’t get away with this and it’ll end badly son, don’t make things any worse than they already are.”

Why the hell did every insist on calling me son or boy all the time, did they seriously think I’d just change my mind and give in. I made sure I locked the cell door behind me, I knew the feds would arrive soon and free the officers so they would be okay until then.

As for me, well I just wanted to be as far away from here as possible before the feds came, and possibly Mulder.

XXXXXXXXXX

I returned to my basement office and locked the door behind me, I really would need to get my head around all of this and do some thinking. The first job was to print a couple of the photos off, that way I could magnify them and take a better look.

I was to spend the next hour or so absorbed in the task at hand, not that the result changed anything at all. The photos are one hundred percent genuine, hell there was even the scar where Scully had shot me instead of Krycek. There was just no way at all this could be possible, hell I’d have known if someone had tortured me to that extent.

Then there were all the other photos, so many people with the same theme as mine. Some looked as if they were dead, while the others looked severely beaten and half dead. My mind started working overtime wondering who they might be, also what their connection to the consortium might be.

The sudden knock on the door brought me back to reality, I looked up to see Skinner enter my office with a rather grim looking face. To be honest I had to wonder why he never just called me, it wasn’t like him to come and visit me personally that’s all.

It was the look on his face that concerned me the most, I could tell straight away that it was going to be bad news.

“Agent Mulder, can I have a word with you please as it’s rather important?”

“What is it Sir?”

“Alex Krycek has gone, and we don’t know where he is either!”

“What the hell do you mean? Hell, he can’t have just gone! Shit he was been held in a secure cell and a fuckin police station at that!”

“Will you please calm down Agent Mulder…”

“Calm down… how the fuck do you expect me to calm down?”

I took my hand and shoved everything off my desk in temper, I was far more pissed off than even I thought possible.

“They always get away with everything Sir, he’ll have disappeared back into the gutter as usual and it pisses me off.”

“I know it’s hard Agent Mulder, well it’s Krycek and he usually surfaces sooner or later.”

“Yeah well I need answers now Sir.”

“Just try and have some patience, we have people searching the immediate area and CCTV picked up the car he stole.”

“Do you know how much of a head start he had Sir?”

“Krycek locked both officers in the cell, it was our agents that found and released them. According the senior officer he said Krycek had only been gone ten minutes when they arrived, also one of the officer’s cars was missing too. The car was then picked up heading south away from the station, he never even bothered stopping at the one and only gas station either.”

“So basically, he only had the fuel that was in the tank?”

“That’s correct; however they plan to call off the search if the trail goes cold.”

“Fuckin great, so Krycek will get to walk away once more…”

“Look we’ll give it a couple of hours, for all we know he might still turn up or be found.”

“Well I guess all I can do then is wait Sir, it’s not like I really have a choice is it!”

“I’ll talk soon Agent Mulder.”

“Yeah okay Sir.”

Soon I found myself alone once more, I decided to use my time wisely and do my own search. I dragged out a huge map and soon located the town I was looking for, I realised after the town there was nothing out there for miles. The deputy had said there was enough fuel to do fifty miles, also I was aware he’d not stopped for more gas either.

I couldn’t for the life of me see where he would go, maybe he had a car parked up somewhere from before he was arrested. This was Alex Krycek after all, the man was not to be underestimated at any cost.

The only thing within the fifty-mile radius was some old abandoned buildings, none of which were habitable for people to live in. I used Google maps to pinpoint the exact area and zoomed in, shit I didn’t think even Krycek would want to hang out there as they were mainly just ruins now.

I decided to print out all the images of the area anyway, if all else failed it might be worth looking around, just for something to do. I decided to work for a couple of hours just to pass the time, even though my head was elsewhere for the entire time.

Skinner had kept his word and phoned a couple of hours later, Krycek was long gone now and the case had gone cold. He then assured me that we’d get some answers sooner or later, apparently a bad penny always showed back up.

I told Skinner that it was all too much for me and I wanted to take some time off, even if it was only a couple of days so I could get my head together.

Personally, I decided that a good old-fashioned road trip might help, a road trip into the middle of nowhere. Who knows and I might find my answers after all, if not at least I could say I tried? Not that Skinner could complain about what I planned, as at the end of the day I’d be doing it in my own time and my own way too.

First, I’d go home and pack a few necessities for the trip, maybe a few extra clothes and some food. I would also need to top up my car with gas, at least that way I wouldn’t have to waste time stopping. Alex already had one big head start on me, however most rats had a habit of going into hiding when the going got tough.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d gone as far as I dare go in a stolen car, I suppose I would be okay as the local law enforcement where unavailable right now and couldn’t follow. I knew not to be too cocky though as that still left the feds, I knew which way they would enter the town and took the opposite direction.

To be honest all I needed was somewhere to hole up for a few hours, also I had to get this damn car hidden too. I was now tired, also hungry, cold and extremely pissed off with everything too. I passed a local gas station as I left town, however I knew the feds would be here soon and didn’t have time to stop.

It meant that I’d have to wait until it was dark to get my own car, finally I managed to find some abandoned building in the middle of nowhere and that was better than nothing. So, I drove the car to the rear of the building and covered it with branches, once done I braved it and entered the building.

Inside it was cold and pretty much an empty shell, shit I even noticed that part of the roof was missing too. All I had to do was pray it didn’t rain for a while, for now I decided to grab a couple of hours sleep and wait for darkness to fall.

I’d already gone over twenty-four hours without any sleep or food, now all I did was become my own worst enemy and a risk to myself.

Well at least I finally found part of the building that still had a roof, I sat right in the corner and got as comfy as I could under the circumstances.

I pulled my cap down over my eyes and wrapped my arms around my knees, shit all it did was bring back memories of the night I spent on Skinners balcony. That had been freezing cold and uncomfortable too, also I’d never forgive the man for the punch to my gut.

Thinking of Skinner made me also think about Mulder, shit the man who perhaps already knew what was on the disk he had! I knew that Mulder would want me dead now along with everyone else, I was the devil incarnate and to blame for every single wrong in his life.

Finally, I started to drift in and out of a restless sleep, I was far too cold to stay asleep and even woke up sneezing. Knowing my luck I’d end up ill or something once I got away, well that or dead I guess.

It was then that I heard some rustling noise and pulled out my gun, hell maybe I was becoming delirious and had slept longer than I first thought. I decided it would be safer if I checked out the place, it was becoming dark now and that hampered my vision somewhat too.

Well at least that was a good thing and meant it would be dark soon, finally I’d be able to get the hell out of this dump. Not that anything ever went right for me, suddenly the heavens opened, and I was soaked to the skin within seconds.

My main concern was getting back to the room that had a roof, even though I had no way whatsoever of getting warm and dry now. I had to accept that the noise was either the wind or some wild animal, at least I was the only human and that suited me just fine.

Another hour and I’d leave this dump anyway, the hardest part would be finding my way out of here in total darkness and I’d have to rely on touch. It would take me an hour or so to reach my own car and belongings, also the car would be far warmer, and I’d be able to dry out too.

My next job after that was one I wasn’t looking forward to, I’d have to go visit Spender and pray he was lenient with me. If I was lucky, he wouldn’t even know the feds had the disk, however if I didn’t report in he’d start suspecting something of me.

Right now I wasn’t in Spenders good books, for some reason he believed that I’d been sneaking information to Mulder and helping him learn stuff that he wasn’t meant to know.

Spender kept making comments about myself and Mulder in bed together sexually, not that I’d ever confirmed or denied it Shit not even Mulder knew about my feelings regarding him, if he found out my life would become far worse than it already is.

I had to stop thinking ahead and deal with everything once I was safely back in D.C, until then I had to make myself top priority. My main concern was how ill I felt, maybe I was coming down with something as I was burning up despite my wet clothes.

This time sleep wouldn’t come at all, the wind was now howling throughout the building and it disturbed me a lot. In the end I just sat there holding my gun and waiting it out, not that I could shoot anything as it was far too dark now.

I closed my eyes once more and tried to relax, however now my stomach rumbled and reminded me once more that I hadn’t ate. Maybe it was time I just got the hell out of here, also I had to stop been so paranoid before I drove myself mad.

I believed by now everyone would be long gone, and I’d be okay, to be honest anything was better than this claustrophobic feeling I had right now.

Enough was enough, I stood and put my gun away before fastening my jacket up fully. I’d suffered far worse in life and I was still around to tell the tale, I guess this would be no different either.

I walked out of the room and within seconds I was flat on my ass, also my stomach now hurt like hell. I was a fuckin idiot and should have kept my gun in my hand, as now I didn’t even have a way to defend myself from my attacker.

Apparently, I’d walked straight into someone’s fist, not that the darkness was doing much to reveal my said attacker either. Soon it wasn’t like it mattered anyway as he spoke, shit it was a voice that I’d recognize anywhere.

“Hell are you living with the rats Again Krycek?”

“Shit Mulder…”

How the fuck had he of all people found me, great now I’d have to figure out how the hell I’d get away from him and fast.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d found the old abandoned building without any problems at all, I’d just not expected to take down Krycek with one single punch. I guess I thought he’d put up a fight, especially when he knew what faced him.

“Hey, you don’t look so good Krycek, well just so long as it’s not contagious or anything!”

“I feel like shit so can we just get this over with, look just tell me what the hell you want from me Mulder?”

“I want you Krycek where I can keep an eye on you, I also want some answers too.”

“Sorry no can do Mulder; I open my mouth and I’m a dead man.”

I knelt so that I was the same level as Krycek, I then backhanded him and split his lip open.

“Talk or I’ll just kill you myself, believe me no one would miss you out here.”

“Mulder please don’t do this…”

“The disk Krycek, I want to know where the hell you got the photos of me from?”

“Straight to the point as always Mulder.”

“Answer me you little bastard!”

“Shit Mulder, why do you presume that I always know everything and have all the answers. I’m just a lackey and they pull all my strings, even you know that it’s true.”

“Nice try Krycek, who took the photos of me and how did they do it?”

“Go to hell Mulder and just leave me the fuck alone, I have no answers for you so just accept it.”

“Hey, I’ve got an idea… I can’t say you like it though.”

“What the hell are you talking about now Mulder?”

“Well my batteries in this torch will last about another hour or so, after that the only light will be from the moon.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, just get to the point or fuck off.”

“Maybe you’d like to spend the night here alone?”

“You’ve lost it bigtime.”

“Well maybe by tomorrow you might be willing to talk.”

I stood up and pulled out my cuffs, the bastard would do as I said and answer my questions or else.

“Cuff yourself Krycek.”

“Go fuck yourself Mulder.”

I knelt and grabbed the man by the throat, I also couldn’t resist as I applied plenty of pressure. I knew that he’d black out soon due to his fragile state, the man looked like he’d been to hell and back.

I only let go once he’d finally blacked out; it was then that I went in search of a bed or chair. Surely there had to be something around here somewhere, all I wanted was something that I could cuff him to.

After a while of searching I found an old chair, after a couple of attempts I manged to get him into a sitting position without him falling off.

I cuffed his hands together in front of him, I also even sacrificed my tie so I could restrain his legs too. I knew that he’d be out for a while as he looked so ill, well at least it gave me time to go and get some supplies.

I looked down at the restrained man and ran my hand along his cheek, while I was there I’d have to get him something to bring his temperature down too.

“You always have to fight me Alex…”

I knew I wouldn’t get an answer from him; the man was out cold and I’d never seen him so weak before. Well I made a mental note of what I’d need, I’d be okay as long as I got hold of the basic essentials I’d need to pull this off.

I returned to my car and made my way back the way I’d come, I knew there was a gas station and it might have some of the things I need.

Finally I pulled up outside the small gas station, I told the attendant that I was on a road trip and wanted some essentials if they stocked them. First, I bought a sleeping bag and some meds, then as an afterthought I added a few bottles of water too.

At least I’d packed a bag before I’d left home, so I was okay for clothes and personal stuff for now. Finally I bought a bucket, oh and I also added a chain and padlock too. Let’s just say I was totally fed up with all the lies, this time the truth would come out one way or another.

I drove back out to the building and carried some of my supplies inside, after that I went and got the rest that I’d not managed to carry the first time around.

I found Alex still in the same position and out for the count, well at least I could prepare everything before he woke up and started fighting me. First, I propped the torch up and pulled out the long chain, I’d noticed that there where a few bricks missing in the walls.

I linked the chain through one of the holes near the door, and around the door fame. Once done I removed the cuffs from Alex and attached them to the chain, once I’d dealt with the unresponsive man, I’d re attach them and restrain him once more.

I’d realized earlier that his clothes were soaked, so my first job was to strip him out of it all. Shit once he was naked, I realized just how gorgeous the man truly was, not that I should be having thoughts like that while he was laid out naked before me.

I pulled out a pair of my boxers and a tee shirt, once I had him dressed, I wrapped him in the sleeping bag and re cuffed him. Now all I could do was wait until he woke up, then I’d need him to eat and accept his new position.

Spender could go fuck himself for all I cared, Alex was mine now and would only answer to me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke some time later and didn’t even have the energy to open my eyes. I was so tired and my whole body was in pain when I tried moving. So I decided to lay here a while and just make the most of it, however I was forced to open them as the cough made my chest ache.

“Hey, you finally decided to join me then Alex?”

Shit when I heard his voice it all came flooding back to me, the last thing I remembered was his hands tight around my throat.

“Come on Alex, I’m not stupid and know you’re awake!”

I finally forced my eyes open and lifted my hand to rub them, it was then that I noticed the cuffs and a fuckin chain. I managed to blink a couple of times and follow the chain, well it looked like Mulder had well and truly secured me here.

“What the hell are you playing at Mulder?”

“I’ve already told you that I want some answers.”

“Well you can’t keep me here, especially like a fuckin animal…”

“I don’t see what the problem is, at least this room has a roof.”

“I’m serious Mulder.”

“So am I, and I’m the on holding all the cards right now.”

I refused to even look at the infuriating man, it was only then that I realized I had a sleeping bag and was warm once more.

“Don’t look so confused Alex, you were running a high fever and would have died if I left you soaked like that.”

“So, what the hell would it matter to you Mulder, I’m sure you wouldn’t miss me if I were dead!”

“I need you Alex…”

“What to give you your precious answers, then what Mulder?”

“I don’t know, I guess I hadn’t thought that far.”

“So, this is all a game to you then. Keep me warm and then take it all away if I don’t answer!”

“Look Alex I’ve changed you and made you comfortable, now I need you to eat and take some meds.”

I tried to sit up and noticed that all my clothes had gone, shit that meant Mulder must have stripped me completely including my underwear.

“Alex it’s okay, I’ve seen it all before you know.”

I felt so lost and confused right now, maybe I was sick, and it was all an hallucination.

“What…”

“When you were an agent and used the showers.”

“Yeah big difference to you changing and dressing me Mulder…”

“Look just get over it and sit up.”

I managed to pull myself up the best I could, however parts of my body were screaming at me in agony.

“Here, drink the water Alex and swallow these.”

“What the hell are they?”

“Just pain meds and nothing more.”

In the end I just swallowed them down, believe me I’d swallow anything if it got rid of this pain.

“I’m going to give you something to eat, after that I’ll explain all the rules to you Alex.”

“Great I can’t fuckin wait…”

“Don’t be too clever yet Alex, I’d remember your current predicament if I were you.”

I just glared at Mulder and never even answered him, shit I knew he was right and could end it all right now if it was what he chose.

“Alex please just eat the sandwiches, your meant to take the meds with food and not on an empty stomach.”

“Thanks for the concern Mulder.”

I took the food I was offered and ate, I decided it would be in my best interest to do so. I would need to get my strength back, also he might decide to starve me if I pissed him off. I’d need to do as he asked and gain his trust, then I’d strike when he least expected it.

Finally, I finished eating and just sat there watching him, for some reason I felt far more nervous around him than normal. I could tell by his face that he was thinking, maybe I should be worried as he could be volatile at times.

“Right Alex, I’m going to ask you something, however I’m tired and will only ask once.”

I sat there and remained silent, I decided I’d wait until he asked the question before I said anything.

“Where did the photos come from and who took them?”

“Shit not this again, you already know that I can’t answer that Mulder or I’m dead!”

“Right I guess I’ll say goodnight then, maybe if you’re lucky I might come back tomorrow and ask you again.”

“Shit Mulder, you can’t just leave me here like this…”

“Oh but I can, oh just one other thing…”

“What?”

“I hope your not afraid of the dark?”

Mulder stood up and grabbed hold of the torch, he then just tuned and left the room without another word.

“Shit Mulder come back; god please don’t leave me here like this…”

Deep down I knew that Mulder had gone, and I was alone, it felt like the silo all over again and I couldn’t breathe.

The darkness was creeping in ever so slowly, it was getting nearer and nearer until my breathing became even worse. I was fucked and knew I had nowhere to go, Mulder had made sure that I was well and truly trapped here.

XXXXXXXXXX

I made my way out of the building and went towards my own car, even as I reached it, I could still hear Alex screaming out. I was planning to sleep in my car tonight as it was far easier, not that I planned to tell him that though.

Deep down I wanted Alex to feel abandoned, maybe then come tomorrow he’d be willing to talk. Well at least it was warm and dry inside my car, also I could lock it and keep all the wildlife out.

Suddenly an image had popped into my head from a movie I’d seen a few years ago, yet I still remembered it as clear as day. It was about a man who’d taken his wife into the middle of nowhere, just the two of them for a dirty weekend together.

Shit the man had died leaving his wife cuffed to the bed, she was trapped there, and all the wildlife could feed on her. I had a good memory and remembered it was called Gerald’s game by Stephen King.

Shit now I felt really sick myself just thinking about it. Alex was right and I shouldn’t give a shit about him. Yet for some unknown reason I didn’t want to see him dead, why the hell did he have to be the one with all the answers?

All I could do now was wait for morning to come, I’ lay my seat back and relaxed until sleep finally claimed me. It was then that the dreams came, I was back in that room with Alex on the floor and chained, he was just laid out in front of me and naked. I was well and truly fucked, I also knew I had no choice but to claim him.

I started by forcing his unwilling lips to open for me, I wanted my tongue deep within his mouth until I possessed him. Suddenly things had changed and moved on, it was no longer his mouth that held my interest anymore. I wanted to explore a different part of his body now, I also wanted to be buried inside a different place this time. In my dream I wanted to fuck him senseless, become one with him as I fucked his tight ass hard.

I was in heaven and I was so close to coming, I pushed my hard erection deep within him and never even cared if he was willing or not. In, out and suddenly I was coming fast and hard. It was at that moment that my eyes flew open, shit I realized that it had all been a dream and I’d just come in my pants.

God I’d not come like that since I were a teenager, then the dream started to fade somewhat as I fully woke up. The dream faded and was to become memories and I realized that it didn’t matter, especially when I have the real thing chained up and waiting for me.

Hell with that thought in mind how could I face him, I had to pull myself together and kept telling myself it was just a dream. In reality it wasn’t like Alex knew what I was thinking, or that I’d just fucked him in my dream and wanted more.

I grabbed the flask of coffee; it was barely warm and better than nothing at all.

Deep down I knew that I was stalling, I was afraid to face him in case it all went to hell. I guess part of me really didn’t want to hurt him, yet I knew I would if it meant getting my precious answers.

First, I’d have to try and clean myself up a bit, even though it was hard when I was stuck in my car. Well at least I had a packet of wet wipes and they’d have to do; anything was better than feeling all sticky like I did now.

The time had come so I got out of my car and I was glad to move once more, firstly I had a long good stretch and at least my back felt somewhat better. Then I went to check on my whatever he was, enemy, prisoner or potential lover. Well I guess the latter was only in my head, not that it mattered right now as I just wanted answers.

I made my way back into the cold damp building, then towards the only room that was barely habitable. The first thing I noticed was Alex fast asleep, hell maybe he spent most of the night screaming alone in the dark.

I also noticed that Alex had used the bucket too, yet he’d only used it to throw up in. I’d have to be careful as he appeared sicker than I first thought, maybe the meds just needed a bit more time to start working.

I didn’t want the man dying on my watch, in all honesty I didn’t want him dying at all. I knelt beside him and pressed a hand against his forehead, he still had one hell of a temperature and would need more meds. Shit not that they’d work if he kept throwing up, I’d have to stay here a few hours until they’d have digested.

I’d given him meds last night and then left him alone, maybe it was the screaming that had made him sick. I slowly removed my hand from his forehead, shit what the hell was I doing as I ran my thumb over his gorgeous kissable lips?

I was just about to remove my hand when I saw the flash of green, shit Alex was laid there awake and watching me.

“Sorry if I woke you, I was just checking your temperature…”

“Most people feel the forehead Mulder and not the lips!”

“I only felt them because they looked dry and cracked.”

“No shit sherlock, maybe you could just let me go and I’d heal faster. Deep down you know that you can’t keep me here forever, the fuckin building isn’t even safe to be in Mulder!”

“I never said I was keeping you here forever, maybe I might decide to shoot you and end it all…”

I watched with interest as Alex swallowed and remained silent, even though I knew I couldn’t kill a defenceless man outright. Maybe I could just maim him enough so he’d shut the hell up, great now I was thinking of other ways that I could shut that mouth of his.

How I knew something that I could force deep into his mouth and down his throat, god what a pretty picture that would make.

XXXXXXXXXX

I lay there watching the expression on Mulders face, I knew that look and had seen it many times before. Shit the man was miles away and paying no attention at all, the man was also looking at me as if he wanted to devour me too.

“Mulder…”

“Hmm…”

“Mulder will you pay attention.”

“What, sorry did you say something?”

“You were miles away.”

“Yeah sorry, I was just thinking that’s all.”

“Yeah it’s what you were thinking about, that has me worried the most.”

“You need to take your meds and eat Alex, then you will need to use the bucket if you need it.”

“Okay Mulder, change the subject why not!”

“Just be quiet Alex and eat this.”

Mulder passed me a cereal bar and a bottle of water, I decided on the water first as my throat was so dry. I was a good boy and took all my meds, hell I even managed to eat the food too. I still felt really sick though, also Mulder was still acting really strange around me.

“Well I guess the time has come to talk Alex.”

Great I knew Mulder would start the minute I’d finished eating, also now my bladder was screaming at me for release.

“I need to take a piss first Mulder.”

“That’s okay as you already know the questions, all I want is the answers Alex.”

I stood there and tried to take a leak; however, it was hard with Mulder in the same room staring at me.

“Mulder could you at least look the other way or something, also I already told you that I can’t answer your questions.”

“Well I’m sick of all the games Alex, I want answers and I want them today…”

“Tough luck Mulder, you’ll just have to kill me or let me go.”

“Yeah well you see Alex, I’m not in the mood to let you go.”

Shit Mulder moved fast and within seconds he was upon me, I didn’t even get a chance to protect my defenceless body either. He shoved me hard and I hit a wall, I couldn’t stop myself as I slid to the floor. I sat here as Mulder loomed above me, oh and did he look pissed now!

Within seconds he had me pinned down on the hard floor, straight after that I felt every single punch that rained down on my unprotected face and body. I already felt like I wanted to throw up, now I just prayed that Mulder would end it all here and now.

I tried so hard to talk but my head hurt along with my throat, all I managed to spit out was three words.

“Finish it Mulder…”

It was at that moment that his eyes became clear and he really focused on me, he then scrambled away from me and sat against the other wall.

“Is that what you really want Alex?”

“Well what do you think Mulder, hell anything would be better than this.”

“Sorry, no can do Alex.”

“You fuckin bastard, you’d rather just keep me here chained like a fuckin animal…”

“Yeah something like that, well at least I know where you are.”

I suddenly cowered against the wall as Mulder stood up once more, he then grabbed hold of my tee shirt and pulled me to my feet.

“Lay back down on the sleeping bag Alex, I need to clean you and see if there’s any broken bones.”

“Why the hell bother Mulder?”

“Because I will break you, sooner or later you will talk Alex.”

“Yeah right.”

“Well just remember winter’s coming, how long do you think you’ll survive then…”

“Shit Mulder you can’t keep me here like this for months on end!”

“Just lay down Alex and shut the fuck up, right now I don’t want to hear another word out of your mouth.”

So much for answers then if I wasn’t even allowed to talk, I just lay back down on the makeshift bed and waited. Soon Mulder was back over me once again, this time he had water and wiped the blood away like it was nothing.

One he as finished he felt my face and chest, I guess he was looking to see if he’d broke any bones.

Fuck suddenly I couldn’t control the shivering, well I suppose it was fall and I was inadequately dressed. Well my clothes were now also ripped and useless, also Mulder had just used cold water to clean me up. Great at this rate I’d die of hypothermia long before winter, not that Mulder would give a shit if I did.

“Are you cold Alex?”

“Of course I fuckin am.”

“Hey, I only asked, it was just a simple question that was all.”

“Fuck you Mulder…”

“Ha, in your dreams Alex.”

Shit well that well and truly shut me up, especially as Mulder was looking at me with that look again. God maybe I was just losing it bigtime, or maybe it was all an illusion created out of pain and fever.

“Alex get back under the cover as I’ve finished now, while I just pop to my car and get something that might help.”

Now all I could do was wait and see if he returned, I couldn’t help but notice how the building was falling apart. Even as Mulder had shoved me against the wall, more bricks had come lose. By winter the building would collapse upon itself, well I had no intention of hanging around until then, maybe when Mulder left, I could work a way to free the chain from the door frame.

XXXXXXXXXX

I went back to the car and retrieved the blanket I’d used last night, then as an afterthought I grabbed the flask of warm coffee too. It wasn’t long before I returned to that room and Alex, shit he lay there and even his teeth were chattering now.

“Hey Alex, can you sit for me?”

“No, can’t you just fuck off and leave me alone Mulder…”

“No can do, look I’ve even brought some coffee to warm you up.”

All I could do was watch as he pulled himself into a sitting position, he then just sat there glaring at me before finally speaking.

“Knowing you Mulder, hell it’s most likely poisoned!”

“Really, if I wanted you dead you would be by now. Look I’ll drink some of it myself if that makes you feel better.”

I took a couple of mouthfuls and then went to pass it to Alex; he took it the best he could under the circumstances. It was then that I realized he was spilling it everywhere; shit now the white tee shirt he wore was covered in coffee.

“Great I can’t leave you in that now as it’ll get cold.”

“Mulder I’ll freeze if I take it off, also I’m far too cold and don’t have the energy.”

“Here look I’ll help you, then afterwards you can have the other blanket I’ve brought for you.”

“Have you been holding out on me Mulder?”

“It’s just a spare one I had in my car, come on let’s get that wet tee shirt off you shall we.”

I didn’t want to tell the man I’d slept in the car and used it myself, I wanted him to think he was alone when darkness came. First, I managed to get both his arms out of the top, then I finally managed to work it over his head.

Shit I sat there and watches as his nipples became erect from the cold, I was mesmerized and totally lost in the moment.

“Mulder I’m starting to get really cold here…”

“What? Shit I was miles away.”

“You seem to be doing that a lot Mulder.”

I didn’t want to tell Alex that it was him that had that effect on me, been this close was having a serious effect on another part of my anatomy. Finally, I managed to help him lay back down, it was then that my hand brushed across said nipple and I was lost.

I couldn’t help but hear the noise he’d made either, shit maybe this was turning him on too.

Oh shit, suddenly my brain worked overtime and remembered everything in clear detail. The time when we were partners, hell even afterwards the man had never fought back. I threw the extra blanket around him and had to move away, right now I didn’t want to get too close as I couldn’t handle my feelings.

My emotions and hormones were running rampant, at this rate I’d end up raping the little bastard. Fuck how the hell could I have feelings for a low life like him, Alex Krycek all round rat bastard and traitor.

It was at that moment an image of my father popped into my head, how he was dead and just lay there on the bathroom floor. I never even moved, I just sat there with my back against the wall thinking. As always, I had to open my mouth though, well it wasn’t like I was expecting him to answer.

“Why Alex?”

“Why what Mulder?”

“Why did you have to go and kill my father, I still don’t see what he’d done to you!”

“It was just an order Mulder, hell how could I refuse when I wanted to live.”

“You’re a fuckin bastard Krycek…”

With that I was up and off the floor in seconds, it was then that I had my hands wrapped tight around his throat. I started to squeeze hard and wanted him dead, it was an old man and my father after all.

“You killed an old man; shit he was innocent Alex!”

I let go of his throat so he could answer me, not that I’d like the answers he gave. In all honesty I wanted him to give me just one reason, a reason to put a bullet in his head like he did my father.

“Wake the fuck up Mulder, hell your father was far from innocent and you know it!”

“He was my father…”

“He was also responsible for the death of many, just like that cancerous bastard he worked with.”

“So it wasn’t personal, you really don’t give a shit do you Alex.”

“I can’t answer that Mulder.”

“Answer me now. Or I swear you won’t live to see the sun go down again!”

“Fine have it your way Mulder, you always have to know everything no matter what. Bill Mulder was a fuckin monster who killed many, he also physically and mentally abused his own son…”

“You fuckin bastard…”

“Well you wanted the truth Mulder.”

Shit so many years I’d managed to block out my past, now this one man had opened the lid once more and I couldn’t close it.

“That’s got nothing to do with you Alex!”

“Hey, I was looking out for you Mulder, just face the fact that he deserved to die. He hurt you really bad, many times he even put you in the hospital. I did what I did, at the end of the day I hated him for what he’d done to you alone…”

“Why me Alex, there’s plenty more victims out there you could have saved?”

I watched and soon realized Alex had become silent once more, however I had to know why my past bothered him so much.

“Please answer me Alex, I have to know why?”

“Shit you won’t drop it will you Mulder…”

“No, so you might as well just answer me.”

I refused to let this drop until I had an answer, why the hell had Alex Krycek wanted to get revenge for me?

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that I’d have to say something and fast, that or Mulder would end up beating me up once more.

“Look I respect you Mulder and I respect your work, also I would do it all again if it came to it.”

“Respect! What a fuckin joke that is, you sabotage everything I do all the time…”

“Yeah whatever, just believe what the hell you want Mulder.”

Shit my throat was becoming worse from all the talking, also my neck still hurt from where Mulder had grabbed me. To top it off I was still freezing to death, not that Mulder gave a shit.

“Mulder can I have another tee shirt, or maybe that blanket you mentioned?”

“You have some nerve, well fuck you Alex!”

Shit suddenly Mulder was on his feet once more, this time he grabbed the sleeping bag and pulled it from me. Great now I sat here on the cold floor in just a pair of boxers, I couldn’t survive like this when I was already sick.

“You can fuckin freeze for all I care, maybe I should just go and leave you here to die…”

“Yeah well, I’m sure it won’t take long, considering I’m already freezing to death. Hell, I’m surprised you don’t want your underwear back too Mulder…”

“Don’t tempt me, you deserve fuck all from me Krycek.”

Before I could say another word, I started coughing, my body physically hurt from the strain and my teeth were chattering once more. Sometimes I wish Mulder would just put a bullet in me, no that would be far to easy for low life scum like me.

I grabbed the bucket that was near me and started to heave, it hurt so much as I’d hardly had any real food in days. Then my heart nearly stopped beating as Mulder came over, next thing I knew he was wrapping his arms around me and holding me.

“Come on just breathe, take deep breaths and you’ll be okay.”

I fell back against him and was too exhausted to even answer, it wasn’t like I had anything to say anyway.

“Lay down for me Alex, come on and I’ll get the covers.”

Mulder helped me to lay back down and covered me up once more, he then even added the blanket for extra measure. Nothing helped now as the cold had set deep within me, I was freezing, and my teeth chattered no matter what.

Suddenly I felt Mulders clothed body as he lay beside me, he then held me in his arms and tight against his chest.

“What the fuck…”

“Don’t fight me Alex as it will help warm you up, just relax and try to get some sleep okay.”

“You scare the hell out of me at times Mulder…”

“Hey, no talking, I’m here to keep you warm that’s all.”

I did as he said and pressed even closer to his warm body, under different circumstances I could get used to this. For the first time in years I felt safe, shit and that scared the hell out of me considering who was holding me.

Deep down I knew he wouldn’t let anyone else touch me, I guess he saw me as his until he’d extracted his pound of flesh. My body became limp as I tried to switch my brain off and stop thinking, all I wanted was some sleep and to feel warm once more.

Time meant nothing at all to me here, I just noticed that when I woke it was dark. I started to panic until I felt the warm body beside me, it was then that I remembered Mulder.

Fuck suddenly I felt him kiss me on the top of my head, I was surprised by the noise I made and my own reaction to him. Oh god then the man suddenly put his arm around me and started playing with my nipple, I was totally gone now and even felt my cock start to fill and become hard.

Then I felt Mulders warm breath against my ear and froze, yet it was his words that left me wondering if this was all a dream.

“I want to fuck you Alex…”

“Mulder are you awake?”

“Yes I’m awake, look I know you feel the same way and want this too. Just relax and let me show you how much I want you, look if you want me to stop I will?”

“God no, please don’t stop Mulder…”

Mulder pulled me and turned me onto my back, fuck I was now out of it as he proceeded to remove my underwear. I couldn’t help it as my cock suddenly sprung to attention, for some reason I had to wonder if he saw me as some wanton whore.

Shit then suddenly I was beyond any form of thought, also I didn’t give a shit what he thought of me now. Maybe it had something to do with Mulders warm mouth around my cock, something I thought I’d never experience in this lifetime or any. Well I had to admit that the man was attentive and had one hell of a mouth, shit then he even started sucking my balls in one at a time.

“Oh fuck… shit Mulder…”

I realized that I was babbling and couldn’t help it, I’d always wanted Mulder since the first day I’d met him. Oh god suddenly he bit the inside of my thigh and then soothed it with his tongue, then suddenly I felt cold once more as he moved and stood up.

I felt so alone and wanted to cry with anger, shit was this all just a joke and a game to Mulder? I opened my eyes and realized he’d moved to undress; I couldn’t help but watch as the man had the most amazing body.

Within seconds he was back with me in the makeshift bed, then within seconds he’d replaced his mouth around my erection once more. Mulder soon worked up a rhythm with that talented mouth of his, fuck then I lost it as I felt pressure against my backside.

Within seconds he had one of his long fingers deep inside me, then he found my prostate and I couldn’t stop myself as I came within his mouth.

XXXXXXXXXX

This was far better than the dream I’d had, also far better than I thought it could possibly be. Now though, I knew that I wanted to take it one step further, I wanted to be buried deep inside the man beneath me.

I swallowed every single drop, as he came within my mouth. Then I couldn’t help myself as I licked him clean, to be honest, I didn’t want to let go.

“Alex can you turn over?”

“What…”

I could tell that Alex was well and truly gone, however, I had very little patience and didn’t want to wait.

“Nerve mind, just stay where you are as I’ll just manage this way.”

“Shit Mulder, I’m way too tired to do anything now!”

“There’s only one thing I want from you Alex, and I can manage so don’t worry.”

“Thank fuck…”

I ignored Alex and all his ramblings, I just managed to push his legs up and over my shoulders. It was at that point, that I truly exposed what I wanted, I moved without even giving Alex a chance to object.

I ran my tongue between his ass cheeks, stopping along the way to poke at the tight small hole. I couldn’t help myself, as I worked my tongue inside, Alex arched up off the bed in response. It was tight as my tongue entered, hell I’d get off just thinking about my cock going up there.

“Alex… lube, shit we have nothing that I can use, and I’m not waiting any longer to be inside you!”

“Jesus, just fuck me Mulder... Believe me, I can take whatever you give and more.”

“Hold on then.”

I licked him a couple more times, along with my fingers. I then used my fingers and pressed, soon I’d worked three inside him and started to stretch him a bit. I knew that I had to do this before I came, also I’d have to take it slow at first. That, or it would literally be game over.

The man was fuckin gorgeous, also he was mine. I soon removed my fingers and positioned myself ready, only then did I shove my cock deep with the wanton man.

“Oh fuck…”

“Shut up, and hold still Alex, look I need time to adjust…”

“Yeah me too, shit you’re not exactly small in that department!”

“Sorry.”

“I’m fine Mulder, just shut the fuck up, and fuck me now…”

“You’re a demanding little slut Alex, I will show you and fuck you hard.”

“Yeah whatever…”

I would show him, and I soon had him silenced. I just pulled all the way out, I then re entered him hard and fast. I felt like I was in a tight vice, the pressure was amazing, and I wanted to stay where I was.

Not that I had a could stay here, as I soon had no choice but to move, my own need to come was fast becoming my top priority. I also noticed that Alex was also hard once more, I was surprised considering his fever and all.

Within seconds, I came deep within his tight ass. Hell, I nearly blacked out from the best orgasm ever. Now though, I felt totally lost as slipped from inside him. To be honest, I didn’t want it to be all over just yet as it was too soon.

I lay there panting and trying to get my breath back, then suddenly a thought entered my rather foggy brain. There was a way I could prolong this; well I knew it was what I wanted. Looking down at Alex, I could tell that he also would want it, hell I could feel his erection, as it was pressing against my thigh.

I pulled myself up and looked down at him. For now, I would pretend Alex was mine, and my lover.

“Mulder… Please don’t go.”

“Believe me I’m not going Alex, as I have plans for you.”

With that I knelt over his groin, I then pushed his erection against my own tight ass. Shit I knew this was going to hurt like hell, I guess I’d also have to manage with some spit and pre cum.

I sat down real slow; however, I knew pleasure awaited as soon as he’d breached my ass. Finally, I was seated above him with his cock buried deep inside me, only then did I start fucking myself on his hard cock.

I looked down at the man sprawled out beneath me, he was so hot as he lay there moaning with pleasure. Right now, it was a power trip too, as I well and truly had him where I wanted him.

How could he do the things he did in life; the man was gorgeous and looked so vulnerable and innocent right now. Soon I felt him tense up and knew he was ready, so I fucked him even harder and jerked myself off at the same time.

Within minutes we both came, well I guessed this would be the calm before the storm, as we both lay here together. I couldn’t bring myself to move and end it, deep down I knew what was to come. It would be hate that would follow, as it was all there ever had been between us.

Time passed and I knew I’d have to clean up, I grabbed a bottle of water along with the tee shirt I’d removed from Alex. I never even spoke as I cleaned us both up, to be honest I knew Alex was scared as to how I’d react towards him now.

Once clean, I sat there and just stared at him. Then suddenly I couldn’t help myself as I lent forward, within seconds I kissed him upon his lips. I could see the look of confusion upon his gorgeous face, he also had that cute little frown that made him who he is.

“Mulder… I don’t suppose this changes anything does it?”

“Don’t push your luck Alex.”

Shit how could I answer his question, hell even I didn’t know the answer to that one.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mulder remained quiet as he lay beside me, shit while I was far too scared to even speak to him. Deep down I was scared of breaking the spell, this was the first time I’d seen Mulder like this, also I knew it would be the last too.

Soon he would go back to treating me as he always had, back to nothing but abuse and beatings. Nothing good in my life ever lasted anyway, and then Mulder himself spoke and the magic was gone.

“Alex…”

“What Mulder?”

“You do know that this should never have happened, also it can never happen again either!”

“Yeah, I gathered sleeping with the enemy wouldn’t be something you’d want to repeat, especially when I’m nothing but low life scum…”

“Look, I’m so sorry Alex.”

“Just fuck off Mulder and leave me alone, hell you don’t even know the meaning of the word sorry!”

“I’m lost here, what is it that you want from me Alex?”

“Nothing at all Mulder, well unless you’re willing to let me go…”

“Not a chance in hell of that happening, so you might as well forget it Alex.”

I rolled away as far from Mulder as I could get, the pain in my heart was unreal and I didn’t want him to see me like this.

I knew that I’d have to pull myself together somehow, so I put on my cocky I don’t give a shit face. I also knew what would get to Mulder the most, all I had to do was provoke him and laugh at him.

“You’re fuckin pathetic Mulder, do you really think sleeping with you meant something to me? You were nothing more than a quick fuck, shit and even that was crap. How the fuck would anyone want more from you, you’re a self-centred egotistical bastard.”

“God have you fuckin finished? You always have to provoke me until I hit you.”

“No, I’ve just started, where the fuck do you get off treating me like an animal. Just arrest me or let me go, as I’m sick of this and sick of you Mulder!”

Shit I’d not seen the backhander coming. Mulders fist connected with my face, shit and that caused my head to connect with the wall. I saw stars, oh and a pissed off looking Mulder.

“There, are you happy now Alex?”

“Yeah well, you never could keep your hands to yourself Mulder.”

“How about you shut up for a while, I need some sleep then I can go home and away from here.”

“You’re not leaving me here again…”

“Shit before I even had time to finish Mulder grabbed his tie from the floor, he then grabbed my free hand and fastened it to the cuffed one. The bastard then grabbed his shirt and forced it into my mouth, I tried forcing it out with my tongue, however I wasn’t having much luck.

Mulder rolled me over onto my stomach, I got the impression that he didn’t want to see or hear me now. Not that I gave a shit anymore, so now I just lay here facing down and both my hands restrained above my head.

I no longer even cared when he moved away from me, I knew showing my weakness would be stupid and just get me killed. Fuck, I tried to scream at the sudden pain I felt, not that I even had the luxury of doing that with a shirt stuffed in my mouth.

What the… as the pain came again, I realized I was fucked. I tried to turn my head and look at Mulder and wished I hadn’t, I’d never seen Mulder look so pissed of and angry as he was right now.

He was feeding all that anger through the belt that he held, the same belt that he was using to beat me with. Once or twice maybe, however Mulder wasn’t stopping for anyone. It was literally one blow straight after another, I didn’t even have time to get my breath back between each one.

I thrashed around but it didn’t help, if anything, I think it made the man angrier and more determined. He must have hit me half a dozen times more before dropping the belt, it was then that he knelt, and I was afraid to breathe with him so close.

It was also then that I felt him part my ass cheeks, and I wanted to scream once more, I knew that all the welts would be bleeding by now too. I was surprised when Mulder never even touched the cuts, then I realized why and that he wanted to cause me even more pain and humiliate me.

Oh shit, I suddenly felt him as he pressed his thumb into my ass. At first it didn’t hurt too much, I guess the sex had loosened me up somewhat. Not that Mulder was remotely happy as I just lay there, he decided to shove even more fingers inside me and stretch them too.

“So tight Alex, it makes me wonder just what else I could get up there… Well it’s not like I have a lot of choice though, maybe I could use my hand or gun as it’d be fun.”

I froze and my blood ran cold, surely not even Mulder could be as cruel as that!

“Mulder please don’t…”

“Shut the fuck up, keep that lying fuckin mouth shut or else.”

Mulder made his point, shut up or the pain would get far worse. This wasn’t the Mulder who I’d come to know over the years, shit the man had totally lost all control now.

“I hate you Alex, I hate you for making me want you…”

I felt Mulder try and force his hand further in, fuck then I realized he was using both hands. It was like he was praying, yet with all his fingers deep inside me.

Then suddenly they were gone, and I could breathe once more, or so I thought. Mulder shoved his hand back in fast, then he was fucking me with it as he shoved it further and further inside me. He managed to get it all the way in and made a fist, then I started struggling to get away from the agonizing pain.

XXXXXXXXXX

Right now I couldn’t help myself, or my behaviour. My goal was to inflict as much pain as possible, and to humiliate the man below me., There was also the fact that I was getting turned on by my actions, shit to have Alex Krycek restrained and at my mercy.

I decided to take the risk and remove the gag; the shirt was now soaked as he struggled to breathe. Alex was panting heavy and gulping in air: yet all I wanted, was to hear him scream and not be able to stop.

The ultimate pleasure would be his total defeat, I figured we were miles from anywhere and chances are, no one would hear a thing. I lent over him so I could whisper something to him, I also purposely lent against his sore ass as I did so.

“I want you to scream for me Alex…”

“Please Mulder, don’t do this!”

“Too late, I hope you’re ready for this Alex.”

“You’ll get what’s coming to you, karma’s a bitch Mulder so fuck you…”

“Very true Alex, let’s just call this your karma then, shall we. Payback for my father, also everyone else that you’ve fucked over…”

“You know nothing!”

I silenced him as he struggled to breathe once more, I worked my hand further and further inside him where I could do the most damage. Once deep inside him I stretched my fingers fully out, I then used my nails to scratch against the delicate tissue.

Alex started screaming and thrashing around, I knew at this rate, his feet were going to become a problem and he might kick me.

“Alex lay still will you, remember where my hand is and that it can get far worse.”

“You fuckin bastard, shit it can’t get any worse than this!”

I never spoke, but I planned to get my message across. I clenched my fist once more and fucked him hard, I purposely scraped my knuckles against the torn skin.

I knew what I was hearing were the screams of agony, also the screams of defeat his body could take no more. I pulled my hand out fast and heard the deep sob from Alex, even I couldn’t miss the blood that covered my hand and wrist.

Even so, I wasn’t ready to call it a day yet, the man demanded far more punishment than I could ever give. Well like I said I’d, not given up yet, I knelt over his body and soon had him pinned to the floor.

I started massaging his backside, squeezing and stretching all the welts I’d put there. I never stopped there as I parted his ass cheeks once again, I then shoved my hard erection deep inside his unwilling body.

Alex started screaming and wouldn’t stop, I grabbed the shirt and forced it back inside his mouth. I’d had enough of listening to the man now, and all I wanted was to come more than anything else.

I was far from gentle as I fucked him, also I knew he’d feel it after I’d torn him up inside. I couldn’t help myself as I lent forward, I suddenly bit down hard on his shoulder drawing blood.

I was so far gone and knew I’d come soon, I wanted to punish him, also to make sure he never forgot what I’d done to him. I became faster and felt my balls tighten, before I knew it, I came once more in his tight ass.

Fuck I nearly passed out from the intensity, it had been mind blowing and such a power trip at the same time. I collapsed on top of him and lay there, hell I wanted to get my own breathing under control before I moved.

I could feel Alex wriggling below me, okay maybe I was becoming heavy against his battered body. I rolled off and just lay there looking at him, I’d be okay if I thought of him as some inhuman cock sucking monster.

Alex was far from human and deserved everything he got, and more. Finally, I managed to move and get up, I then searched for my clothes and dressed the best I could.

I’d struggled because the torch was becoming dim and wouldn’t last much longer, not that I cared as I wouldn’t be here much longer either. Finally, I grabbed my gun and phone, now I’d have to deal with the man I’d just physically and mentally abused.

Shit that was when reality struck, I’d literally just abused him and brutally raped him too. Suddenly I felt sick and had to get out of here, I leant forward and pulled the shirt from his mouth.

Alex avoided looking at me and turned away, it even took a few attempts to unfasten my tie from his wrist that looked sore. Shit then there was also the bite mark, It was that deep I knew it would scar. Well maybe I got what I wished for, as now I was sure he’d always remember me.

“Alex get in the sleeping bag as it’ll be cold soon…”

I never even received an answer, also Alex never even attempted to move and get in it. I couldn’t help myself as I slapped his sore backside, well at least he suddenly moved and pulled the cover over himself. Once he was inside it, I covered him with the other blanket too, I then placed the torch beside him.

“I’ll be back in the morning Alex; I’ll bring you some food and more blankets.”

I received no reply whatsoever, yet as I left, I could hear the man sobbing.

XXXXXXXXXX

I lay here and sobbed like a fuckin baby; I couldn’t even move as my body was in agony. I’d suffered so much in the past at the hands of many men, yet the one man I thought incapable, had turned out to be far worse than all the others.

I finally had to struggle and move; I’d only just made it to the bucket when I threw up. I brought up what little was left in my stomach, not that it was much.

Right now, if someone offered me a bullet, I’d take it, I didn’t want to live in this agony and misery anymore. I looked around the small room, not that I could see much as the torch was fading fast. Over against the far wall I saw the bottles of water Mulder had brought, also the shirt was still on the floor.

I guess I’d lost all rational thought some time ago, all I wanted was to be clean once more and scrub the abuse away. I tipped the freezing cold water over my lower half, and then I started scrubbing my body with the shirt, no matter what I did though, I couldn’t manage to get myself clean again.

Time meant very little to me now, and I hadn’t a clue how long I’d scrubbed and tried to get myself clean. I just looked down at the floor and saw the many empty water bottles, as far as I were concerned, I’d never be clean again. Yet here I was literally freezing my ass off, and all for nothing.

Finally, I dragged myself back over to the sleeping bag and covered my naked body, I then lay there as my teeth started chattering once more. Great, maybe now I’d die of pneumonia, as the weather wasn’t that warm to be washing in freezing water, now I felt dirty and cold.

I’d never be clean or warm again, maybe with any luck I’d die before Mulder returned. Ha, maybe Mulder wouldn’t come back now, he might decide to just leave me here to die!

Suddenly I had visions of the man coming back after I die, not out of sorrow or anything like that. I imagined him turning up to clean the place up, also to remove all traces of his DNA, I had to hold back a laugh at that thought. Okay maybe I was finally losing it, to be honest I was surprised it had taken this long.

Maybe I should share a few truths with Mulder, burst his perfect little bubble. Yeah right, how the hell would I do that without dropping myself in it. Then there was that cancerous bastard too, I’d stolen the disk and he’d be pissed off now. Fuckin great, I’d only stole it to protect Mulders ass.

I had to wonder why I kept doing the man so many favours, okay I knew the reason I just couldn’t admit it to myself that was all. I guess that still left one main question unanswered, how would I feel towards the man now he’d beat and raped me?

I also had to remember that he was keeping me prisoner here, well more like an animal if I were to be honest. Shit the man had stripped me of everything, and even had me chained up. It was at that moment the torch died, suddenly the room was plunged into darkness.

Great, Mulder had to leave me a night like this, the sky was dark as there were no stars out to give any sort of light. Just to make it worse, I could hear the wind as it blew through the building, or what was left of it.

Now my mind started to work overtime, I’d swear I could hear something over in the doorway. There wasn’t even a door I could use so I’d feel safe, anything could walk in and kill me. Or worse still, eat me alive. Great way to think Alex, I lay here freezing cold in the darkness and was all alone. Shit all I had was a sleeping back to protect me from the whole world, not that I had anything to protect me from Mulder.

I knew that I was really starting to burn up now, the fever was starting to set in fast. I didn’t even know if Mulder had left the medication or taken them with him, not that it mattered, as It was far too dark, and I couldn’t even look if I’d wanted to.

I realized that I was far too tired to do anything, I was past caring and so was my body. Sleep finally came, however it was a rather restless one. I dreamt that Mulder had come back, and I was just so grateful that he hadn’t left me to die alone. Hell, I was so grateful and even let him fuck me once more.

This time it wasn’t rape or abuse, I’d cried as he was so gentle and made love to me. He even told me how he loved me and wanted to do it right this time, and how the rape should never have happened.

I knew that I’d forgive the man for anything, now I lay here on my back as he fucked me with his long fingers. Then the dream changed once more, this time I realized he’d withdrawn his fingers and inserted something else. Shit, suddenly I realized it was his gun he used to fuck me with.

I wanted to scream but he silenced me with a brutal kiss. The man was far from gentle now, as he forced his tongue deep in my mouth, that was when I heard a click… I would know that sound anywhere, the man had just removed the safety catch on his gun.

I knew I was fucked as he smiled down at me, then even more so when he spoke.

“Goodbye Alex.”

It was at that point I woke up screaming, I couldn’t stop and just sat there huddled up in the corner.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d left Alex there alone for the night, also to deal with it all alone too. My only concern was getting back home, and then getting into a hot shower. My clothes were really dirty and grimy from the old building, shit I myself were also dirty and a fuckin rapist too.

I drove home well above the speed limit without getting pulled over, not that it mattered, as I’d have just flashed my badge and said I was in a hurry. Once indoors, I stripped and threw my clothes into the laundry. I couldn’t help but notice the blood, shit it was on me and my underwear.

I stood there transfixed knowing who’s blood it was, and how the man had bled because of my actions. I turned the water temperature up as far as I dare, I then stood under the spray and tried to scrub myself clean.

All I had to do was remind myself how he deserved it, put all the blame upon the victim for my own actions. Shit, I was a criminal profiler for crying out loud, no one deserved what I’d dished out, and that included Alex.

I finally got out and dried myself off, maybe after a few hours sleep I’d be good to go again. Not that sleep would come for a long time, well at least I’d spent the time productively and had decided what to do with my pet rat

Fuck the disk, I knew it wasn’t me and had to be a clone. So, fuck trying to get answers out of Alex, I’d go back out there today and drop him off at the Hoover and let someone else deal with the filthy scum.

Really that’s what I should have done in the first place, preferably before I’d raped and abused him. Yet deep down I knew that I’d always wanted him from the start, also I’d always had to keep touching him too.

Shit even Alex himself had told me that, he always said that I couldn’t keep my hands off him. I guess I hadn’t wanted to admit my own feelings, not even to myself.

Well after only six hours sleep, I woke and got up, I spent the next half hour dressing and finding out more bedding. Soon I had everything in my car and was ready, I’d just grab some hot coffee and food on the way there.

I soon arrived at the derelict building and got out, I noticed that all was as I left it last night. I grabbed the bag of food and slammed the door shut; I then went inside to see what mood I’d find Alex in today.

I entered the room and found Alex sat in the corner, I soon realized that he was fast asleep too.

“Alex…”

The sleeping man never woke or even moved, I put my hand against his forehead and knew his temperature was still high.

“Come on Alex, I need you to lay down.”

I pulled back the cover and realized he was naked, also the covers were wet and smelt of sick. I grabbed the bag and pulled out some clean underwear and a tee shirt, I even threw the dirty covers over into the corner.

I lay down one of the clean ones I’d brought with me, I then lay the unresponsive man back down and knew I’d have to remove the chain, as it was the only way I could get some clothes on him. Not that Alex even noticed, or put up a fight, once done I made him as comfortable as possible before he spoke.

“Have you come to kill me?”

“No Alex, I want you to take some meds and get well again.”

I went to grab a bottle of water and noticed the mess; every bottle of water was empty, and the floor was wet.

“Alex are you still awake?”

“Yeah…”

“Why did you tip all the water out?”

“I had to get clean, I’m dirty now and didn’t want it like that…”

I knew that he was delirious, also he was rambling about all sorts. Shit some fuckin profiler I turned out to be, I could be so simple at times. Alex was a rape victim, and like most he thought he could just wash it all away.

So, he’d washed himself using the cold water, then to top it off he’d slept making the covers wet too. Deep down I knew the man would need a doctor soon, that or he might die, and I’d be charged with murder.

“Alex, come on, can you hear me?”

“Yeah, I’m just so tired and want to sleep.”

“Take the medication for me Alex, then I promise you can sleep.”

I managed to get him to take the pills, it had to be with the lukewarm coffee though. I then lay him back down, now I had to hope that he’d be far healthier when he woke.

“Cold… Shit Mulder don’t leave me again. Please… I’m so scared and don’t want to be alone.”

“Hey, I’m still here Alex.”

I lay beside him and held him close, I thought my body heat might help him warm up faster. Alex never attempted to move, I was surprised he let me hold him that close, or at all for that matter.

Alex drifted in and out of sleep, as for me I lay here stroking his hair and wishing I could change things. I knew that I was falling apart fast, not that it was anything new when I was around the man.

Alex had something about him, and I knew I felt far more than I should. Hell, I couldn’t even label my own emotions right now!

I did realize one thing though; I couldn’t turn Alex in as I’d planned. Maybe I could just let him go and let him take his chances, yet the thought of never seeing him again bothered me.

Alex started muttering as he slept, at first, I paid little attention to the fever induced rambling. Suddenly he mentioned my name and I had to move closer, Alex was the only person I could never profile, and it bothered me.

I just lay here listening, sometimes I even answered hoping he’d tell me more. Then I thought what the hell, would the man even answer my questions in this state. Well like they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I guess right now anything was worth trying, maybe this way Alex wouldn’t remember anything he said once he wakes up.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was out of it at times, yet I was aware that someone was close and holding me. I presumed it was Mulder, but I couldn’t understand why he’d want to hold me like that. Not that I cared, it felt good to be held and wanted for a change.

For some reason though, I seemed unable to keep my mouth shut. I knew that I was rambling a lot and was unaware of what I said, I just hoped I didn’t say something that’d get me killed.

“You did it…”

“I did what Alex? Come on you can tell me, and I won’t hurt you.”

“You did it…”

“What I hurt you, yeah I know that I hurt you in the worst way possible. Believe me Alex, I’m sorry and wish it had never happened…”

“No, did it for you!”

“You did it for me, is that what you’re trying to tell me Alex?”

“Yeah, for you Mulder.”

“What did you do for me Alex, tell me and then you’ll be able to get some sleep.”

The voice sounded so soothing and caring, also I wanted to sleep more than anything right now. Also, my head was telling me it was the right thing to do, Mulder had a right to know the truth.

“Stole the disk for you Mulder, dead now though!”

“Who’s dead Alex?”

“Me, Spender will kill me now for helping you.”

“So why did you do it then, why risk your own life by giving me the disk?”

“Because I hurt you, I just wanted to do something right and help you.”

“What, at the cost of your own life Alex, no information or help is worth that sacrifice.”

“My life’s not worth anything, I’m nothing since I met him.”

“So, you blame Spender for what you’ve done yourself? You could have walked away Alex; you can’t put all the blame on someone else.”

“No one walks away, Spender has made that very clear in the past. The man locked me in a fuckin silo to teach me a lesson, I guess I wasn’t a good enough whore at the time…”

“What do you mean, shit did he make you sleep with people Alex?”

“Yeah Mulder you could say that, suck their dicks and you might get to live another day. I had the guts to say no once, he put me in the hospital with broken ribs and a punctured lung.

“I still don’t get why you’d do it, especially if Spender’s as bad as you claim?”

“I told you that I’m nothing, but you’re brilliant Mulder. I guess you’re everything I wanted to be myself, I love the passion and courage you have too.”

“Well I guess someone loves me for something then, I guess I should be thankful for that at least.”

“Yeah, I love you for your passion, I won’t deny that. I guess it’s easy to love everything about you, especially when I’m in love with you…”

I felt as Mulder tensed beside me, I knew it was only a dream and I could say anything to him right now. Suddenly he relaxed once more and started stroking my hair, I liked this dream Mulder far better than the other one, the one that had fucked me with his gun.

I felt kisses against the top of my head, then suddenly his warm lips were kissing my cheeks and then my mouth. It felt so good and I didn’t want him to stop, then it was different as I felt his tears drip down onto my face.

“Please don’t cry Mulder, it’ll be okay.”

“How the hell can you say that after what I did, I fuckin raped and abused you!”

“It’s okay Mulder.”

“Like hell it is…”

“Hey, believe me I’ve had far worse.”

“That’s not the point Alex.”

“I touched you Mulder, oh god I’m so sorry…”

“You’re not making any sense Alex, when did you touch me?”

“That night in your apartment, after I drugged you.”

“When did you drug me Alex?”

“I had to make you sick so you’d stay at home, I couldn’t let Spender know the cuts were fake.”

“Right, you’ve totally lost me now.”

“My orders were to beat you, so you’d stay at home for a few days, but I drugged you and faked the photos.”

“How did you fake the blood Alex; how did you make it look so real?”

“My arms have scars Mulder, don’t worry though as I healed fast.”

“Wait, are you telling me that you cut yourself Alex, shit and you even used your own blood?”

“Yeah and it worked, I drugged you enough so you’d stay at home, then Spender would think you were healing.”

“You did all that for me…”

“I love you Mulder and would do anything to keep you safe.”

“Oh shit, I really can’t deal with this right now, you never even answered my question either Alex.”

“Sorry what did you want to know?”

“You said you touched me, what did you mean by it Alex?”

“I couldn’t help it, look I’m so sorry… You were there and passed out, I swear it only lasted a few seconds…”

Suddenly it felt cold beside me as Mulder moved away, great it looked like I’d be alone once more. I presumed the time for talking was over now, maybe he’d either beat me or let me sleep.

I slept on and off a lot, I also remember rambling a lot and talking to myself. At least I was rambling to myself and my secrets were safe. Finally, I woke and felt like shit and really sick, well on the upside I was still here alone.

I noticed that most of the stuff had now gone, well at least I still had some food and all the covers. Also, Mulder had left the meds for me, it was then that I noticed the chain had also gone.

I had a feeling that Mulder wouldn’t be back, maybe he’d got sick of me and had left me to die. That was still a possibility, hell I was still far to weak to leave here on my own.

I decided I would stay until all the supplies had run out; I was also grateful that Mulder had left all my own clothes behind.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d looked down at the sleeping man and realized, I didn’t want him to die no matter what. I’d just leave him here to find his own way in the world, hopefully he’d manage to keep himself alive. Finally, I moved and packed up most of the stuff in the room, I didn’t want to leave any ties to myself, if he were to be found or die. 

I knew he wouldn’t be well enough to leave just yet, also it wasn’t even like he had a car to use either. Once he was well enough to leave, he’d have to prepare himself for a long walk. I’d say it was a good fifteen to twenty kilometres to the nearest road, then he’d still have to find transport.

It was just his words that still got to me, also they were now stuck in my head too. I’m in love with you Mulder… Looking back, I guess there could be some truth in it, the man had always followed me around and demanded my attention. Then on the other hand, the man had a high fever and had been rambling.

On top of everything else, there was also the fact Alex worked for Spender as a consortium lacky. Alex had always been good at manipulating people, even I’d been taken in with his looks and charm.

My head swam with all the possibilities, what the hell was I supposed to believe when it came to Alex Krycek? Finally, I left him there and returned to my car, I then just sat there thinking.

I had to get my head sorted out, and back to reality, putting in a day at work might be a good start. Finally, I started the engine and headed home, I’d change and then drive over to the Hoover and do a day’s work.

Well by the time I arrived, it wouldn’t be a full day after all, it was well past noon by the time I reached my own office. I walked in and found Scully sat there at my desk, I could tell she wasn’t happy with my disappearing act.

“Where have you been Mulder?”

“It’s good to see you too Scully.”

“Mulder…”

“I was driving around looking for a suspect, why did you all miss me?”

“Mulder I’m your friend and I worry about you, however you also managed to annoy Skinner and he wants to see you.”

“Yeah well Skinner can wait, at least he won’t know I’m back yet.”

“Mulder, he told front desk to inform him if you turned up, he’ll already know you’re here.”

“Great, I guess I’m off to see Skinner then…”

“Mulder can I just ask you something?”

“Of course, you can ask me anything Scully.”

“It wasn’t Krycek was it?”

“Was what Krycek?”

“The suspect you were looking for, as you have to move on Mulder and let the past go.”

“Don’t worry Scully, I learnt the hard way as usual. However, I’ve moved on and put the past behind me now.”

“Good go and see Skinner, then we might actually get some work done today.”

“Okay, don’t worry I won’t be too long.”

I went straight to Skinners office; I never even opened my mouth as Kimberly told me he was waiting and to go straight in. I opened the door and entered to the smell of smoke, well it looked like my day was about to become worse.

I walked in and totally ignored Spender, even though I could feel his eyes boring into me.

“Sir, you wanted to see me?”

“Yes, Agent Mulder, I’d like you to explain your whereabouts for the past two days?”

“I was out looking for a suspect Sir, you know the one who always manages to get away…”

“Did you find him Agent Mulder?”

“No as he’s good at disappearing, just a shame his boss wouldn’t disappear too.”

“Agent Mulder I want him returned if you find him, Alex belongs to me.”

“Look Spender, I don’t even know why you’re here, however I don’t give a shit about you or Alex Krycek.”

“What and you no longer want revenge for your father agent Mulder?”

“Krycek’s scum just like you Spender, I won’t be looking for him anymore, however if he crosses my path, all bets are off.”

“Very well as that’s your prerogative Agent Mulder, however I won’t let you take one of my best men away from me.”

“You’re full of shit old man, have you finished with me Sir as I have work to do?”

“Yes, Agent Mulder, you may leave.”

I went back to my office and kept myself busy, I knew Alex was in danger if Spender was looking for him. It would be bad for Alex if Spender found out about me, and what he’d done to protect me. I guess part of me felt responsible for the man, and like an idiot I drove back out there.

I had to know if he was still there, or if Spender had found him. All was quiet as I parked out of sight, if Alex was alert, I didn’t want him knowing I was here. Knowing him he’d overpower me somehow, then most likely steal my car and leave me here stranded out here.

I was just about to get out of my car and then stopped, it worried me as I could see a set of headlights in the distance. I knew my safest option was to remain hidden for now, all I could do was watch and wait as the car came to a stop.

Two large men got out followed by that cancerous bastard himself, I knew things could get far worse now. Alex wouldn’t stand a chance against them, nor would I If I interfered.

XXXXXXXXXX

The day had turned out to be reasonably warm, not that I saw much of it as I slept most of the day away. Now I just had to pray I’d still sleep at night too; I was petrified to be out here all alone without even a torch. The batteries had died some time ago and I had to be prepared, until darkness comes, I’d take my meds and grab a sandwich.

I was lucky and sleep claimed me fast once night came, to be honest I think the meds had helped somewhat. Later I woke and it was still dark, so I lay there wondering what had woke me. I’d swear I’d heard a noise somewhere in the building, at first, I was scared to shout out in case it was a wild animal. Maybe it was just Mulder coming back after all, shit I was petrified and couldn’t help calling his name.

“Mulder is that you?”

“Guess again Alex.”

“Fuck no it can’t be…”

“Is that any way to speak to your boss Alex?”

I couldn’t breathe at all and scrambled far into the corner, not that it would save me from Spender and his goons. Straight away I recognized one of them, Luis always seemed to be wherever that cancerous bastard was lately.

“Who brought you here Alex?”

“What’s it to you…”

“You’d be wise to watch that mouth of yours, you never did know when to keep it shut Alex.”

“I came here on my own.”

“Maybe that’s true, however someone has been bringing you food and water.”

“Nobody brought it, I brought everything here with me.”

I cringed as Spender started dishing out all the orders, I knew he’d punish me harshly this time for what I’d done.

“You turn on that lantern so I can see what I’m doing, as for you Luis, strip him so I can see what state he’s in and if he’s been lying.”

Suddenly the room was filled with bright light, and I had nowhere to hide. I really started to panic now, even more so as Luis advanced towards me. It was, and always would be my natural instinct to fight, I started kicking out and hitting Luis with what little strength I had left.

Suddenly I was restrained and face down on the floor, now all I could do was lay here as Luis cut all my clothes away.

“Alex you lied to me, that wasn’t very clever was it?”

“What, no I didn’t. Shit I swear I never lied to you…”

“I’m not a stupid man Alex, and you’d do well not to test my patience. Someone has already punished you; I’d also say it was rather severe too.”

“I went to a B and M club.”

“You seem to anger more people than just me, you also like digging your own grave with that mouth of yours Alex.”

“Believe what the hell you want as I don’t care anymore…”

“Oh, you will care soon enough Alex, you two pin him down and make sure he doesn’t move.”

I knew this was getting out of hand fast, this would also be where I’d suffer a great deal of pain for betraying him.

“Well it looks like beating you would be a waste of time, whoever left those marks was determined to inflict as much pain as possible.”

I was trapped as Spender knelt beside me, then he just sat there and lit up another cigarette. Fuck then he started running his hands over the welts on my body, to make it worse, he also scraped his nails over the tender flesh too.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe as the pain intensified, hell I couldn’t even crawl away from the hands that held me tight. I wanted to scream out in pain, yet I knew that would just please Spender more.

Then suddenly I lost all rational thought, as the pain became agonizing. Spender just laughed as he forced a finger deep inside my backside, hell it was already torn from Mulders hands.

“Did they fuck you Alex?”

“No…”

“You’re nothing but a liar and a dirty worthless whore, does it hurt Alex? As believe me I’ve only just got started.”

Fuck the bastard knew exactly what he was doing, he just ignored my screaming and forced another finger inside me.

“Lie to me again Alex, and it will be my whole fist next time. You have been nothing but an annoyance, and thorn in my side since day one and I’ve had enough.”

“Please…”

“Last time Alex as I won’t ask again, did the person fuck you?”

“Yes…”

“See that wasn’t that hard was it.”

I could no longer hold back the tears, my face was covered in snot and tears and I was pathetic. All I could do was pray that the questioning was over with, not that anything ever seemed to go right for me.

“Who was it Alex? Remember I want the truth, also I’m only asking once this time.”

“Please, I swear it was just a stranger.”

“Was it Mulder, did he find you Alex?”

“Mulder wouldn’t tarnish himself by touching me like that, also I’d be dead if he knew I was here.”

“Well I suppose that does sound like Agent Mulder, so you’ve been selling yourself out to anyone then Alex?”

I knew I’d rather lie to him than drop Mulder in it, despite I was going to be tortured for days regardless of what I did now.

“You belong to me Alex, only I get to decide what you do or what happens to you.”

With that Spender removed his fingers, however he stubbed his cigarette out on my back before standing up.

“Get him up and on his feet now, I think it’s time I dealt with this matter once and for all.”

“What are you doing, I can’t move as I’m sick and need to keep warm!”

“Don’t worry Alex as it won’t matter soon enough, right now though were going to take a short ride and have a proper talk.”

“Where are we going?”

“Alex shut up or the pain will be far worse, oh and Luis put that cover over his head.”

I was pulled up onto my feet and my head was covered, I struggled to breathe as the darkness consumed me once more. However, I was too afraid to say anything, the next minute I was been dragged outside.

I didn’t even have the luxury of sitting inside the warm car, Spenders goons grabbed me and shoved me inside the trunk. Now all I could do was lay here as they laughed at me, then I heard the trunk slam shut and I was trapped once more.

XXXXXXXXXX

I remained inside my own car and just watched, there had been a couple of times I’d heard Alex scream out too. Yet I just felt so fuckin helpless right now, how the hell could I help him with Spender and his goons there?

I decided that all I could do was wait, hopefully they’d leave soon, and Alex would still be alive. Believe me this was a struggle, and one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I guess I had a reputation for rushing in all the time, however this time it wasn’t just my life on the line if I did.

I felt sick knowing what Spender was capable of, also I had to wonder if Alex really was in love with me? God, I had to get a grip on reality, chances are Alex never meant it, or even knew he’d said it. Also, there was the question of my own feelings and how I felt about him, especially if he did mean it!

Everything had always been so plain and simple until now, Alex was my enemy and I’d always hated the man. Okay maybe that was a lie, I’d only hated him after he’d gone on to betray me.

Fuck this, I didn’t want to feel anything for him. The trouble was, it didn’t matter what the hell I tried telling myself. There had always been something between us, but hell I wasn’t capable of loving anyone no matter who they were.

I loved Scully like she was my own sister, however been in love with someone was far different. I was lost in thought as I watched the shadows in the building, then all I could do was watch as two goons brought Alex out with Spender in tow.

I hated that cancerous bastard with a passion, he calmly stood there and lit up a cigarette, as his men manhandled Alex who was now naked. All I could do was watch as they forced him inside the trunk, the man hated dark places and also wore a hood.

Yeah, I should know all about his fears, I myself had just left him alone in the dark for a couple of nights. Shit I had to wonder if I were any better than Spender, I had just brutally tortured the very same man myself?

I decided to give them a couple of minutes and then I’d follow, I planned to keep my distance and my lights off. I had no idea what was out here on these roads, every time I came, I’d seen nothing.

Maybe Spender planned to take Alex back to D.C and deal with him there, that could prove hard finding him again though. That was when I noticed the car ahead slow down and come to a stop, so here I was waiting in the shadows once again.

I watched as Spender and his goons got out, then one of the men opened the trunk and pulled Alex out too. I opened my window so I could listen to what was said, I knew that this could get far worse, also the men could cause severe damage to Alex.

Suddenly Alex was shoved down onto his knees, it was then that Spender bent down and pulled the hood off. Even from this angle I could hear Alex whimpering and crying, in all my life I’d never heard a man cry that way.

The next minute he was laid on the ground, as Spender used a lot of force and back handed him. Spender ordered his men to make Alex get up, soon he was made to kneel in front of Spender once more.

Now all I could do was watch in horror as they re opened the trunk, both men pulled out shovels and began to dig.

Now I knew things were looking far worse for Alex, I didn’t think they’d really do it. I had a feeling it was Spenders way to make Alex talk, scare him enough so he’d tell him what he wanted to know.

It was just so hard hearing what they said from over here, I decided to open the door and get out as quiet as I could. I never even bothered closing the car door behind me, now all I had to do was hope the trees kept me hidden from them all.

I was thankful that the sky was rather dark tonight, all Spender had was some lanterns so I might be able to remain hidden. However it was rather slow going, my biggest concern was trying to avoid stepping on the branches.

I knew Spenders men would shoot first if they heard a noise, believe me, I had no intention of dying out here, or at the hands of that cancerous bastard. Finally, I got as close as I dare go without been seen, however it was far to dark to see Alex’s face.

Well it was quiet so I might just hear Spender after all, even though I was worried about the answers Alex would give him. Would he drop me in it, maybe tell Spender everything, and how it was me that beat and abused him.

For some reason I just wanted to go to Alex and hold him tight, I didn’t want the man to die. Right now my own thought scared the hell out of me, especially the ones that concerned Alex Krycek.

Spender spoke to Alex like he was dirt, the man made my skin crawl and all I wanted was to throw up.

“So Alex here we are, I take it your aware this is it and the end of the road? You’ve had way too many chances and it all ends now.”

“What the hell do you want from me Spender?”

“Where’s the disk Alex?”

“I’ve already told you the police took it…”

“How many copies did you make first, after all this is you we’re talking about Alex?”

“I swear I didn’t have time to make any copies, nobody can prove what’s on it anyway.”

“Well that’s not the point Alex dear boy, the point is, that you sold me out yet again.”

“I never sold you out, it was my safety net for myself in case I needed it.”

“What? To use against me… Were you planning to turn against me Alex?”

All I could do was watch as Alex knelt there and refused to answer, shit he had to say something, that or it was all over.

XXXXXXXXXX

All I could do was kneel here and watch the goons work, I was terrified having to watch someone dig a grave, one that was meant for me if I didn’t answer.

“Alex I’m talking to you, pay attention and listen.”

“What…”

“I asked if you were going to betray me, just remember it won’t take long to dig that hole either.”

“I took it as a precaution if something went wrong, I had no intention of betraying you.”

“Okay, so back to the other matter at hand… Who beat you up and abused you Alex, as deep down I truly have the feeling it was Fox Mulder?”

“What the fuck can I say to make you believe me?”

Shit suddenly Spender hit me hard in the face, I even had to spit out one of my own teeth before I choked on it. I was totally lost and didn’t know what to say, or how to get out of this fuckin mess.

“Don’t you dare ever answer me back again Alex, as in all honesty I don’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth. You’re nothing but a liar, also you will stab anyone in the back to get what you want.”

“So why all this, what’s the point of asking me then?”

“Maybe it just passes the time while they dig, as for you Alex, you dug your own grave years ago. In all honesty, you’re lucky I’ve kept you around for so long. Well I suppose you were a good whore if nothing else, shame it was only your body that had any purpose.”

“Fuck you Spender…”

“You just proved my point dear boy; you can’t keep that mouth shut no matter what. Maybe Luis here could find a better use for it, teach you one last lesson.”

“Don’t you dare touch me…”

All I could do was watch as Spender called Luis over, I heard nothing as Spender whispered something to him, then Luis had a big grin on his face. Suddenly I was grabbed by my hair and had a gun shoved in my face, then Luis used it to hit me with.

Shit now I saw stars and my head was pounding, then Luis pulled me up and made me kneel once more. I hated the man as much as Spender, yet I knew what was coming as he unfastened his pants, then spoke to me like I was nothing at all.

“If I feel your teeth, I’ll put a bullet in that pretty head of yours, you were always just a pretty boy Alex and nothing more.”

I felt so sick and couldn’t do it, I couldn’t open my mouth no matter what. Luis grabbed me and tried to force my mouth open, not that I’d let him open it wide enough. I could tell that he was losing his patience and getting pissed off, maybe a bullet would be preferable to this suffering.

“Alex dear boy, you always were stubborn and had to do everything the hard way. You must learn your place in the chain of things, use one bullet Luis as a warning.”

“No please…”

“Luis do it now.”

It was all too late now; all I could do was kneel here and wait for my punishment. Oh fuck, it was like slow motion as Luis pulled the trigger. Within seconds I was rolling around on the ground in agony, the bastard had gone and shot me in the foot.

“Not so clever now are you Alex, believe me I’ve wanted to fuck you over since I set eyes on you.”

“Fuck off Luis…”

Suddenly he bent my arm behind my back, the pain was agonizing as he applied pressure. I was totally trapped and unable to move, that was when I heard Luis opening his pants once more.

“Just remember you asked for this Alex, a simple blow job would have done.”

“You would have hurt me no matter what I did Luis!”

“How well you know me Alex.”

Suddenly he was on me, hell I couldn’t breathe as he forced himself inside me dry. My ass hurt from before and this was agonizing, along with the pain in my foot too. I knew I couldn’t take much more of this, it was then that I started screaming.

“Now you’re my bitch Alex.”

“Go to hell…”

“This is your hell Alex, oh and believe me this is just the beginning.”

In the space of three days I’d been raped twice, also beat numerous times. Hell, I’d even been beat with a belt and shot in the foot. Now I lay here like some pathetic little whore, I was freezing cold and prayed I’d pass out, before it got any worse, well if that were possible.

Not that it mattered, as when I finally blacked out Luis slapped me hard. I had no way out whatsoever; Luis was the type that would make sure I felt everything he did. Finally, he grunted and came inside me, then he stood and kicked me hard in the side.

“You did well Luis, however I think it’s time we finished up here.”

“Yes boss, what do you want doing with him now?”

“Throw the worthless whore into the grave, I have places to be and things that need doing. Alex Krycek has taken up enough of my time, now and in the past. You’ve been nothing but a thorn in my side, well now it’s time to extract that thorn!”

Suddenly I was pulled up and Luis dragged me over towards the hole, next minute he pushed me in, and I prayed it was all a joke. Spender would do something like this to teach me a lesson, I didn’t for one-minute think he’d do it.

All I could do now was lay here and curl into a ball, as Spender spoke, I realized he well and truly planned to go through with it.

“Fill the hole in until it covers him, then we need to get moving.”

“Yes Sir.”

I struggled to breathe as the dirt fell upon my naked body, however I knew I’d get nowhere by begging to the likes of Spender. I heard muffled sounds as the soil filled my ears, also I heard as the car finally drove away. Now I would die here all alone, just the same way as the life I’d led.

Then I started losing my mind, there were worms in the soil crawling all over my body, then on my face and in my ears. Oh fuck, the worms were gone and now it was black oil that poured into my body and under my skin. Now I was back in that silo once more, I couldn’t even scream as the oil filled my mouth.

I lay there praying death would come fast, I also knew I couldn’t have betrayed Mulder to old Smokey, no matter what they did to me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d watched as the events had just unfolded before me, I couldn’t help but feel sick, as I’d just watched and done nothing to help Alex. To do so would have cost me my own life, then that would have resulted in Alex’s death without a doubt.

I’d not realized the lengths that cancerous bastard would go to, to take someone apart and destroy them in that way. More than anything, I’d wanted to show myself and put a bullet in the man.

I thought Spender would just question Alex and beat him up, yet I had to watch as he was shot and raped. Now though, shit I wanted to throw up as I’d watched them fill the hole in.

This man had sacrificed himself to save me, it was at that moment I realized that he meant something to me. Hell, I was so confused and couldn’t say what it was, I just knew that I no longer hated Alex.

I waited where I were for as long as I dare, as soon as the headlights disappeared out of sight I moved. The bastards had even taken the fuckin shovels with them, I went to my car and got in and started the engine.

I then moved as close as I dare and got out, I’d also left the headlights on so I could see what I was doing. I soon retrieved my own shovel and started digging, however after so long I was forced to use my bare hands.

I was afraid I’d hurt the man with the shovel, especially when I noticed his hand in the dirty earth. My first goal was to find and uncover his mouth and nose, I had to know that the man was still alive and was breathing.

Finally, after a few seconds I uncovered his face, shit in all honesty Alex already looked dead. I put my hand against his neck and felt a slow pulse, I was just pleased the man was still alive after what he’d been through.

I cleared all the dirt from his body so I could move him, then I was left with the task of getting him out of the hole. Finally, I managed to pull him out and lay him on the ground. Well it appeared Alex was still breathing; however, the man was out cold.

Shit I had to think fast, it wasn’t like I could just call Scully or take him to a hospital. I knew a free walk in clinic, it was a few miles away but the best I could do under the circumstances. Now I had to pray he’d survive the journey; I knew I couldn’t lose him now.

Putting him in the back seat would be a struggle, also I feared taking my eyes off him too. In the end I opted for the passenger seat, now I just had to get him in. I looked down at his naked body, it was only then I saw the extent of what he’d suffered.

I was a gentle as possible when I picked him up, I then placed him in the seat and fastened him in. Finally, I reclined the seat so it would look like he was asleep, then I covered him the best I could with my jacket.

I knew that I’d have to drive over the speed limit, and I had no intention of getting stopped and delayed. Oh, also an unconscious body in my car didn’t look good, especially when said body was naked and covered in dirt, that would cause way too many questions.

It took me over an hour to reach my destination, I was just so grateful the man was still breathing, despite still been out cold. I was exhausted now, hell, I didn’t even have the energy to get him out of the car. I was left with no other choice; I’d have to leave Alex there while I went to get help.

I had to flash my badge to the nurse, I just claimed that I’d found him while I was out on a case. The nurse seemed to accept it as the truth and I was thankful, I also informed them I was staying until I knew he was okay.

Soon Alex was taken into a room on a gurney, they then sent someone to check him over. I was in need and wanted some sleep myself, however I wanted some answers first from the nurse.

“Why is he still unconscious, has he suffered brain damage or something?”

“Shock can work in many ways, as can the brain, chances are, when he was buried it shut down. His brain would have been overwhelmed with fear and stress, I guess you could say it’s a coping mechanism and stops you from going mad.”

“So, will he wake up then if that’s what it is?”

“I can’t see why not; all he needs is some time to heal. First though, we need to clean him up and deal with his flesh wounds.”

“How long will you keep him here for?”

“If all goes well, we’d keep him a couple of days after he wakes up. Also, the man will need some clothes and a mental health check before he can leave.”

“Hold on a minute…”

I went back to my car and grabbed my bag, I then returned to the room where the nurse waited. Firstly, I asked to borrow a pen and an envelope, I guess I didn’t want Alex waking up lost and confused.

“I have a spare set of clothes here, oh and some trainers. Could you also give him this envelope? Please tell him that he’ll be safe, he just has to follow the instructions I’ve left.”

“Yes, that’s fine, I’ll give it to him as soon as he wakes. Are you sure you don’t want to hang around, maybe give it to him yourself?”

“No, I have to go, I was at work on a stakeout…”

“Don’t worry then, as he’s in good hands here.”

I thanked the nurse and returned to my car, I had a couple of jobs to do and a few miles to cover before morning. First on my list, was the derelict building where I’d held Alex prisoner, I knew that all his clothes would still be there. I’d seen Spenders men drag him out naked, somehow, I couldn’t imagine my Alex without his leather jacket.

Shit, I had no idea why I’d thought of the man as mine, well I guess the man pretty much was my responsibility when you thought about it. Alex had proved tonight alone that he’d do anything for me, now it was my turn to do the same for him.

My second stop was the open grave, the very place I really didn’t want to have to deal with. I grabbed my spade and went over to thee hole and filled it in, let Spender believe that Alex was now dead and buried.

Hopefully Alex would now have time to disappear, I guess now I was the only one who knew where Alex was, and I wanted to keep it that way. It was times like this that I was grateful to have the gunmen as friends, they’d given me a key to their safe house many years ago should I need it.

I guess I’d never had a reason to use it until now, I just hoped Alex followed my advice and would use it too. He would have to remain off the grid and protect himself, this was his one chance to escape Spender for good.

Sometime later I returned home exhausted and filthy, shit I was even far too tired to bother showering. I pulled off my mud-covered clothes and washed my hands and face, once done, I lay on the couch and waited for sleep to finally claim me.

I knew I’d need some sleep so I could return to work in the morning, just pretend I know nothing about the events concerning Spender or Alex Krycek.

XXXXXXXXXX

I opened my eyes and felt like I’d been hit by a bus, then I suddenly went into self preservation mode. I had to figure out where the hell I were now, also what happened to the hole I was in and all that mud.

Shit suddenly I couldn’t breathe once more, my nose and mouth were filling up with the filthy mud, shit and then the worms came too. Little black wriggling worms, that now changed and had turned into black oil.

I suddenly felt someone’s hand upon my shoulder and nearly punched them, however at the very last minute I realized it was a nurse.

“Calm down, come on your safe now and no one can hurt you, just take deep breaths and breath for me.”

“Where am I? Who brought me here?”

I was starting to wonder if this was Spenders idea of a joke, make me believe it was the end. To put me through all that and then dig me back up, that way he knew I’d be too petrified to disobey him.

“It’s a free walk in clinic and you will be safe.”

“How the hell can I be safe if someone knows I’m here, shit was it some old bloke that left me here?”

“No, actually it was some tall good looking man, maybe in his thirties. He said that he worked for the F.B.I and he even showed me his badge.”

“What was his name, did he tell you?”

“Yeah, sorry but I can’t remember now what it was. I guess you were our main priority, and he did seem really concerned about you.”

“Was his name Fox Mulder?”

“Yes, that was it.”

“How long have I been in here?”

“About three days now, you were unconscious when you were brought in, and remained that way until now.”

“God I can’t stay here and have to leave, sooner or later someone will come looking for me.”

“It’s far too soon to leave, you were shot in the foot and haven’t moved for days.”

“Crutches then, as believe me I’m leaving here one way or another.”

“Very well have it your way, I will get the paperwork if there’s no way of persuading you…”

“No there isn’t.”

“The agent left you some clothes and footwear, oh he also left you an envelope too.”

“Thank you for what you’ve done.”

“You’re welcome, just a shame you won’t listen to good advice.”

“Yeah well that’s the story of my life.”

I took the envelope she handed me, however I just kept it in my hand until I was alone.”

Great knowing Mulder, it’d be a note to say he was coming back to arrest me. I did wonder how the man had managed to find me out there, how he knew Spender had taken me. Well they would have to be questions for another day, all that mattered now was the here and now.

I fingered the rather large envelope, well the only way I’d find out what was in it would be to open it. I opened it with care and tipped the contents onto the bed, shit it was like I’d expected it to explode or something.

There appeared to be a key, also some money and a handwritten note. I considered all my options and realized I had none. Maybe I should just read the note, see what crap Mulder was spouting now.

Alex

Shit I don’t even know where to start, well firstly I want to help you get away from Spender. Words could never be enough for what I did to you, so all I can do now is show you how sorry I am instead. Well they do say actions speak louder than words, and it’s all I have left.

Spender buried you alive Alex, they then just drove away like you were nothing at all. I couldn’t just leave you there and let you die Alex; shit I can’t explain my own feelings and I’m just babbling now.

Just take the money and go to the address below, the gunmen own it and you’ll be safe there. They gave me the key to use if I ever had to disappear, Spender believes your dead and we should keep it that way too.

I want to see you and explain things; however, I won’t be able to come out there for a few weeks. I need to stay here, and make sure no one suspects anything. All you must do Alex, is go there and get well again.

To them you’re dead and buried, this is your chance to end your dealings with the consortium, also that cancerous bastard too. Please if not for me, well just do it for yourself. Hopefully I will see you soon and will be able to explain my own feelings better. Mulder.

I held the note and just stared at it; Mulder was so full of shit at times. He claimed that I owed him nothing, shit I owed the man everything, including my life.

My options were really limited anyway, shit I’d even be struggling to walk out of here without help. I swung my legs off the bed and sat there, well I knew I’d definitely need crutches when I leave here.

For now, I hopped over to the chair and pile of clothes, dressing was hard but I finally managed it. My body was battered from the punches I’d taken from Luis, also the beatings from Mulder too. Also, it wasn’t like I could forget the other ways I’d been used either.

I knew now wasn’t the time to be thinking about that, my main concern was getting as far away from here as possible, I knew that I had to get somewhere safe and fast. Well I knew the place would be safe if the Gunmen owned it, I’d investigated them once when I was watching Mulder.

A bunch of geeks that trusted even less than Mulder, and that was saying something. Maybe Mulder was right, and I should use my time to fully recover, well if that was possible. Physically I was tough, yet mentally I was unsure if I’d ever recover from all the abuse.

Great just thinking about that hole made me struggle to breathe, well it looked like I’d be suffering panic attacks for the foreseeable future.

Finally, the nurse came to get me as my cab had arrived, I had to admit she was great and even helped me into the cab. Soon I was on my way to a new beginning, to be honest it scared the hell out of me to do this. Deep down though, I knew I’d choose this over Spender any day, I never want to feel the soil on my face as long as I live.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke the next morning and felt totally exhausted, Now I’d have to move my backside and go face another day at work. I suppose I should be thankful I had work to keep me busy, Great, also I’d have to deal with Scully and all her questions too.

I’d never managed to hide anything from her, no matter what it was. I knew deep down I owed it to her to tell her something, also it should be the truth.

However, one thing I did know though, that there was no way I’d be telling her every detail that went on between me and Alex. For one, I don’t think she’d understand how I could abuse someone like that, also the fact it was Alex Krycek.

Well I arrived to find Scully already in the office, I knew she was going to say something by the look she gave me, all I wanted, was five minutes to get my jacket off and sit down.

“Come on Mulder out with it, you look like you want to be somewhere else, well other than this office that is.”

“Scully…”

“Mulder, talk to me right now!”

“I can’t, not here anyway, as someone might be listening.”

“Fine, you can take me to lunch then.”

“Okay, you have a deal Scully.”

“Try not to worry too much until then, I’m sure it can’t be that bad Mulder…”

“Yeah whatever, time will tell I guess.”

I worked hard in the hope time would go faster, now I just wanted to tell someone and release this burden, that was pulling me down.

My mind kept going back to Alex, where would he be and what was he doing?” Was he still at the hospital, or now at the safe house? Knowing Alex, he’d just disappear once more, I had to hope he’d listened to me and took my advice.

All this actually scared the hell out of me, I couldn’t understand my own feelings at all, however I knew that I’d have to face them and deal with them soon.

Part of me just wanted to sit down with Alex, maybe spend some time with him and see where it led. There was also the part of me that was scared I hurt him; he always had this habit of provoking me until I hit him.

I knew I was getting way ahead of myself here, Alex might hate me now, not that I could blame him. Also, he might want nothing to do with me whatsoever. I might have saved the mans life, however I was also responsible for causing him so much pain.

“Come on Mulder, lunch now before you back out.”

“Sorry Scully, I guess I was miles away.”

“Come on then, you might as well get this over with Mulder.”

Shit I felt like I was walking to my own death, as I had another reason to worry too. I was petrified that I’d lose Scully too, especially when I reveal all my dirty secrets to her.

We drove to a diner; I then found a seat in the corner way from everyone else. I ordered a coffee as I couldn’t face any food, hell this was proving far difficult than I thought possible.

“I’m sorry Scully.”

I started to stand up, she was my best friend and I was terrified of telling her.

“Mulder please stay, I promise I’ll listen and won’t judge. Everyone has done something they’re not proud of, or something they feel ashamed of.”

“God you asked, hell I think I’m in love with another man Scully…”

“Okay, well I wasn’t quite expecting that one. Do I know who it is Mulder?”

“What, it doesn’t bother you that it’s another man?”

“Mulder your sexual preferences are your choice, I love you like a brother and respect the choices you make.”

“God, I love you too Scully, only you can manage to rationalize everything.”

“So, Mulder, do I know the lucky man?”

“It’s too early to tell you that Scully.”

“Come on Mulder…”

“Look you know him okay, not that I’m telling you his name just yet.”

To be honest, I was afraid to even mention his name around her, as I believed that’s when it would be over for me. Scully just sat there smiling at me, I knew she loved me and was trying to keep the mood light.

“Hey, so do I at least get three guesses then?”

“You can ask Scully; it doesn’t mean I’ll tell you though.”

“Oh well, a girls got to try…”

“Fine, go for it then Scully.”

“Fine, is it Skinner?”

“Shit Scully, do you think I have a death wish or something… Our big macho boss would be far too much for me, hell he’d perhaps beat me senseless if I tried anything.”

Great, suddenly images of Alex beat and raped popped into my head, now I felt sick and wanted to leave here and the questioning.

“Mulder you look rather pale.”

“I’m fine, I guess everything’s just catching up with me. Well that’s one guess, come on Scully second try.”

“Alex Krycek.”

My whole world stopped, the minute she mentioned his name. How the hell could Scully have guessed that, all I could do was put my head in my hands and look down.

“Mulder talk to me, please tell me it’s not true!”

“I’m so sorry Scully, I didn’t plan for any of this to happen.”

“So how did it happen then Mulder, come on you can tell me?”

“I beat and raped him Scully, shit then I had to dig him out of a grave too. You see it all went wrong and everything’s fucked up, please don’t hate me Scully…”

“Look I think we need a really good talk Mulder, then we can take it from there.”

Well the time had come; I knew there was no going back now.

XXXXXXXXXX

The drive had taken far longer than I’d expected, I’d even fallen to sleep on and off in the cab. The thought actually scared the hell out of me, boredom was something that I’d never coped well with in life.

Well on the good side, the place appeared to be in the middle of nowhere, so I figured I should be safe if a stayed here for a few days.

Well maybe I’d be safe from Spender and his goons, however I was unsure if I’d be safe from Mulder, or even myself for that matter.

I waited until the cab drove away before moving, I then took the note along with the key from my pocket. Mulder had written down the code for the alarm, maybe if I kept the alarm set I’d feel safe enough to sleep out here.

I opened the door to the small cabin and turned the alarm off, then the first thing I did was relock the door behind me, well they do say better safe than sorry.

Well to be honest I was a fuckin idiot, and obviously wasn’t thinking straight at all. I could have been locking myself in with a murderer, for all I knew as I hadn’t looked. That, or Mulder could have set me up, hell it could have just been a trap to lure me in.

Great now I just stood here laughing at myself, of course I’d just locked myself in with a fuckin murderer. I was the murderer, so what the hell did it matter if someone had been here after all. Well I for one didn’t even have a gun, shit I also knew that I were losing it too.

How the hell did Mulder expect me to stay here for a few weeks, I knew I’d need to remain calm or I’d go mad. Well I suppose it wasn’t like I had to stay here, yeah who was I trying to kid, I’d become a prisoner for my own safety.

I moved away from the door, maybe I’d feel better once I’d checked the place out. There was a small den with a television and a comfy couch, the main room appeared to be where they kept all their electronics and computers.

Well Mulder did say it was the Gunmen that owned the place, I also noticed that it had a well stocked kitchen, it actually looked like they were preparing for Armageddon. There were also plenty of tinned and dried goods too, then I hit the jackpot. The next cupboard was where the spirits and beer were stashed.

Well it looked like I’d be able to sleep tonight after all, I grabbed a full bottle of vodka and took it with me on my exploration. There appeared to be two small bedrooms, then one that must be the master bedroom.

This room was far better than the rest, well it looked like I’ knew which room I’d be using during my stay. It was the perfect choice as it had its own en suite bathroom, the door and a small window were the only way into the room.

I guess old habits do die hard, knowing all the details was what had kept me alive for so many years. I decided to go back into the kitchen first and grab a chair, I then returned to the bedroom, that was when I wedged the chair under the door handle.

Once sorted, I sat on the bed and re read the note, fuck I owed Mulder nothing and this had all happened because of him. I was a fuckin idiot to even bother helping him in the first place, especially when you look at the way he thanked me for it.

Okay the man had pulled me out of a grave for unknown reasons, hell, maybe he wants to keep me so he can abuse me some more. I knew that I were been irrational, but couldn’t help how I felt right now. Maybe that was why I could deal with Luis better, I guess it was who he was. Mulder was different, well so I’d thought!

I guess I’d never expected anything like that from Mulder, shit maybe it was me and I’d pushed him too far, and made him do it. Then again, he didn’t have to abuse me to that extent no matter what.

My mind wouldn’t slow down at all, however I couldn’t deal with any of this right now. I still hurt so much from the abuse my body had suffered, fuck it I just wanted a shower again and to feel clean once more.

I removed all my clothes and entered the bathroom; at this rate I’d soon end up like a lobster. I knew that I couldn’t just wash it all away with soap and water, well that was okay, as tonight I planned to try something different.

I washed myself and wrapped a towel around my waist, I also made sure I avoided my reflection in the mirror, as that was just another reminder of what I’d suffered.

I entered the bedroom and shivered, I guess it was rather cold after the steamy bathroom. Well at least someone had left a robe hung on the bedroom door, I decided that would do instead of getting re dressed this late.

I was soon sat on the bed and opened the vodka, tonight I’d drown my sorrows and try to forget the past few days. I didn’t even go to the kitchen for a glass, tonight the drink was purely medicinal, and I wanted some sleep.

It didn’t take me long to knock back half the bottle, maybe it wasn’t a brilliant idea to do it on an empty stomach though. My head hurt and I felt sick, so my answer was to just carry on drinking it all. It did its job and my eyes started to become really heavy, well I knew I’d pay for all this come morning.

Shit suddenly I sat up in bed screaming, it took me a few minutes to realize where the hell I was. Fuck this, I was exhausted and honestly thought I’d sleep till morning at least.

I tried closing my eyes once more, yet the nightmares came every time. Suddenly his hands were all over me and abusing me, then I was looking up from a grave as Mulder buried me alive.

XXXXXXXXXX

Scully decided it would be far better to go to her place, she said it would be easier for me and she’d order some food too. I laid back on the couch and closed my eyes, not that I could escape Scully and what I had to tell her.

Scully ordered a pizza for us, she said we’d eat and then discuss everything. I was falling asleep, shit then I jumped a mile when the takeaway guy knocked.

“Mulder calm down, I promise that everything will work out okay.”

“Thanks Scully, I’m just grateful that you’re willing to listen and give me a chance.”

We ate the pizza in silence and for this I was thankful, at times it felt like I were having my last meal on death row. Once the pizza was gone, I knew my time for stalling was over.

Scully went and made us both a coffee and came to sit down, she sat in the armchair and waited for me to talk. While I just sat there in silence, in all honesty I didn’t know where to start.

“Right Mulder, I’m going to just sit here and listen while you talk. I promise that I’ll try and keep my opinions to myself until you’ve finished.”

“Thanks Scully, shit I just have to figure out where to start…”

“Try starting back to when you were searching for Krycek.”

“Okay, your aware of all the photo’s that appeared on that disk… also that some were of me.”

“Yes, I’m aware, Skinner filled me in on a lot of what went on.”

“Well they lost Alex, he managed to disappear from the police station before we got there. Look, I went solo and started looking for him on my own, shit Scully I had to know where the photos had come from.”

“Well I have to admit that does sound like you Mulder, go on then…”

I found Alex hiding in an old derelict building, as usual Alex refused to talk and wouldn’t tell me anything at all, so I resorted to violence without even thinking. I beat him and took his clothes, then I chained him up like an animal. I did feed him; oh, I also gave him some meds as he was ill.”

“So, I take it you planned to make him talk no matter what?”

“He had a fever and slept most of the time, however we got into an argument and I beat him really bad. God there was a part of me that really wanted him Scully, I beat him and then raped him because I couldn’t have him.

“So, say I accept you lost control Mulder, that doesn’t explain why you think you love him?”

“It wasn’t always like that Scully, hell I held him in my arms as he cried. Also, he even spoke out loud when he was out of it, shit I realized that I didn’t hate him anymore. He also admitted to me that he was in love with me Scully.”

“It could be a trick Mulder.”

“He was drugged Scully and out of it, I don’t think he realized he’d even told me.”

“Love though Mulder!”

“I can’t explain how I feel, that was why I couldn’t arrest him and bring him in. I’d planned to just leave him there and walk away.”

“So, what happened then?”

“I decided to go back and check up on him, I’d left him some meds and all his clothes so he could leave. All he had to do was stay until he was well enough to leave, however it was the second night when another car arrived.”

“I take it that you stayed then?”

“Yeah, it turned out to be Spender and a couple of his men. I was helpless Scully and couldn’t do a thing or I’d have died!”

“I can understand Mulder; it must have been really hard for you.”

“If I’d died, Alex would have too, all I could do was hide until Spender left. They dragged him out of that building Scully, then they just shoved him in the trunk like he was nothing. I decided to follow them and see where they went, it was only a couple of miles then they stopped.”

“Hey, hang in there Mulder, you’ve done so well.”

“Shit I had to watch while they beat and raped him, they even shot him in the foot, yet he refused to tell them anything, so I’d be safe. Don’t you see Scully, Alex faked all the photos, he even used his own blood so it would all look real. Everything he did was to protect me because he loves me, yet I had to watch as they buried him alive…”

“God Mulder I’m so sorry, so where’s Alex now then?”

“I dug him up and took him to a clinic, he was still unconscious Scully and hadn’t woke at all. The hospital said it was normal, apparently, he was in shock.

“I’m not surprised after all that!”

“I left him a note and some cab fare, he was to go to a place where he’d be safe, I’ve no idea if he went there, or he’s just disappeared yet again.

I told him that I’d come and see him in a few weeks, I’m not expecting anything from him Scully after what I did to him. I just want to know that he’s safe from Spender and the consortium, I even went back out there and re filled the grave.”

“So basically, he’s got a second chance?”

“Yeah, I just hope he takes it, he’s safe at the moment as the gunmen own it.”

“Don’t they have a phone there Mulder, maybe that way you could see if he’s okay.”

“I will have to ask them.”

“That way it’ll be easier if he doesn’t want to see you, other than that I don’t see where this can go Mulder.”

“Yeah Alex will have to spend the rest of his life in hiding, however I can’t change how I feel, or turn it on and off Scully.”

“Mulder, I’ll help you no matter what you decide, however you need to speak to someone with regards to the rape and abuse.”

“Yeah I know that.”

Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any more fucked up, well it looked like I’d have to show Alex how I felt about him, that or never try and always regret it.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d woke up screaming many times during the night, now I was totally exhausted from the lack of sleep. I guess my dream had left me feeling confused, I couldn’t understand why it was always Mulder that buried me.

I guess it could be because of how I felt now, Mulder had buried most of the feelings I’d had for him. I guess that just left one question, were the feelings buried for good.

Well now I was awake, I might as well stay that way, I also realized that I’d not ate anything for hours’ the last thing I’d had was back in the clinic yesterday.

Choices, there were so much to chose from, however I knew I wasn’t in the mood to cook. Finally, I just settled on a tin of beans, well at least the place had a top of the range microwave too.

I knew boredom could end up a real problem, hell I was in the middle of nowhere after all. Maybe I could hack one of the computers that were here, I’d yet to come across one I couldn’t access within minutes.

Well at least I still had one skill from my shady past, within minutes I was through all the security, hell I even managed to get online without any problems. I even tried opening a couple of files, however I gave up as it was too much effort, every file had separate security.

I could have tried hacking it just for something to do, however I was past caring now as my foot still hurt, also I was still tired.

In the end I spent over two hours online, I’d hacked into the FBI database, I’d even managed to see what Agent Mulder was doing. It turned out he was working on some boring case, I did wonder though, would Mulder even want to talk to me when it came to it.

Somehow, I had a feeling Mulder would have forgotten all about me now, I’d be left here all alone until I was driven mad, then maybe I might just decide to end it all.

Shit, having thoughts like that wasn’t one of my brightest ideas, I already felt so alone after just one night here. Well the couch looked comfy, maybe I might just lay on that and get some rest.

All I wanted was a few hours’ sleep, preferably without anymore nightmares. Yeah right, asleep or awake it didn’t matter, my life was just one big fucked up nightmare.

I slowed started to relax as my eyes closed, it wasn’t too long before sleep managed to claim me once more. I had no idea how long I’d slept, hell I was even trying to figure out if I were asleep, or awake.

I tried so hard to clear my head and force my eyes open, that was when I saw someone standing over me and yelling. The man in general was rather small and not intimidating at all, however the metal pipe he held was.

“Who the hell are you, also how the hell did you get in here?”

“I used a key…”

“Who the hell gave you a key? No one knows about this place!”

“Mulder gave me the key and the address.”

Suddenly someone else appeared, he was tall with long blond hair. Well at least he didn’t have a weapon, also he wasn’t threatening me either.

“Hey, I recognize you, you’re Alex Krycek.”

“Yeah and…”

“There’s no way Mulder would give you a key, you’re his enemy and he hates you.”

“Yeah thanks for the reminder, look just leave me the hell alone and ask him yourself.”

“Don’t worry, I plan to ask him, right now.”

The tall blond one pulled out a cell phone, as for me, well I just bided my time and remained quiet. The minute the small one looked the other way, I moved as fast as I could. Well it turned out not to be as far as I’d have liked, I’d forgot that my foot would slow me down.

I’d just managed to reach the door, next thing I knew was the pain that exploded in my head. Suddenly rough hands were dragging me back on the couch, I tried my hardest to fight them as my hands were restrained.

Fuck no, I was trapped and far too weak to fight them now. Hell, maybe this was payback for all the wrongs I’d done in life, obviously been buried alive wasn’t enough.

Now I felt vulnerable, I lay here restrained and only dressed in a robe. Shit then it hit me, maybe it was all a set up and Mulder wanted them to find me here! They could deal with me, then that way Mulder wouldn’t have to get his hands dirty. No that couldn’t be right, Mulder was the type that would rather do it himself.

Suddenly I was having flash backs once more, Mulder screaming at me and punching me repeatedly. Shit, then his fist became a belt as he whipped me once more, I really had to wonder if I’d finally gone over the edge.

God, everything suddenly changed once again, now Mulder was over me and I’d screamed in agony as he’d forced himself inside me. I could hear the blond man talking, he’d even put it on loudspeaker so they all could hear what was said.

“Mulder is that you?”

“Yeah Langley it’s Mulder, why?”

I heard his voice on the phone, that was when I started screaming as loud as I could, now I’d started, it seemed impossible to stop.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was woken the next morning, to the sound of my phone ringing, I noticed it was Langley and answered it straight away.

“Mulder is that you?”

“Yeah Langley it’s Mulder, why?”

At that point all I heard was high pitched screaming, fuck I’d forgot about them and hadn’t told them. Well that meant they’d gone to the cabin and found Alex, the man they believed I hated with a passion.

“Shit, sorry Langley I was meant to tell you.”

“Alex Krycek of all people! hell I thought you hated him Mulder?”

“Yeah well it’s a long story, maybe he wasn’t the man I’d always thought he was.”

“Yeah well how the hell are we meant to deal with him? He doesn’t appear to be his normal self right now.”

“Look I’ll leave her in twenty minutes; however, it’ll take me a good few hours to reach you.”

“Yeah okay I guess; however, he’s staying restrained until you get here.”

“Langley I can’t stop you anyway, look just do whatever’s best for you okay.”

“Thanks Mulder, it’s not just us I was thinking about either, in all honesty I think it’ll be safer for Krycek too.”

“Yeah you might just be right there Langley, and I am really sorry that I didn’t tell you.”

“Hey what’s done is done so chill dude, just make sure no one follows you here Mulder.”

“Don’t worry I’ll make sure no one does, I was just desperate and had to find somewhere safe fast, I also knew you would have the safest place possible.”

“Yeah, it’s really protected and safe here, so I’m sure he’ll be safe for now. You can be the one to remove the restraints though, also you can deal with him as the man has lost it.”

“Yeah there’s a possibility that he has actually been driven mad, how did you even know he was there to start with?”

“He used one of our computers, we were alerted straight away and came to check it out.”

“See I knew you were the best ones for security.”

“Yeah and we’d like to keep it that way, so try and be here as fast as you can.”

“Okay, look I’ll get moving now then.”

I hung up the phone and started moving, within thirty minutes I was out and on my way to the cabin. I had to admit that Langley might be right, I’d never heard a sane person scream as bad as Alex had.

Hell, I wasn’t qualified to deal with someone in that state, how the fuck would I be able to sort him out and calm him down? At the end of the day though, it was my fault he was like this. I’d broke the man far more than I though possible, and to think a while ago I’d have given anything to see him like that. Now I just wanted Alex back as he was and healthy.

After a couple of hours, I pulled over at a diner, I then sat in my car and drank the hot coffee. I was tired myself and had hardly slept, now I had to face Alex far sooner than I’d planned too. I’d also have to chose how to deal with him, I could do it the soft way, that or just be my usual self.

I believed I’d freak him out if I acted differently, I’d even brought my cuffs should I need them. I knew I had to protect Alex as well as myself, the last time I’d seen him awake was back in that building.

Maybe I should have just brought Scully with me, at least that way I wouldn’t feel so alone. Maybe it was worth calling Langley back, they might have some sleeping pills or a sedative I could use.

In the end I decided to just text them instead, deep down, I was scared that I might hear Alex screaming again.

Langley replied straight away, apparently, they had a sedative for emergencies or if they were hurt. However, he told me that they’d already tried to use it on Alex, apparently none of them were able to get anywhere near him.

Langley said that Alex was like some wild animal, he’d even tried to bite Frohike when he got too close. It looked like I’d have to deal with him alone, well I guess that was how it should be, at the end of the day it was between myself and Alex.

It took me another two hours to reach the cabin, I opened the car door and could hear the screaming from inside the building. Oh well, I’d caused it and there was no going back now, I walked towards the door and knocked.

Within seconds Langley came and opened the door, he actually looked tired and fed up.

“God Mulder, I really hope that you can shut him up…”

“Have you got the sedative? I’ll give it to him myself if I can.”

“Good luck with that dude.”

I walked into the room and noticed Alex on the couch, I’d been warned that he’d scream at anyone who went near him. It turned out that I was no exception either, I also noticed him watch every move that I made.

I held up the syringe and ejected the air bubbles, that was when Alex stopped screaming and actually spoke.

“I’ll kill you Mulder if you come near me with that…”

“Look I’m sorry Alex, however you really need some time to calm down.”

Alex tried his hardest to kick me, however I was fast and soon had him pinned to the couch. I wasted no time at all, within seconds I injected the liquid into his arm. I then moved fast as he tried to bite me, all he managed was to spit in my face instead.

“Look just sleep Alex and then we can talk.”

“I hate you Mulder…”

Soon his eyes closed, and he was out like a light, now I’d have to deal with the gunmen and get rid of them. Alex would be hard enough to deal with, I doubted that he’d talk if they were still here.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke some time later to find myself back in the bedroom, I also couldn’t help but notice I was now cuffed to the fuckin bed! Ha, so much for Mulder changing, I knew he was full of shit and we’d never sort anything out.

Not that I were sure we ever could anyway, hell every time I closed my eyes, he was there hitting me once more. That or things far worse, however that was a place I didn’t want to go right now.

I soon realized that I was still only dressed in the robe I’d put on earlier, more worrying was the fact I couldn’t see my clothes anywhere at all.

I knew I’d have to find a way out of this hell hole one way or another, and fast. Well if the gunmen were here and Mulder I’d have the choice of two vehicles, I would just take which ever was the fastest out of here.

My first goal would be to get Mulder in here, well my mouth still worked so that part would be easy.

“Mulder get the fuck in here right now…”

The door opened and Mulder just stood there watching me, it was at that point that I started to feel rather vulnerable. Oh god I felt like I were going to throw up, it just felt like history was repeating itself and I couldn’t breathe at all.

I closed my eyes and couldn’t let Mulder know the truth, shit the man was my weakness and always had been. However, closing my eyes was a big mistake and made everything far worse, it felt like my chest was on fire and then as if I were suffocating.

“Hey Alex, are you okay? Shit come on just breathe for me and it will be okay.”

I opened my eyes and Mulder was right there in my face, fuck he even had me pinned down on the bed!

“Mulder get the fuck off me right now, just leave me the fuck alone and get away from me…”

Mulder let go of my arms and stood back, meanwhile I pulled myself into a sitting position. I then looked down, shit that was when I also recovered myself. Mulder was the last person I wanted to be on show for, you know what they say about temptation.

“Shit what have we all done to you Alex… I promise here and now that I’ll help you through this.”

“Yeah you’re like a fuckin uninvited guest Mulder, always in my life and now in my fuckin head too.”

“Hey that’s not fair, how many times were you an uninvited guest in my life Alex? However, that’s the past, as you’re in no fit state of mind to be left alone, I was an idiot to send you out here with no one at all.”

“Mulder I’ve practically spent my entire life alone; I don’t need you or want to deal with the regrets you have.”

“Is that what you think all this is Alex?”

“I know you far better than you think Mulder. Poor Mulder, is it hard having to live with what you did to me?”

“I don’t feel sorry for myself Alex, so winding me up won’t work or change how I feel. I hate what I did to you and how I hurt you, all I want is a chance to put it right.”

“Yeah because it’s so easy Mulder, shit you beat the crap out of me and raped me! You even kept me hostage, then to top it off you told Spender where to find me…”

“Shit is that what you really think Alex? I would never work with Spender, and you of all people should know that.”

“I don’t think you would, however when it comes to me all bets are off.”

“Maybe at one point I’d have done anything to hurt you, it wasn’t like you ever made it easy for me to trust you was it?”

“I didn’t ask for what you did to me Mulder, hell no one deserves what you did, not even me!”

“I know that Alex, however I can’t change what’s already done. All I can do now is try and make it all right, and believe me I’ll do whatever it takes too. I just felt so much anger at the time and wanted to hurt you, I just wanted to inflict some pain because of how you’d hurt me.”

“You could have freed me Mulder, we could have had a fair fight for a change. Shit that would have been a far better way to release your anger, far better than what you did end up doing.”

“Shit Alex, you make it sound like I’d planned it all. Look I lost it and it all went to hell, shit what more can I say…”

“Fine un cuff me now then Mulder, let’s deal with this like men then right now…”

“Alex you’re not well enough to fight anyone.”

“Yeah and you’re still full of shit Mulder.”

“Alex, I don’t want to fight you anymore, I also know that this is all a show to cover your real feelings.”

“What the fuck are you talking about now?”

“I know that you don’t hate me.”

“You know fuck all Mulder.”

“I take it you don’t remember the talk we had, the one where you shared all your feelings with me.”

“Fuck you and your lies, get the fuck out of here Mulder and leave me alone.”

“What’s the matter Alex, does the truth hurt?”

“Fuck you.”

“Fine, I’ll leave you alone for now, however I’ll be back soon and want you to eat something.”

“Go to hell Mulder, fuck off and don’t bother coming back!”

Mulder just walked out without another word, great now I’d have to sit here alone, with only my own thoughts for company. I knew that I’d never mentioned my feelings to Mulder, especially the ones I had towards him.

Shit was that had towards him, or have towards him, could I honestly still love a man that could abuse me in that way?

Fuck, maybe Mulder should have just left me in that grave to die. It wasn’t like I even had anything worth living for anyway, in all honesty I hadn’t a clue how to get out of the mess I was now in.

Maybe if I behaved Mulder would remove the cuffs, the minute he did I’d be gone from here, and from him too. I also knew that all bets were off once I had my hands free, I’d suffered enough at his hands without ever retaliating.

XXXXXXXXXX

I decided that retreat was my best option right now, I’d already said far more than I planned with regards to us. However, Alex was right about one thing though, I couldn’t keep him here, also I’d have to remove the cuffs sooner or later.

At the end of the day, I’d have to live with the outcome and accept his decision. I knew that I deserved all I got and if he hit me so be it, also I’d only have myself to blame if he walked away.

I just hope that Alex realizes we’re in the middle of nowhere, shit then it hit me just what Alex would do. He would take my car and then leave me here; he’d most likely beat the shit out of me first.

Right now though, my head hurt from all this thinking, I’d have to calm down or I’d never get him to listen to me. I even tried turning the television on, however there wasn’t even anything to watch.

There wasn’t even any cable to pass the time, apparently the television was only connected to an outside camera. Great, it wasn’t like anything was going on out there, I decided to just turn it off and go in the kitchen. I pulled open cupboards just because I could, also because I was as bored as hell too.

I noticed one of the cupboards had some alcohol inside, funny I’d never really seen the gunman as big drinkers. There were the usual cans of beer and stuff, however it was right at the back I noticed the vodka.

To be honest I was surprised Alex hadn’t already found them, hell maybe he had for all I knew. I was fuckin stupid and knew I shouldn’t do it, yet there I were pulling out one of the full bottles.

I decide the table and chairs would be too uncomfortable, so I returned to the comfy couch instead. Also, to be honest, it reminded me of home and my own couch.

Maybe I’d just have a couple of mouthfuls, something so that I could unwind and deal with this shit calmly. Yeah right, if that were the case why the hell did I grab a full unopened bottle.

The more I drank, the more I became depressed, it was killing me been so close to the man I wanted more than anything. Maybe I should have figured it out a couple of years ago, I was a top profiler, yet I only realized now. Looking back, I should have seen it as all the signs were there.

Even so, I knew that we’d have to let go of our past, that was the only way we’d be able to move forward. However, I knew I’d have to lay all my cards on the table, this thing between us had already gone on for far too long.

I’d have to let Alex know exactly how I felt about him, oh and let him know that I also was in love with him. Shit that thought felt so alien to me, I guess I’d never really loved anyone for a long time.

In reality, I only really had Scully, not that I knew how the hell she managed to put up with me. However, my love for her was far different, maybe I saw Scully as a replacement for Samantha.

I drank some more of the vodka and was getting carried away, shit it was at that point I realized just how much I’d drank. It wasn’t even like I was a big drinker, and I hardly ever touched spirits. Yet somehow, I’d managed to drink over half the bottle, I guess I’d been Miles away and thinking about Alex.

Hell, maybe drink was the only way I’d be able to reveal my feelings, however I knew I’d have to keep my temper under control if things got out of hand.

I had to remember that it was Alex Krycek after all, also just how the man could behave around me. The man had a knack for winding me up, he’d push and push until he got a reaction.

Also, I couldn’t forget that the man could be one hell of a sneaky bastard too at times, I knew he’d go all out if it meant his freedom and getting away from me.

Well, I guess my first goal should be to stop drinking, I re capped the bottle and put it back in the kitchen. Once done, I decided to use the bathroom before anything else. I then just stood there staring at the mirror, not that I liked the image that faced me. How the hell could I convince him I loved him, especially after what I’d become. Even I despised myself now for what I’d done to him.

Shit all I’d become was a monster, I’d tried destroying the man when he was at his lowest and ill. I grabbed a towel and covered up the mirror, not that I could hide what I’d become, that was something that would always be with me now.

I must have just stood there for another five minutes or so, that was when I realized that I had to make a move. I finally found myself stood outside the bedroom door, however I now froze and was afraid to move once more.

I honestly didn’t think I could bring myself to enter that room, I also realized there was no noise from inside and he might be asleep.

Maybe I’d be better off getting some sleep myself, I could sober up and then see if Alex was awake. I decided that was perhaps my best option at the moment, I returned to the den and lay back down on the couch.

Not that sleep would come, I’d thought the vodka would knock me out and I’d sleep tonight. At the end of the day my brain wouldn’t switch off, I was driving myself mad by overthinking about everything.

Fuck this, I knew that it was now or never, I moved and went back over to the bedroom door. I wasn’t going to have any second thoughts this time either, I grabbed the handle and opened it straight away.

I went over to the bed and felt so lost right now, shit that was when I realized Alex was wide awake.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d just laid here knowing there was nothing at all I could do, well not unless I could get Mulder to remove the cuffs that is. Finally, I was rewarded for my patience, sometime later the door opened, and Mulder stood there watching me.

I refused to speak to him, then suddenly he moved and sat down in the empty chair. Shit I could tell that he’d been drinking recently, he couldn’t even walk straight. I also knew from past experiences that he wasn’t a big drinker, I just had to wonder if this would help, or put me at his mercy?

Mulder could be a temperamental son of a bitch at times, one word and he’d lose it with me. However, I couldn’t stand the silence any longer, and knew I’d have to talk first.

“So Mulder, are we going to have that talk then?”

“Yeah, I think we need to, don’t you? Look there are certain things that you have a right to know…”

“Such as, come on out with it Mulder.”

“It’s regarding the relationship we have Alex.”

“Mulder shut the fuck up, I’m not listening if you’re just going to start all that again!”

“You said things Alex.”

“Such as?”

“Things regarding your feelings towards me.”

“Mulder I was drugged up and had a fever, chances are I just said a load of crap and it doesn’t mean anything.”

“You told me that you were in love with me…”

Shit I racked my brain trying to find a memory of this, I knew that was a secret I’d planned to take to my grave with me. Fuck I was stupid, and that line of thinking was a big mistake, thinking about graves was not in my best interest.

“Mulder can I have a drink of water, oh and can I at least use the bathroom before the third degree?”

“Yeah okay, not that I plan to give you the third degree Alex.”

“Yeah right, look just move or I’ll piss myself.”

“I’ll un cuff you, however I want no funny business.”

Mulder came over to the bed and leant forward, shit then he stroked my cheek and ran his thump over my lips. I could cope with this from anyone but him, I knew that he hated me and would use any way possible to hurt me.

Also the rape was too fresh in my mind to deal with this, however I knew I’d have to remain calm for my own sake. All I wanted was for Mulder to remove the cuffs, oh and then I’d still need to find some clothes and a car.

“There you go, hurry up and use the bathroom so we can talk.”

“What, you’re not even escorting me? Hell you must be losing it Mulder.”

“I’m sure you won’t escape, the window in there’s tiny Alex.”

“Great, thanks for the trust Mulder.”

I entered the adjoining bathroom and went to lock the door, shit the bastard had removed the lock while I’d been out of it. I looked around and realized there was no way out of here, also there wasn’t anything here that could be of any use to me.

I soon realized there was nothing I could do in here, so I re entered the bedroom to face Mulder once more. The bastard just sat there grinning at me, he knew I’d look and soon realize I was trapped.

“Fuck you Mulder!”

“What, I’m not stupid Alex and knew you’d have to try something.”

“Look where are my clothes Mulder? I wand to be dressed before I have to sit here and talk to you.”

“Sorry, it looks like you’ll have to make do with the robe for now. Who knows, maybe after our talk I’ll give you them back.”

“Maybe I’ll just tear this place apart until I find them, maybe I’ll also tear you the fuck apart at the same time…”

I never even gave Mulder time to reply as I saw red, I just grabbed him by his top and yanked him out of the chair. Then without even thinking I pulled back my arm, within seconds my fist connected with his jaw.

I’d always held back, yet this time I’d well and truly lost it. I don’t even know what came over me, I just knew I felt trapped here with Mulder. I guess I were scared he’d make me suffer once more, shit I never wanted to feel pain like that again as long as I live.

I left Mulder on the floor where I’d shoved him, I had to get the hell out of this room right now before I broke down. Fuck I couldn’t move as fast as I wanted, my foot was agonizing as I fully put my weight on it. It was at that moment I noticed Mulder move, I knew I was fucked now after hitting him. Chances were, Mulder would hurt me far worse than last time.

“Fuck all this shit Alex, no way am I just letting you walk out on me again.”

“Fuck you Mulder…”

Mulder went to grab me, however his hand never quiet reached me. Instead he managed to grab hold of the robe and pull it loose. I panicked and pulled even farther away from him, it was in that split second I realized my mistake.

Mulder still had hold of the robe, so when I pulled away, he was left holding it. Now I found myself stood in front of him naked, shit I was like a deer caught in the headlights as I froze. I couldn’t breathe, shit and now I felt more vulnerable than ever.

All hope was gone along with my sanity, I collapsed to my knees and started sobbing. Then I could take no more as my whole life just caught up with me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit Alex had never retaliated like that in the past, well this time I guess I’d given him far more reason to do so. My jaw hurt like hell now, also it was at that moment I realized he packed one hell of a punch.

I also realized just how much he could have made me suffer too, yet he always just took it all without fighting back. I had to admit that made me wonder more about his confession, not that Alex would admit to anything right now.

I finally pulled myself up from the floor and moved, I knew I couldn’t let him leave here in that state. I’d only meant to grab his arm; however I’d grabbed the robe, then it seemed like everything had happened in slow motion.

I had no idea what would happen now as he stood there naked, yet nothing had prepared me for the outcome. Alex just collapsed to the floor, however now he sobbed worse than when Spender buried him alive.

I knew his mental state was extremely fragile right now, shit I was so lost right now. Do I go to him or not, he might not want me near him, and I could push him over the edge?

It broke my heart to see him this way and I couldn’t leave him there, I grabbed the robe and knelt down beside him.

“Hey, come on Alex talk to me.”

Alex remained totally unresponsive and wouldn’t even answer me, I decided my best option was to take it slow with him. So I started by putting my hand upon his shoulder, as I couldn’t leave him curled up on the floor.

There was no response at all, it was like I wasn’t even there or had touched him. I put the robe around his shoulders and hoped it would help, now I had to get him from the floor to the bed.

I just didn’t want him to think I’d hurt him again, also him naked and in a bedroom didn’t help matters. Not that I had to worry, the entire time Alex remained unresponsive of me and his surroundings.

I knew I was way out of my depth to deal with this, I guess I’d have to use my profiling skills and figure out this conundrum of a man.

“Alex, hey come on talk to me. Hell I don’t even know if you want me to be here with you?”

I finally lay down beside him and held him in my arms, how the hell had I never realized just how much I love him. I could have broke him and destroyed him, also this was perhaps the only time I’d get close to him again.

Well it looked like I’d be doing all the talking, hell I was most likely talking to myself anyway.

“I’m so sorry Alex for my part in all of this, what I did to you is totally unforgiveable and I have no right to expect anything from you either. I guess I just learnt a little too late what you mean to me, if you hate me so be it, I’ll have to live with it too.

Hell I never even gave you a chance, I always believed the lies and blamed you for it all. I guess I’d always believed you enjoyed what you did, also that you actually enjoyed working for Spender too.

Shit you were just a fuckin puppet; I swear I’ll put a bullet in that bastard’s head for burying you alive. Then there’s also the thug that raped you, ah not that I’m any better than him.

I have no excuse for what I did to you Alex, shit I wanted you and hated you for making me feel like that.”

Shit this way harder than I thought possible, I just wished Alex could actually hear me and understand. However he owed me nothing and I owed him everything.

“I thought if I walked away, I’d forget you, yet it never worked that way and I had to come back. I never came back to hurt you, all I wanted was to make sure you got away. Shit then that cancerous bastard had to go and show up, I couldn’t leave you to die like you were nothing.

Now though, I’m scared for you and what I’ve done to you. In all honesty, shit I’m scared there’s no coming back for you Alex. Have we all pushed you beyond the barrier, a place where you feel safe and don’t want to return?

Please Alex don’t shut me out, god I really need you here. Come on your Alex Krycek for fucks sake, you can’t just give in and have to fight back.”

Fuck I really wanted to get up and punch something, tear everything apart to release the pain I felt inside. How the hell could I deal with Alex when I was fucked up myself, I’d always needed someone to pull me out of everything.

“Alex, I don’t think I can do this on my own, you need help far beyond what I can give you. I’ll need to find somewhere that’s safe from Spender too. Look in all honesty, I think you need to be in a psychiatric hospital.”

I knew it would finish me if I had him locked up; however it would finish me if he ended his own life too.

“I’m scared for both of us Alex. I know you’ll hate it there, also you’ll blame me for putting you in one. Shit, I’m so sorry that you had to fall in love with a bastard like me, someone who’d hurt you and let you down at every turn.

I do love you Alex, I want you to get better, that way I’ll be able to walk away knowing you’re safe. Believe me, walking away will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Yet I love you, so I know it’s something I have to do.”

Words would no longer come, now the tears decided to come instead. It was like the damn had broke and my emotions were free, I lay there beside the man I’d destroyed and cried like a baby.

I’d lay here until I could get myself under control, afterwards I’d arrange help for Alex and say my final goodbye.

XXXXXXXXXX

I lay there as the words sank in, to be honest, part of me didn’t want to come back this time. I’d suffered so much and was ready to give up, I knew I couldn’t live my life this way any longer. I’d fallen so far down to the point of despair, also I believed there was no way back as I were beyond suffering any more pain.

I’d become nothing more than an emotional wreck, hell my whole fuckin life had been like a rollercoaster ride, with more downs than ups. I knew deep down all I needed was a reason to fight, could Mulder honestly be that reason.

For all I knew, it could be another part of the game we’d always played together. I guess I had to decide fast, could I just let Mulder walk out of my life for good? Deep down I knew the answer to that one, however I’d have to speak up if I wanted him to stay.

“Mulder…”

“Hey are you okay?”

“I don’t want you to go, please Mulder don’t leave me!”

“I’m just glad you’re back here with me again, look just lay there and think about what you’re saying Alex.”

“I know what I’m saying Mulder, I never lied when I said I was in love with you. I just have to admit that I fucked up and I want you Mulder, but I need to get past everything that’s happened to me.”

“God, I wish I could change the past Alex, I hurt you so much and I can’t alter it.”

“I know you regret it and it never should have happened, however you’re my reason to fight. I still love you if that helps, I can’t just change how I’ve felt for years despite what happened.”

“Yeah well, I was the idiot who couldn’t just admit how I felt; however I know I couldn’t hurt you anymore. My world fell apart when I thought I’d lost you, I guess that was the wake up call I needed. Look I won’t give up on you, all I ask is that you don’t give in?”

“I promise that I’ll try Mulder. I guess at times it feels like a battle that I’ll never win, shit and that’s when I feel like giving up on everything.”

“I’m willing to help you however I can, I also promise that I won’t let you give in. I’ll help you fight all the demons that are within you, also the likes of Spender and the consortium.”

“Mulder…”

“Look I promise that we can do this together Alex.”

“Do you really mean that Mulder?”

“More than I’ve ever meant anything, I love you so much Alex and can’t lose you now.”

Part of me still wondered if this was a cruel game, build up all my hopes and dreams, then just pull the rug out from underneath me. Oh shit, I suddenly realized where I were, also that my clothes were somewhat lacking.

Suddenly I started to have a panic attack and struggled to breathe, deep down I was scared Mulder had taken advantage of me. God, I loved the man so much and hated the fact I felt this way, I guess it was really hard after all I’d been through.

“Alex, hey come on breathe for me. I’m here for you and won’t let anyone hurt you now.”

“Give me a minute and I’ll be alright.”

“Alex you have to talk to me if you want this to work, I’m not stupid and it was obvious something was wrong…”

“You’ll just think I’m stupid and pathetic Mulder.”

“Try me, come on Alex talk to me.”

Well it looked like there was no getting out of this, if I looked an idiot so be it, not that it’d be nothing new around Mulder.

“I suddenly realized were in a bed together, also that I’m practically naked here too. Shit Mulder it was just an irrational thought and I panicked, it’s just the last time… Shit I’m sorry.”

I couldn’t say anymore, I didn’t want to bring up the past or hurt him anymore.”

“Alex, I raped and abused you, your thoughts are far from irrational and it’s to be expected. However, I promise that I never touched you, I just held you that’s all.”

“Okay, thanks’ for understanding, I guess I’m just so fucked up and paranoid.”

“I promise that I won’t ever touch you sexually again, well unless you want there to be something between us.”

“Mulder will you make love to me?”

“Shit Alex I wasn’t expecting that right now, hell you’ve been through so much and need time to heal.”

“So I take it that’s a no then…”

“Alex, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t hurt me then Mulder, however I need this so I can feel whole and in control again. I need you to show me that you really want me, I want to feel you deep inside me and know it’s what you want!”

“God Alex of course I want you, that was always the problem.”

“What do you mean…”

“I took advantage because it was the only way I could have you, well so I’d thought at the time. You once told me I was an uninvited guest in your head, I don’t want to be that Alex. I want to be an invited guest in your head, and in your heart if you’ll let me.”

“Fuck Mulder, I wasn’t expecting that from you. God, I want you in my head and heart more than anything else, well if you’re sure it’s what you really want.”

“I’m sure it’s what I want, now shut up and let me make love to you.”

Mulder let go of me and I instantly felt alone, I had to admit that soon changed when he started undressing in front of me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I stripped out of all my clothes and joined Alex, I then proceeded to remove the one item that he wore. I had to admit the man was gorgeous and I wanted him, also to have him laid out in front of me ready and waiting.

I knew this would be hard and I’d need a lot of restraint, if had my way I’d fuck him through the mattress. Not that it would happen this time, Alex had suffered so much at the hands of men who’d used him.

This time I had to show him how much I wanted him, take it real slow and make it good for him.

“Mulder are you going to move, or just stare at me?”

“Sorry, hell its not my fault that you’re gorgeous.”

“Yeah whatever, just fuck me already will you!”

I had a feeling Alex wasn’t used to getting attention from people, well in a good way that is. It did make me wonder how many times someone had shown him love, or treat him like a real person.

“Alex I’m going to make love to you.”

“Fine whatever, come on Mulder just move your backside.”

“Alex were going to take this really slow, has anyone actually made love to you before babe?”

“Shit Mulder, not now okay. Everyone just fucked me over in more ways one Mulder, not that I want to talk about it right now.”

“Shit I’m sorry Alex…”

Well I soon realized that talk would have to wait for another day, for now it was all about pleasure and not pain. I wanted to prove myself this time, also that I was far more than just an abusing rapist.

First, I started with his gorgeous mouth, I silenced him with a long deep passionate kiss, until both of us were in need of air. I’d never felt this turned on with anyone before, in such a short time the man had become everything to me.

I noticed he now had his eyes closed, so I took it in turns kissing his eyelids. The man had the most amazing eyelashes too, oh and that little frown that always appeared.

“Alex, open your eyes for me babe.”

I watched as he opened them for me. I could see that he was conflicted by all of this, and I had to admit that it worried me. I knew he had a habit of running when he felt under pressure, it was then that I saw the tears and realized he was crying

“Hey Alex, are you okay, come on talk to me or I’ll have to stop.”

“I look at you and see the emotions flicker across your face, it’s like you… look it doesn’t matter so just forget it Mulder.”

“Yes it does matter Alex, tell me or I’ll end this until after we’ve talked.”

“Shit Mulder, it’s like you really do love me. You don’t look at me with hate and it scares me, I’ve never had anyone look at me like that before.”

“Alex, I do love you, I know it must be hard for you to accept after all I’ve done, that’s why I want to show you.”

“Believe me I want you to show me, however I might get a bit emotional at times.”

“Just stop talking then Alex and just feel, I promise that I’ll make it good for you babe.”

I kissed him quickly upon the lips, I then decided to move lower down until I reached his erect nipples. I then took them one by one into my mouth, I ran my tongue around them and sucked them teasing the man below me.

I had him squirming around on the bed, and I’d only just started. Soon I slowly licked my way down his toned stomach, and only stopped when I reached his groin.

I licked along the length of his erection and blew on it gently, then within seconds I had his erection deep within my mouth.

“Oh fuck…”

Well I gathered by his response that he liked it, so I started to work even harder until he was struggling not to come. That was when I pulled my mouth away, putting an end to any ideas Alex might have. When he came, I wanted to be able to see him. I wanted to watch his gorgeous face, and for him to see the love I felt.

“Don’t you fuckin dare stop now Mulder, shit I swear I’ll kill you if you do…”

“Hey, I thought we were beyond that, don’t worry I’ll let you come once I’m deep inside you.”

“So what are you waiting for then, shit come on Mulder as I’m desperate here!”

“Well who would have thought Alex Krycek was a slut underneath, you kept that one quiet babe.”

“Yeah only a slut for you Mulder, I’ll prove it if you want…”

I was lost for words as he pulled his legs up, he then just lay there with his backside exposed to me. Shit then within a minute he was licking his fingers, oh shit then he started turning me even more. I was gone as he shoved his finger deep into his own willing body.

“Fuck Alex, I’m trying to take it slow here and show some restraint.”

“Just shut up and fuck me old man.”

Well now I knew that this had gone to another level, one where I couldn’t hold back any longer.

XXXXXXXXXX

No one had ever looked at me like this, I could see the love, however I could also see the lust and knew what he wanted. Well at least the old man comment had got him moving, I just wanted him to fuck me hard and make me feel it.

Well to be honest, I wanted Mulder to make me his. Just for once to forget everything else, along with my fucked up life.

Mulder suddenly grabbed my hand by the wrist, shit then within seconds he put my finger in his mouth. At this rate I’d come long before he fucked me, I’d never seen something so erotic as Mulder sucked my finger and gave himself to me.

Soon he let go and placed his cock against my ass, maybe I was a slut after all and had to speed it up. As Mulder entered me, I pushed my ass up off the bed to meet him. I wanted to speed things up as I were desperate now, I guess I wanted the man inside me as fast as possible.

“God you’re so fuckin tight babe.”

“Just fuck me Mulder.”

“Patience is a great virtue Alex.”

Well I had been planning to come back with some witty reply, however everything was forgotten when he started fucking me hard. I couldn’t help myself as I squirmed around beneath him, coming was my one main goal now, hell it was my only goal now.

I reached and grabbed my own abandoned erection with the plan to jerk off, shame Mulder appeared to have other ideas about it though.

Suddenly he grabbed my wrists and pinned me to the bed, shit for a fleeting second it brought back a few painful memories. I’d never liked the idea of been restrained in the past, yet I realized that Mulder had noticed me panic despite it only been a few seconds.

“I won’t hurt you babe, but hell I’ll be the one that makes you come today and not your hand.”

Mulder leant forward and kissed me once more, as for me I realized I was safe now. Mulder wasn’t going to hurt me this time, also hopefully never again.

Shit that was when his mouth found my nipple once more, and it was all too much for me now. I felt my body react and knew I were coming, without Mulder having to even touch my erection. I soon came all over myself and Mulder too, then I felt totally wiped out by everything.

“Are you okay babe?”

“Shit, I’m far better than okay Mulder. I’m exhausted now though and need some sleep.”

“Hang in there then while I come babe, then I promise you can get some sleep. I want you to look at me Alex, I want you to see how much I want you babe.”

Mulder soon worked up a rhythm and came within seconds, it was the way he looked at me, along with his words that made me feel loved and wanted.

“Fuck I love you so much Alex.”

“I love you too Mulder, I guess it had always been a dream of mine. No way would I have ever expected this, or for you to feel anything for me other than hate.”

“Hey, I was an idiot, however that was just the first time. Just think how many times we can make love to each other now babe, I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you!”

“I can’t wait, for now though I need sleep as I’m getting old lover.”

“Hey, I’m older than you babe.”

Mulder got up and went into the small bathroom, all I could hear was the sound of water running. Soon he returned with a warm cloth and cleaned me up, which I was truly thankful for. I was far too tired now to even move, all I wanted was some decent sleep with Mulder beside me.

Soon I had my wish and he returned to the bed, to me it was just as good as the sex. I guess in my life no one ever wanted to hold me afterwards, everyone just fucked me and left me there in the filth.

Shit why was I so determined to ruin this; the past had to be just that if I were to ever move on. Oh fuck the tears came as did the memories; it was also at that point my whole world came crashing down. I was a stupid fuckin idiot for believing this, the life I’d always wanted could never be.

“Alex…

I pulled the covers over my head; shit I was like a little kid thinking it would hide me from Mulder and the world.

“Alex are you listening to me?”

“Just leave me alone Mulder.”

“No way, especially while you’re in that state.”

“It doesn’t matter, hell none of it matters anymore Mulder…”

“You’ve lost me, hey I thought we’d sorted out our differences and we’re good…”

“Yeah maybe we have Mulder, we just failed to see the big picture.”

“What bigger picture?”

Fuck I had to get my emotions under control, well I might do better if I stopped blubbering like a fuckin baby.

“The big picture, like my whole life Mulder. Look where we are and tell me what happens next? Hell I can’t stay here forever or leave, if Spender finds me, I’m dead for sure. Then there’s you too Mulder, you’ll have to leave here and return to work soon.”

“Shit, I guess I forgot about everything beyond this cabin, look I’m sure between the two of us we’ll figure something out.”

“God, I hope so. The alternative just scares the hell out of me.”

I really didn’t want to lose what I’d just found, there had to be a way out of this mess that was called my life.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit I realized that Alex had a valid point, I knew at the moment we were safe if we remained here. To be honest I think the gunmen would be glad to see the back of Alex, also every time I came here, I risk someone following me.

I never felt so lost as I did right now. The man was like an addiction and I’d do anything to keep him safe and with me. Everyone would say that I was mad and couldn’t make a commitment that soon, however I’d come to terms with what I’d always refused to accept.

“Mulder what are you thinking about?”

“I was thinking about how we need to get some sleep.”

“You don’t know do you? Maybe we should end this right now, also maybe I’d have been better off if you’d left me to die…”

“Alex don’t ever say that babe, look you need to calm down as we’ll work something out, I promise.”

I knew Alex was babbling because he was scared, as was I too. I’d saved his life, now I just had to give him a reason to live too. Well I guess exhaustion had finally claimed me, next time I opened my eyes it was too bright sunshine.

I looked at the sleeping figure in my arms and smiled to myself, it was then I realized I’d give up everything to remain with Alex. It was at that moment he opened his eyes and looked at me, it took him a moment to even register that I was even there.

“Are you okay, you just looked a bit lost there Alex?”

“Yeah Mulder I’m okay, I guess I expected you to disappear during the night.”

“Hey that’s not fair, you were the one that always did the disappearing act not me!”

“I know, I guess I thought it would be safer for you. I only ever wanted to help you Mulder, yet I knew my days were numbered because of what I did.”

“Yeah and like an idiot I was blind to it all, that’s why I have to see this through with you. I see it that we have two main choices Alex, obviously we have to decide what’s best for both of us too.”

“Go on then lay it on me, what are the choices that I have to choose from?”

“Look first we can get up and have a shower, we can then talk after breakfast if that’s okay?”

“So you’re going to keep me in the dark then?”

“For now yes, I’m more concerned about your health and you need to eat Alex.”

To be honest Alex was healing rather fast physically, however it was his mental state that worried me the most. I knew all the trauma and suffering hadn’t helped in the slightest either, shit I had to see it as a possibility, and that was, that Alex might always remain unstable.

“Mulder are you even listening to me, I said can we shower together?”

“No or we’ll never get out babe, you shower, and I’ll make a start on breakfast.”

Alex got out of bed and gave me a sulky look, god I couldn’t help myself as I slapped his bare ass.

“Stop sulking babe as it turns me on, we can always come back to bed after we talk.”

“Do you promise?”

“Yeah Alex I promise.” 

I’d give anything to see Alex smile like that, he was gorgeous and I truly loved him. I also realized he was worth whatever I had to sacrifice; he was now my life.

I forced myself to get out of bed and put some underwear on, I then made my way into the extremely tidy kitchen. Well at least everything had proved easy to find, well knowing the gunmen they’d like to keep it organized.

I wasn’t a great cook by any means, however even I could mange to cook some eggs and toast. Alex walked into the kitchen just as I finished, I told him to take a seat while I dished out the food.

“Something smells good Mulder…”

“Hey, it’s only eggs and toast I’m afraid, however I guess it’s better than nothing at all.”

“Yeah well I’m starving, as soon as I smelt the food, I realized I was hungry.”

“Tuck in then babe.”

I grabbed the two mugs of steaming hot coffee, once sorted I sat at the table opposite Alex. Well at least he seemed like he had one hell of an appetite, as for me I was far too worried as to where this would lead.

Why of all people, shit seven billion people and I fall in love with Alex Krycek. Well it wasn’t like I’d ever done anything the easy way in life, so I guess this was normal by my standards.

I couldn’t help who I fell in love with, shit the man had stolen my heart in such a short time. I knew either way we chose at first would be hard, especially if we chose to take on the consortium and Spender.

Decisions, decisions… Also to top it off I’d have to know Alex was with me all the way on this. Maybe just getting the hell out of here would be best all around, all this thinking was really giving me a headache.

I looked up and noticed Alex had ate everything, he’d even finished the mug of hot coffee too. Well the time had arrived, and I guess there was no getting out of it now. The time had come to sit and have that talk, afterwards I’d make plans with regards to our decision.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew the time had come for that talk, however I just watched as Mulder cleared the table and refilled the coffee mugs. Shit I felt like a kid again, it wasn’t the first time I’d had a serious conversation with someone, especially sat around the kitchen table.

My father always made me sit at the kitchen table when he wanted to talk, however his talks weren’t the most pleasant to say the least.

“Right Alex, we have to talk and deal with all this so we can move on. How I see it is we have two choices; I just want your opinion on them.”

“Go on then Mulder, I’m all ears.”

“We could go back and face everyone, take on Spender and force him to let you go…”  
“Mulder are you out of your fuckin mind, I’m his and he’d kill me on sight now after what I’ve done. Shit he’ll most likely kill you too, I won’t put your life art risk just to save my own Mulder.”

“Hey calm down, I told you that this will be a joint decision. I won’t do anything that puts your life at risk either Alex, we’re together in this so remember that.”

“I’m sorry, I guess I’ve just spent so many years alone. Fine go on then, so what was your other idea Mulder?”

“We both just disappear together.”

“Okay, now I know you’re out of your mind, you’d soon resent me Mulder if you gave up your job.”

“Well maybe I’ve decided enough is enough, my happiness has always come secondary to all the fighting. I just want it to end and have a normal life, I love you so much and want that life to be with you…”

“Fuck, you really do mean it don’t you Mulder!”

Mulder moved and knelt beside my chair; all I saw on his gorgeous face was love. Shit and to think it was me that he loved, then suddenly his lips were upon mine. The man gave me a long passionate kiss, then he just calmly returned to his seat.

“Yes, I mean it with all my heart, I also want to do it as soon as possible if you agree.”

“So when would we leave Mulder?”

“First, I’ll need to see the gunmen, I’ll need some help getting you out of the country. I trust them with my life, I know they’ll find the safest place for us too. You’ll have to stay here while I go back to D.C, once it’s sorted, I’ll come and get you.”

Great now the tears came once more, was this all a trick and would Mulder leave me here all alone. I just had this gut feeling that he wouldn’t come back, I were sure the gunmen or Scully would make him see things their way.

“You don’t believe me do you Alex?”

“I’m so sorry Mulder, shit it’s just so hard at times as nothing goes right for me.”

“Look I promise here and now that I’ll come back, beyond that I don’t know what I can say to make you believe me.”

“I’ll be okay so don’t worry about me, does that mean you’ll be leaving soon though?”

“Hey, the sooner I go, the sooner I get back. That way we can get the hell out of here, just the two of us against the world babe.”

“Yeah I guess…”

“I’ll stay for a bit if you want me to?”

“Yeah I’d like that, plus you promised that we could go back to bed.”

“So I did, so what are you waiting for babe. Come on, I want you back in that bed right now.”

I followed Mulder back into the bedroom and lay down, I wanted to be held tight and for him to never let go. However Mulder had other ideas, he stood there just staring at me. Shit I was so turned on right now and hard, especially when he bent down and removed my underwear.

“Is this for me babe…”

“Yeah and only you Mulder, I want you to make me feel it. I want to feel this long after you’ve left, then that way I’ll know that you really want me.”

“So be it babe.”

I watched as Mulder reached over me and grabbed the lube, in that spit second, I grabbed hold of his wrist.

“Don’t use it Mulder…”

“Shit, are you sure that’s what you really want Alex?”

“Yeah, I told you I want to feel it long after you leave.”

“Okay, but it might hurt though.”

“God less talking Mulder, just fuck me already…”

“As you wish babe, my demanding little slut.”

Mulder parted my ass cheeks and entered me, there was nothing gentle about any of this. It was more an animal need than anything, a way to show acceptance and ownership.

Oh yeah it fuckin hurt at first, Mulder wasn’t exactly small in that department. To me it was a reminder of what I now had, also what I could lose if he never came back.

As Mulder fucked me, I cried silently, I prayed that he never noticed how pathetic and fucked up I am. I knew I was about to come, also as I tightened my ass Mulder came too, I never wanted this to end, hell maybe I’d have been better of never knowing how he felt about me.

The man finally collapsed on top of me exhausted, it didn’t bother me as I felt secure with him there.

After a couple of minutes he rested on his elbows, he then kissed me on my forehead and lips. Great at this rate I’d soon start crying again, and that was something I didn’t want to do in front of him. I knew I had to hold it together until after he’d left, once I was alone I’d be able to cry all I wanted.

Well if he saw the tears he kept quiet, he just got up off the bed and started down at me. Mulder then smiled and went into the bathroom; it was at that point I heard the shower go on.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that Alex was upset and finding all this hard, that’s why I decided to have a shower and give him some time alone. Maybe some time alone might help him deal with this, I honestly believed I was doing the right thing by leaving today.

It wasn’t like I even wanted to leave him here alone, but it wasn’t like I could just take him back with me either. I could imagine it all now, also Spender could find Alex easier if I did.

I got into the shower and started cleaning myself, it felt like I was washing away all traces of the man before I left. Everything just felt so wrong and it hurt so much, chances are I wouldn’t see Alex for a few days or so.

Soon I was clean and knew I’d have to get out, that or Alex would think I was avoiding him. Shit it wasn’t him I was avoiding; it was saying goodbye. Finally I dressed and had no excuses left, I opened the door and found Alex in bed where I left him.

“Hey, how are you holding up babe?”

My heart broke as Alex looked up at me, I knew he’d have spent the time alone just thinking. I guess it worried me how he’d cope alone, then I watched as he got off the bed and suddenly kissed me.

“Mulder will you do me a favour?”

“Yeah of course I will, what is it Alex?”

“I’m going for a long shower; can you just leave before I come out…”

“Alex please think…”

I never even got to finish my sentence, suddenly he was gone and the bathroom door slammed shut. Well I presumed by the kiss we were still okay, I guess Alex was no good at goodbyes either. I just felt so lost, I knew it was for the best but it still hurt like hell.

I Found a pen and left a small note on the pillow, I then grabbed my jacket and car keys. One look around the room and it was time to leave, I closed the door behind me and prayed I’d see him soon.

Once in my car I turned my cell phone back on, great all the usual messages from Scully and Skinner. I’d call them later, right now I wanted to speak to the gunmen and see if they could help.

“Hey Langley, it’s me.”

“Yo what’s up Mulder, oh did you manage to deal with that little problem?”

“Sort of, that’s the reason why I’m phoning.”

“So, what do you need Mulder?”

“How fast can you guys get me a fake passport?”

“How fast can you get me a photo of Krycek?”

“How did you know it was for Alex? Never mind I’ll get a photo to you today.”

“We can have it ready for you by tomorrow evening.”

“What, shit that’s fast.”

“We aim to please Mulder.”

“Great, I knew I could count on you guys.”

“Oh, what name do you want on it?”

“Just keep it simple, something close to his real name if you can. He’s used Artzen in the past, maybe Alexander Artzen.”

“Yeah okay, we’ll run it first though. See if he’s used it officially, also if he’s wanted by that name.”

“Thanks, see you always think of everything.”

“Thanks Mulder, is that it or is there something else?”

“I will need two plane tickets one way to somewhere safe, oh and I don’t want to know the location until it’s time to leave.”

“And you call us paranoid!”

“I guess I didn’t want to slip up and tell anyone where to find him, I can’t spill shit if I don’t know anything.”

“Very true, I’ll give a call tomorrow when it’s all sorted out.”

I hung up and threw the phone on the passenger seat, well at least everything was starting to take shape.

I decided that after the long drive to call at work, not that I wanted to work or anything. It was the only place where I could get a photo of Alex, I guess I should have got one while I was with him.

Well I had to sneak around a bit, however I got in and out without bumping into anyone. I got the photo out of Alex’s old file; it wasn’t like anyone would even miss it.

I dropped the photo of with the gunmen, and all I could do now was wait. It felt strange knowing I could be in a different country within days, especially as it was only one way. It did make me wonder if I’d ever see Scully again, or even the gunmen for that matter.

God I just knew I’d had enough for one day; I’d managed to do a lot but was now in desperate need of sleep. It was night time when I finally arrived back home, I was even too tired to check my answering machine.

I just threw my jacket on the chair and was soon in only my underwear, I then finally stretched out on my own faithful couch. My thought turned back to Alex and how alone he truly was, he was in the middle of nowhere with no one to talk to.

It scared the hell out of me in case he became depressed, I just had to hope that he hung in there until it was sorted. If all went well, I’d be with him in a couple of days, I’d had no second thoughts about the choices I’d made.

I knew that I’d willingly give up everything for him, for the life we’d have together.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t face saying goodbye to Mulder, I knew it would hurt far too much to do so. I knew if I had my way, I wouldn’t have let him go or leave me alone.

I even stayed in the shower until the water ran cold, I guess it was the thought of going back to that empty room. Shit I would be remined straight away of what we’d shared, how Mulder had made love to me.

However once out of the shower I grabbed a towel, then I just stood facing the mirror. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was normally far stronger than this, and had dealt with so much, I knew I had to find that strength once more.

I’d also have to hold on to my strength, in all honesty I started going soft the day I met Mulder. No in all honesty that was a lie and I knew it, Mulder had just brought out the old me, how I was before Spender got his hooks into me.

Yeah great way to motivate myself, think about my past and all the things I could never change. Fuck this, finally I stood up and prepared to leave the bathroom. I wasn’t some small child that had to hide from monsters, no but I did have monsters though and they were real, that was why I was hiding here in the first place.

There was one thing that I was sure of though, if I ever saw Spender alone, I’d take him out permanently. No one gets to fuck up my life anymore, then just to top it off bury me alive for fucks sake!

I just threw the bathroom door open and walked out, hell the first thing I noticed was the note on the bed. Part of me feared reading it, deep down I was afraid it said he wasn’t coming back at all.

Finally I had to know and picked it up, it was short and straight to the point and he would have known that. I read the few lines and struggled to breathe, to think he might really want me.

Alex

It’s never goodbye, it’s just till next time. I always thought that saying was appropriate for us, as there always will be a next time and you know that. Oh and just remember, I’m an invited guest into your head and heart now. All my love Fox.

Well all my newfound strength fled instantly upon reading it, a few little words and I’d fallen apart once more. I folded the not and put it beside the bed, I knew I’d keep it as I were sentimental underneath.

I knew I should go and spend the day doing something, that way it might pass some time. However, I lay back on the bed and grabbed the pillow Mulder had used.

God how it still smelt of the man and made me want him, great he’d been gone a couple of hours and I was like a lovesick puppy. Well it wasn’t like anyone was here to see me fall apart, maybe I might just stay in bed until someone came to get me.

Yeah right, what the hell would Mulder think of me then? Well this was Mulder after all, he’d perhaps wake up and realize just what a loser I truly am.

Right, I really had to get the hell out of this bed and do something, I suppose getting dressed would be a good place to start. Maybe later I could go for a walk out in the woods, no one would see me, and I could lock up behind myself too. I’d always been good at what I do, I knew to leave a few markers in place before I left.

I pulled my underwear and jeans on, then it wasn’t long before I was fully dressed once more. In some respects it made me feel whole once more, I guess my clothes offered some sort of protection.

Finally I went into the kitchen, that was when I noticed the coffee mugs on the table. I guess everything was a reminder of what I’d had, also the time I’d shared with Mulder.

Now I had to hope that we’d have times like that again and soon, for now though I washed the mugs, so it was less of a distraction.

It was also less painful, the more reminders that I removed. It wasn’t painful in a bad way, like something that should never have happened. It was painful in case it never happened again; I knew I didn’t want to live my life without Mulder in it.

I guess I’d had a taste of how things could be, to never have that again would be the cruellest fate possible. Who knows, maybe some time outside would do me some good, well it was a warm sunny day so no time like the present.

I went outside and sat down on the porch, soon I had my boots laced up and was ready to leave. I made sure I locked up and reset the alarm, I also left a couple of my own markers in place too.

Fuck, then it suddenly hit me that I had no gun. With my history I never went out without it, or at least some weapon or other. I literally had nothing and looked around, well beggars can’t be choosers, I found a heavy rock and put it in my pocket.

The days of been a doormat to the consortium where over now, I was sick or the abuse I’d taken from everyone because of Spender. I believed I was safe with Mulder, why save me if he wanted me dead. Well it wasn’t like I had any friends, hell I had no one for that matter.

It looked like I’d have to put all my trust into Fox Mulder, oh and pray he had trustworthy friends too as my life would be in their hands.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke and instantly felt alone, funny considering I’d been alone most of my life. Well I guess I’d have the company of Scully today, deep down I knew I’d have to face her and tell her I’m leaving.

I was far more nervous about telling her this, than what I’d done to Alex. Scully was my one and only true friend and this would be so hard, I’d also miss her more than anything or anyone else.

My first job was to make a quick call to the gunmen, I wanted someone to check the place for bugs so I knew it was safe to talk. Once that was done, I had a quick shower and dressed. I decided I’d have a coffee at her place, this was one talk I well and truly wanted over with.

Finally I left and arrived outside Scullys in no time, now I had to move my ass and go knock on the door before I chickened out. Shit I was a grown man and could do this, finally I took a deep breath and knocked.

I was starting to wonder if I should have called her first, I was just about to walk away as the door opened. Well it was now or never, I just hoped she didn’t hate me after I’d told her.

“Hey Mulder come in, I hadn’t expected to see you here after your disappearance.”

“It’s a long story Scully.”

“Fine take a seat Mulder, I’ll just make us a drink then we can talk.”

I went inside and sat down nervously on the couch, soon Scully returned with the coffee and was ready to talk.

“So Mulder, where have you been?”

“I got a call from Langley with regards to Alex, it was my fault as I’d forgot to tell them he was there. However he was too much for the three of them, they called me because they didn’t know what to do with him.”

“Why, what do you mean Mulder?”

“Alex lost it bigtime and started screaming, I guess they couldn’t cope with him and had to restrain him.”

“Maybe he needs some professional help, he was severely abused and buried alive Mulder.”

“Yeah tell me about it, even I had to give him a sedative just so he’d calm down. We had a long talk after he broke down completely, I think it was productive and we manged to sort a lot out. However it will still be hard at times, also he’ll need a lot of patience and time too.”

“Mulder you have to accept that he might never get over it, it could take years to deal with what that man has been through.”

“Yeah, I’m well aware of that, however I know he can’t do it alone. Alex will dwell on it and drive himself mad, that or he’ll end it before that happens.”

“So where is he now?”

The cabin, he won’t be able to stay there though. The place will only be safe for so long, I can’t keep going back as I might be followed. Also there’s a high chance of cabin fever, especially as he’s alone.”

“So I take it you came to a conclusion then, you must have discussed the possibilities with him?”

“Yeah the gunmen are helping me, we plan to get him out of the country.”

Well I had no intention of telling her about the fake passport, I figured it would be safer for Alex if few people knew the actual details.

“Well it’s good that he has some help dealing with it all.”

“Part of me thought you’d want him bringing in, especially because of his past…”

“Mulder, I think he’s already suffered enough, I’m sure he’s paid for his dealings with the consortium.”

“Yeah considering he did most of it for me, he knew his life was at risk, yet he still did it. Spender’s not stupid and had kept an eye on Alex, to be honest I think he knew all along that Alex was helping me.”

“So what about you Mulder, where does that leave you now?”

“In what respect Scully?”

“Did you tell Alex how you felt about him, or did that subject not come up at all?”

Shit I knew that I’d have to say something, I thought I’d leave out the part about our love making and night together.

“Mulder…”

“Sorry Scully’ I guess I were miles away.”

“Mulder did you tell Alex about your feelings towards him?”

“Yeah, we talked a lot, Alex explained a lot and about how he’d helped me. Then he explained how he felt towards me, we even managed to discuss what I’d done to him. I can’t believe he accepted the abuse I’d caused him, mainly because he was in love with me.”

“So Alex talked, you still haven’t mentioned whether you told him or not?”

“Yeah, I told him Scully, I told him how I love him and didn’t want to lose him again. It was a real eye opener Scully, it really hit home just how much he means to me.”

“That’s good, you both needed to come clean and be honest with each other. You did the right thing Mulder, especially if he’s leaving. I guess the big question is how you’ll cope apart, you’ll find it hard for some time if you really do love him.”

“We did a lot of talking, we also decided to do what was best for the both of us.”

“So what did you decide then Mulder?”

“I can’t let him go alone, nor do I myself want to be without him. I’m trying to tell you I’m going too; I’ll be leaving the country with Alex.”

I wanted the couch to open and swallow me up, I guess I felt like I were letting Scully down and it hurt.

XXXXXXXXXX

The walk outside was rather relaxing, it was also clearing the headache I’d had for a few hours now. I walked for about half an hour before coming across a small stream, my foot still hurt from the bullet wound so I sat down on the grass.

I felt so tired right now, tired of the life I’d been forced to live for so many years. Everyone always said it was my choice to live the life I had, yeah right, what a fuckin joke that was.

My life was pretty much decided for me from a very young age, it was to be my destiny and fate to work for that cancerous bastard. The joy of having parents that already worked for Spender, I’d accepted my role in life without question. It was what had kept me alive for so many years, I guess then I fell in love.

I wasn’t happy; however it was the only life I knew at the time. Then Spender had given me a job that would change my perception on life, I’d been given the job to work with Fox Mulder.

It may sound a bit clique, but hell I fell in love with him back when we met in the bull pen. Then to have the one person you love despise you, to hate you so much he beat you all the time.

I guess it was funny how my life had turned out now, I was in my thirties and only just finding my true self and what I wanted. To be able to move away with Mulder, have him in my life and be together. Also to be able to hold hands and do normal things, without having the likes of Spender breathing down my neck.

I knew I’d never be totally free; I’d always have to look over my back too. The consortium had members all over the world, hopefully no one would recognize me and Spender believed I were dead. The strange thing was Spender, he was the only one who’d ever wanted me dead.

Soon I realized I’d been out here a few hours; night was coming in now and I was starting to feel it. Also I’d have to hope the gunmen never came while I were out, well I suppose it would be okay if they had some good news for me.

All I wanted was to get out of America, I’d rather take a bullet than be buried and left to die. I guess I’d just have to try and stay positive, I’d have to just keep telling myself that Mulder would be here with me soon.

I took a slow walk back; it wasn’t like there was anything to rush back for anyway. My first job was to check all my markers were in place, well I guess no news was good news.

Once inside I made a quick sandwich and sat down on the porch, the night was cool and I liked it like this. I wasn’t accustomed to been trapped inside somewhere; I even took a full bottle of vodka outside with me.

This place was beautiful at night time, the sky was bright and full of many stars tonight. I tried to imagine a place like this for myself and Fox, just the two of us far away from the rest of the world.

I was an idiot to drink so much in such a short time, especially as it had a habit of making me depressed when I was on my own. I started to wonder what the hell Mulder really saw in me, then there was my past. What would he think of me then, if my past ever decided to raise its ugly head?

I’d done some despicable things over the years; some I regret and some I’d do again in a heartbeat. Well I guess the main one to concern Mulder was his father, and hopefully we’d dealt with that and it was in the past now.

The vodka was warming my insides; however the night was turning cold and I knew I’d have to move soon. Maybe with any luck it would be just one more night alone, one more night stuck inside and alone.

At least the gunmen had a really decent place, in all honesty I preferred the bedroom as it was so large. I decided to take the rest of the vodka into the bedroom with me, I then stripped down to my underwear and sat down on the bed.

The room smelt of Fox amongst other things, it also had a strong smell of sex too and served to remind me of what I was missing. To think, soon we’d be able to make love every night and wake up together.

For once I felt truly happy with life, I lay back on the bed and grabbed the pillow that smelt of Fox. As for my other hand it had ideas of its own, I reached for my cock and imagined it was Fox’s hand as I removed my boxers.

Soon I worked up a rhythm thinking about his warm mouth around me, those gorgeous pouting lips giving me the best blow job of my life.

I’d always watched when Mulder had spoke to me and imagined other things, dirty thoughts of him on his knees with my cock deep down his throat. I’d fuck his pretty mouth hard until I came, then afterwards I’d want him to fuck me and make me his forever.

Maybe that fantasy had a chance of coming true now, just thinking about it all finally sent me over the edge.

I wanted to just stay here; however I knew I’d have to move. For all I knew anyone could turn up and pay me a visit, and this wasn’t the way I’d want someone to see me. Once clean I re dressed into my underwear, I then shoved the empty vodka bottle under the cover beside me.

I had to be prepared for anything, the only upside was Spender believing I were dead. My thoughts drifted to myself and Fox once more, at least for tonight I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

XXXXXXXXXX

To my surprise Scully had totally backed me, she said that I had to do what was best, and what I felt was right for me. She even agreed to deal with all my finances here after I left, we even discussed how we’d meet up in the future and still keep in touch.

We just knew we wouldn’t be able to see each other anytime soon though, it hurt but it had to be done.

After I left, I decided to do some late night shopping, I knew Alex was very limited to the amount of clothes he had. I bought him some basics for now, black jeans were good as he looked sexy as hell in them. I also threw in some underwear and white tee shirts, once done I drove to the nearest cash machine.

I withdrew as much as I could and put it with the money I had, I’d pack some in the bag and carry the rest with me. I knew we’d have to manage the best we could, it would be all we’d have until everything was sorted out.

I decided to leave the bag inside my car, if all went well we’d be leaving tomorrow anyway. I drove home knowing that I had a lot to sort out, I’d also have to decide what I wanted to take with me and leave until later.

Whatever I left Scully could sell or donate to charity, the money would be transferred to a secure location in a few months. My main thins needed were clothes, I wanted to take a few with me in case I had to find work wherever we went. Saying that though, we’d have to travel light until we had a place of our own.

I had a passport that the gunmen had made me in the past, I’d never used it as it was for emergencies only. I guess I’d made a few enemies over the years, It was to use as my way out should I need it.

Now I had to pray both passports would hold up for inspection, the gunmen had assured me they were the best and top quality. I was finally packed, so I decided to get some needed sleep before I collapsed.

It felt strange thinking this would be my last night here, well I suppose the last few days had been strange too. I was buying clothes and planning a future with a man, and not just any man either.

Surprisingly sleep came fast, maybe it was the thought of finally been at peace with myself and Alex. When I woke, I decided to move straight away, I just wanted to leave here and be with Alex once more.

I soon showered and dressed casually; it was now time to say goodbye to my fish along with this apartment. Once done, I just grabbed my bag and never looked back. This part of my life was well and truly over, it was time to move on and start afresh.

I decided to take the stairs, I didn’t want any of my neighbours to keep me talking for hours today. I was in a good mood as I opened the door and walked out, well that was until I walked straight into Spender.

“Agent Mulder how nice to see you, are you going anywhere nice?”

“I’m just dropping some stuff off at a friend’s, you see some of us actually have friends. I’m busy anyway, so just spit it out and tell me what you want?”

“Have you seen Alex Krycek at all, it seems he’s proving to be elusive once more?”

“How the hell should I know where he is?”

“We dug up the grave Agent Mulder.”

“What grave…”

Shit I was trying so hard to act as normal as possible, would Spender really dig it up to see if Alex was dead? Well I guess this was Spender after all, also he had plenty of goons to do his dirty work for him.

“The grave that was dug for Alex Krycek.”

“Look Spender, I’m busy and I’m not interested in your stupid games.”

“Believe me this is no game Agent Mulder; you see I believe you know exactly where he is. Alex Krycek belongs to me and I want him back, no matter what it takes.”

“Go to hell Spender…”

“I’ll find him sooner or later Agent Mulder, be careful where you go or who you talk with.”

“Are you threatening me Spender?”

“No it’s just a friendly warning, I’ll be watching every single move you make Agent Mulder. Alex is mine and I w on’t have anyone help him, you’d do well to stay away from him for your own sake and his.

“You don’t scare me old man.”

I got into my car and slammed the car door shut, I knew Spender wasn’t bluffing and that Alex wasn’t safe from him. I wasn’t willing to lead Spender straight to him; I wouldn’t be responsible for the death of the man I loved.

I drove away from my apartment and Spender; it was on the drive to see the gunmen that I made my decision. It wasn’t taken lightly, also it would break my heart too.

I rang the bell and waited, finally it was Langley that opened the door for me.

“Hey Mulder.”

“Langley I really need your help as I’m desperate.”

“What’s up Mulder.”

I need you to get this bag to Alex, I also need you to get him out of here as fast as you can…”

“Has something happened Mulder?”

“Spender knows he’s alive and you three are the only ones I can trust; I need you to get him away without been followed.”

“Hey what about you Mulder, I thought you were going with him?”

“I can’t as Spender has his men following me, tell Alex I’ll see him as soon as I dare leave here.”

“We’ll have him out of here before the day ends Mulder, I know he means a lot to you so we’ll keep him safe.”

“Thanks Langley, also tell him to burn the passport when he reaches his destination.”

“Will do, is there anything else Mulder/”

“Yeah there is actually, don’t tell Alex Spender checked the grave and knows he’s alive. I want him to be safe, also without fearing that cancerous bastard.”

“Yeah dude that’s all okay, do you want to know where he’s going, or even what country?”

“No, promise me you’ll never tell me Langley. I know that I can never be with him now, if I don’t know where he is, I won’t be tempted to follow him.”

I walked away knowing that part of my life wasn’t to be, keeping the man I loved alive was far more important than my selfishness.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke and felt really good with myself, it was a bright sunny day outside and the birds were singing. Things I guess that normal people always took for granted, well normally I’d always been a night person in my former life.

Darkness had always been a friend in my line of work; however I knew I could soon get used to this way of life. It also felt good been able to get a shower every morning too, now all I would need was a strong coffee.

I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist, however I was taken aback when I opened the bathroom door. There stood in the bedroom were the gunmen, last time I think I’d scared them half to death with all my screaming.

This time it was me that felt uncomfortable dressed like this, I guess too many men had used my body in the past. I tried to just play it safe, if I acted natural everything should be okay as Mulder trusted them.

“What’s up guys?”

Shit I felt more at unease when I couldn’t see Mulder, I guess he hadn’t come with them this time. It was the blond one that talked first, well actually he did most of the talking.

“You need to get dressed as we have to move now.”

“Where’s Mulder, he was meant to be coming with me?”

“He plans to travel separate as it will be safer, don’t worry we’ve got everything covered.”

“Yeah okay, if you say so. I just wanted to see him, also it would have been good to have someone to travel with.”

“You’ll see him soon enough, come on just get dressed.”

I wasn’t happy at all with the idea of travelling without Mulder, not that I had a choice if I wanted to stay alive. I was soon dressed and ready to go wherever they sent me, well I was rather surprised by their mode of transport.

They owned some really old beat up camper van, well I could live with it as long as it got me from A to B. Most of the ride to the airport was made in silence, once we arrived I was given the bag and passport.

“Thanks Langley, so what’s in the bag?”

“There’s some clothes and money to keep you going for a while, also a plane ticket to England.”

“What… shit why England?”

“It was the safest place we could find, and Mulder said that was more important than anything. Also there’s a place that’s rented out for you, you’ll just need to see the landlord and get the keys.”

“Fine, I guess it’s far better than staying in America.”

“Mulder said when you arrive destroy the passport, oh and also anything else that links you to America. In the bag you’ll find some various paperwork, it all states that you’re a British citizen.”

“God you guys think of everything don’t you…”

“We have to in our line of work, also we’d have to deal with Mulder if we messed up. Mulder said you mean everything to him; we were to take care of you and make sure nothing went wrong.”

“Well thanks as I’m really grateful to you all, so when does the plane depart?”

“Very soon so you can book in now.”

“Just one more thing Langley…”

“Yeah what’s that?”

“Did Mulder roughly say when he’d be joining me, everything is alright isn’t it?”

“I don’t know much with regards to Mulder, all you can do is wait for him.”

“I thought you were buying both the tickets; surly you must know the date at least?”

“Mulder arranged his own, that way they were bought separate.”

“Okay, thanks’ anyway.”

I shook hands with Langley and walked into the airport, well it looked like it was just me and my shadow once again. Great I hated flying as it was, however, nothing was worse than having to fly alone.

Great, this would be an eight hour flight to London, with any luck I might just sleep until the plane lands. The flight was draining to say the least, the flight suffered a lot of turbulence and was full of noise.

By the time we hit London I couldn’t get off fast enough, well I was pleased that my passport had got me through the airport. Not that I had a clue where I were, or where I was going. I decide I’d call a cab, at least I might get there sometime today.

I told the cab driver the address, apparently it would take over half an hour from the airport, so I made myself comfy. I decided to open the bag now and get some money out ready, well I had to admit I were surprised by the amount, Mulder had put plenty in there.

Was the money for both of us, or had Mulder given me enough to last while I was on my own. Great suddenly my head was filled with doubts regarding Mulder, deep down I had this feeling he wasn’t coming.

Maybe that had been his plan all along, maybe the money was a way of saying thanks for the time we’d spent together. Shit what the hell did that make me, nothing more than a paid whore really?”

Hell maybe it was just me been paranoid as usual, I guess it was natural when everyone in your life had let you down. That was the story of my entire fucked up life, once again I wondered what Mulder saw in me.

I was tired and it felt like late evening now, despite it only been afternoon here in London. I hated jet lag, all I wanted was to get settled and get some sleep.

My first stop would be the landlord so I could get the keys, well at least from the outside it all looked okay. Also the landlord turned out to be an okay guy, he gave me the keys and explained a few rules to me.

Well at least it was at the back and on the fourth floor, he also informed me the rent was paid up for a month in advance. I opened the door and entered the apartment, there was a bedroom and a small kitchen.

I then noticed the small living room, the first things to stand out were the television and leather couch It made me smile and think about Mulder, well I guess he’d have been well and truly at home in that room.

It was somewhat on the small side, but anything was better than roughing it out there on the streets. I had to admit that it felt strange been here alone, also knowing it would be my home for the foreseeable future.

Chances are I’d spend a lot of time out though, maybe there was a park or somewhere I could go during the day. Well it was either that or I’d go mad, the place already felt like it was closing in on me.

I’d grab a few hours sleep before anything, then afterwards I’d check out my surroundings. First though, I had one other job that needed doing. I went over to the kitchen sink and grabbed my passport and lighter, now I just stood there and watched as the passport burnt to ashes, I then just washed it all away.

Well I knew there was no way of going back to America now, shit it wasn’t like I really had anything to go back to anyway.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe that I’d let Alex walk out of my life again, however I felt like I had no choice with Spender breathing down my neck.

At least the gunmen had informed me that Alex was safe and on the plane, I just felt so strange and lost without him now. To be honest, hell it felt strange knowing he wasn’t even in this country.

I was hoping that eventually, Spender would get bored with me. Yet it never changed, it always felt like I were been watched no matter where I went. As for me, well I just carried on as normal. That was the good thing about not knowing, I couldn’t tell anyone where Alex was.

I’d even gone to the lengths of changing my phone number, knowing Spender he’d be monitoring all calls I made too. I knew he’d be waiting for me to slip up, or maybe Alex to try contacting me.

I also knew I’d phone him if I could, that was why it had to be a totally clean break with no contact at all. I guess it was just so hard, I didn’t even know where he was or if he was still alive.

I knew the money would only last him so long, then how the hell would Alex survive? Shit I knew that I had to move on as it was over, I just found it hard as I loved him so much.

I’d thought about going straight home after work, however right now I couldn’t face the thought of been alone. I could have invited Scully over, but she had plans, I knew that she’d gone back home to visit her mother.

No offence, but I couldn’t deal with that today despite the offer. I knew Scully only asked me as she felt sorry for me, also I didn’t want to ruin her family time either.

The time I’d spent with Alex was only short, however I knew that it’d truly changed me. I guess I’d had a taste of what could be, and it wasn’t something I’d given up lightly.

Well it looked like I had two choices, it was the local bar or liquor store. Fuck it, at least at a bar I wouldn’t feel as alone as I do right now.

Hell I had no idea where Spender gets his goons from, however I did know that they did a shit job at been discrete. Then again, they did work for Spender, maybe he wanted me to know they were there. I bet the bastard thought he was intimidating me, maybe he thought I’d give in and talk.

I entered the bar and found a seat in the corner I then watched as another man entered and sat at another table. So I take it this was the man that worked for Spender, I only knew because I’d seen him before.

The trouble was, I could now feel my temper rising dramatically. The man was the same one that had beat and raped Alex, in the woods beside the grave. Hell he was also the one that had buried Alex, well I guessed at least I knew what I were up against.

I decided to order a beer and just watch him for now, however I knew one day I’d get renege for Alex. To be honest it felt good sitting here watching him, it made a change from them always watching me.

Alex had said that his name was Luis, apparently the man was trigger happy and didn’t give a shit about anyone. Well maybe just Spender, by the sounds of it he’d bend over backwards for that cancerous bastard.

Realistically Spender could have had me taken out at any time, it made me wonder why he hadn’t killed me yet. Shit maybe there were some truths in the rumours after all, great now I wanted to throw up just thinking about it.

Could you imagine having that cancerous bastard for a father, ha not that Bill Mulder was any better in the end. From here it looked like Luis was drinking just water, yeah, I bed he had to keep a clear head working for Spender.

In the end I only had a couple of drinks myself, deep down all I wanted was to give the bastard a piece of my mind. I got up knowing he’d soon follow me, however once outside I waited around the corner.

I just bided my time, however once he walked out, I was there. I stood right behind him and pointed my gun at his back.

“Stay the fuck away from me, you can also pass on the same message to your boss.”

“You don’t scare me at all Agent Mulder, you haven’t got it in you to kill in cold blood. Look at the end of the day it’s just a job, you do yours and I’ll do mine.”

“Yeah well you won’t kill me either, not without the say so of your boss.”

“True, however at the rate you’re going he’ll be giving that order soon enough. Then believe me, I’ll take great pleasure in putting a bullet in your pretty head.”

“Ha, I’m sure you’d take great pleasure putting a bullet in anyone.”

“Yeah but you’re different from all the rest Agent Mulder…”

“How the hell do you work that out?”

“Because I wouldn’t put a bullet in you straight away, first I’d have to mess with that pretty head of yours.”

“In your dreams.”

“Well it would be your nightmare Agent Mulder, because I’d fuck that tight ass of yours until you screamed. Force myself so far inside you, I wouldn’t stop until I had you bleeding and in agony.”

“Well the only way you’d touch me is in your dreams Luis.”

“Oh I’ sure I could make you enjoy it to begin with, just like I did with that lover of yours. God the man was so fuckin tight, and I’d wanted him for so long.”

“Yeah well that’s the only way you could have him, Alex would never have gone near you otherwise.”

“Believe me, there’s a hell of a lot you don’t know about Alex Krycek.”

Suddenly I felt sick and my hand shook, the bastard knew and turned to face me despite the gun I held.

“What’s up, you got nothing else to say Agent Mulder?”

“I’ll fuckin kill you, hell you deserve it for what you did to Alex alone…”

“Yeah well believe me that won’t happen anytime soon.”

With that he just turned and walked away, however I knew he’d still be out there watching what I did next. That or where I went, after all he did have to answer to that black lunged bastard.

I walked back to my car and got inside; I spent all that time plotting how I’d kill him for Alex

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke to some loud noise outside, hell I jumped at every single sound I heard lately. I also woke with another lousy headache too; well I guess that’s what happens when you drink a shit ton of vodka.

I’d been in this country for over three weeks now, shit and I was still alone too. I guess I should accept the reality, the chances are I’d now remain alone.

Mulder never even showed up, maybe I was the fucked up one for believing he would come. It just hurt so much, and the pain was unbearable, now it was only the vodka that helped me forget for so long.

I’d even tried phoning his cell phone every day, sometimes more than once a day too. All I got was a stupid fuckin answering machine, I guess I could have called him at work. However I was paranoid, knowing Spender he’d be monitoring all calls.

I knew I was in another country and should be safe, however I knew the Englishman had a home and family here. Maybe he wanted me dead too, well they all would if Spender gave the order.

Well maybe today I might get up out of bed, well it wasn’t like I went any farther than the local liquor store. Maybe I should just spend all my money, I could just stock up on a ton of vodka.

Really, I should go out there and find an internet café or something, that way I could send Mulder an email. I knew it was a risk, however I believed it to be safer than phoning him.

I’d just have to be careful how I worded said email, shit they could be hacking into all Mulders files for all I knew. Not that I had a choice though, how the hell could I go back to America without a passport.

I was stuck in this fuckin country with no way out, when I arrived, I’d burnt all my bridges, I guess I thought I’d have Mulder here with me. However now I was alone and couldn’t do a damn thing, I’d have to live with the consequences.

I knew I’d be okay for a few more weeks money wise, however the rent alone would set me back a fair bit though. I figured I’d have enough for at least one full month, after that I’d have no choice but to find a job.

It would also have to be a well paid job too, that or I’d have to look for cheaper accommodation. I was settled here and knew where most things were, so I didn’t relish the thought of moving yet again.

It’s funny really, I’d spent years without a home and lived in my car or motels. Now I get a home and don’t want to leave it, part of it was because of Mulder and what we could have had.

Well speaking of Mulder, I had to think about contacting him, then I’d need to get a gun too. This wasn’t my country and I was at a loss; shit I didn’t even know how to protect myself really.

Well my first job would be getting out of this bed, not an easy job with a hangover. Shit it hurt to even move, my head was pounding, and I would need some painkillers.

I just threw on some clothes and had a quick wash, soon I was good to go. I knew there wasn’t much point doing a lot, it wasn’t like I actually planned to be gone long. Also once back I’d be returning to my bed, I’d also be taking another bottle of vodka with me too.

Soon I found a café, I then looked for a seat far in the corner. I guess old habits do die hard, I wanted it so I had my back against the wall and could see who entered.

Once comfy I ordered myself a strong coffee, sometimes I had to wonder why the hell I even bothered. I’d clear my head and sober up, just to go back home and do it all over again. In all honesty I was drinking far more than I ever had, maybe it was time to admit it was getting out of hand.

However right now I knew I was fighting the depression and loneliness, I guess it was hard when you didn’t even have a reason to fight anymore.

For now though I had to pull my head out of the sand, I should be thinking about how I’d try and contact Mulder. I thought through all my options, I then realized the gunmen were my best bet. That way there shouldn’t be any come back on me or this country. Also if I worded it right I’d be okay, how the hell would Spender know it was me anyway.

I drank my coffee and tried to decide what to say, I knew I’d have to keep it as simple as possible. I wouldn’t be able to use any names or anything like that, okay maybe I could try something a little different. I finally wrote it, then I re read it twice.

One pet rat seeks spooky companionship, looking for the invited guest I let into my head and heart. Urgent, please don’t ignore this!!!

I’d seen the gunmen’s set up back in the cabin, I knew how it all worked too. The message would be sent to the Bullet magazine hotline, the gunmen would be notified in minutes. I guess a reply would depend how fast they contacted Mulder, well that was if he even replied.

Now all I could do was sit back and wait, to be honest it was rather relaxing watching everyone come and go. Everyone seemed to have a life, places to go, and families to take care of. Well everyone except for me that was, all I did was sit here drinking one mug of coffee after another.

Shit there were people even asking for money, some even offered sex in exchange for cash. Well that was a way if I became desperate, ha like hell was I lowering myself to that level again.

Someone dropped a leaflet on the table in front of me, it was for some London escort agency. Apparently, they offered the best, also they only catered for the rich and elite.

Well it wasn’t like I’d fit in there; I never gave it a second thought as I shoved the leaflet into my pocket. Four weeks then I’d have to figure out all my options, right now all I wanted was a reply to my email.

It turned out I had to wait over six hours in the end, I was actually surprised that no one had kicked me out yet. Shit I was so nervous and was afraid to open the email, yet I’d waited ages and knew I had to be brave and just do it.

Pet rat we contacted your owner as requested, you’re no longer a pet and are now on your own. Also you’re not to try making contact again, things here have changed and this is best all around.

Four short lines and my world fell apart, it couldn’t have been any clearer that Mulder no longer wanted me. Maybe I had to accept that he’d used me all along, I guess he’d managed to fuck me over in more ways than one.

Mulder had got what he wanted, then he’d even managed to get me out of his life too. He used a low hand trick, hell he even managed to have me sent to another fuckin country.

I threw some money on the table and left, now I just wanted to find a liquor store and go home. Ha home, what a fuckin joke that was.

I finally made it home in a rough state, I’d decided to open the vodka on the way home instead of waiting. I closed the door behind me, I guess I’d just have myself for company once more.

I guess somethings never change, well fuck Mulder and fuck everyone.

XXXXXXXXXX

The weeks were going by really fast now, I’d decided to dedicate my time into working once more. Scully had been there for me, she’d also helped me through some of the bad times, and when I was upset.

We’d done movie nights together, oh and also pizza nights. Hell, I’d even hung with the gunmen and gone out with them too. Nothing took my mind of Alex for long though, today I had a report to write for Skinner. I was hoping it kept me busy, as Skinner wanted it on his desk before the day ended.

This was the one part of my job that I hated, I’d even spent hours moaning about it instead of doing it. I guess Scully was pissed off as she went to Quantico, well all I could do was write the report and moan to myself.

Over three hours later, shit and I’d only just finished writing the damn report. I called Skinner to let him know, however according to Kimberly he was busy. Well I wasn’t getting crap for not handing it in, that was when I decided I’d take it to Skinner myself.

Skinner couldn’t really moan if I showed up, he was the one after all that wanted it done today. I reached his office in no time; it was then that Kimberly told me he was in a meeting. However I was to take a seat and wait, he’d see me as soon as he’d finished.

Great it looked like I’d spend the rest of my day sat here, shit I’d seen how much Skinner could talk in a meeting. I’d had many sleepless nights and it was starting to catch up with me, I put my head back and closed my eyes.

The first thing I thought about was Alex, and how I’d hurt him so much. To have someone believe you wanted them, then suddenly they took it all away. The man was already as fragile as hell, I had to wonder if this had finally pushed him over the edge. That or Alex would move on and hate me, okay I really didn’t want to think about him with someone else.

Shit he wasn’t the only one that was fragile right now, I myself was only just holding on here. I had to wonder if Alex would ever show up back here in America, also would he want revenge for what I did.

I’d had no intention of falling asleep or anything like that, I just felt more relaxed with my eyes closed. Skinners door opened and my eyes flew open, the first thing I noticed was the stench of cigarette smoke.

Where there was smoke, I would normally find Spender, especially since Skinner had a smoke free office. Skinner walked over to Kimberly to ask her something, Spender had the nerve to just stand there grinning at me.

“What the hell do you want Spender?”

“Nothing that concerns you Agent Mulder, well not at the moment anyway.”

“Good stay the hell out of my life then, oh and take your goons with you too.”

“I’m sorry, however I have no idea what you’re talking about Agent Mulder.”

I could never control myself around that man, he always manged to bring out the worst in me. I moved fast, then within seconds I had him pinned against the wall.

“Touch me or anyone that means something to me and your dead, I’ll make sure I finish you myself for what you’ve done.”

Great now I was stood here with Skinners arm around my throat, hell it wasn’t even like I was the bad guy here.

“Is there a problem here Agent Mulder?”

“Get the fuck off me Skinner…”

“Calm down then I’ll let go, I asked you a question Agent Mulder…”

“It’s between myself and that cancerous bastard.”

“If that’s the case take it outside, however I won’t have one of my agents behaving in this manner.”

Skinner kept a tight grip on me as he told Spender to leave, however as usual the bastard had to have the last word.

“I’ll see you around Agent Mulder, oh and make sure you behave and no more digging up graves.”

“You fuckin bastard…”

“Agent Mulder, get the hell in my office NOW!”

Suddenly Skinner shoved me into his office, he then took a seat behind his desk and just sat there. God the man looked so intimidating, even when he was just sat there doing nothing. Finally he broke the silence, well I guess this was when I’d get the lecture from him. Well that was if I were lucky, Skinner might decide to suspend me instead.

“Sit down now Agent Mulder.”

Suddenly I felt like a naughty kid in the headmaster’s office, fuck maybe I was starting to really lose it now. Either way I deceived the best thing to do was sit down, I then tried to smile and look all innocent.

“Talk right now Agent Mulder, I want to know what the hell’s going on between you and Spender.”

“Nothing Sir…”

“Don’t you dare treat me like I’m stupid Agent Mulder, first him with all the accusations and now you!”

“Why what the hell did Spender say, I want to know if it was regarding me.”

“According to him you’ve been having an affair with Alex Krycek, he told me that I should keep a close eye on you. Even though I told him that you weren’t that stupid, he was also talking about you digging a grave or something.”

Well I knew there was no way of getting out of this now, I guess now was the time to come clean with Skinner.

“It’s not what you think Sir.”

“No it never is Agent Mulder.”

“Alex has gone now anyway, hell he’s not even in America anymore. Also yes, we were seeing each other for a short time. I found out that everything he’d done had been to protect me, he sacrificed himself to give me information. I guess we actually talked properly, and something just clicked between us.”

“Shit Mulder, if that’s the case I’m better off not knowing the details. I told Spender he was a liar; I really didn’t think you’d get involved with the likes of him.”

“It wasn’t planned Sir, I guess I finally admitted the truth to myself. I’d always found Alex attractive, yet I hated him because of all Spenders lies. The bastard even buried Alex alive and left him to die, shit I had no choice other than to dig him up.”

“I take it that’s why Krycek left then?”

“Yeah so you don’t have to worry Sir, however Spender won’t let it go until he finds Alex.”

“Fine I’ll have to take your word that it’s sorted, just don’t give me a reason to doubt you Agent Mulder.”

“I swear I won’t Sir.”

“Very well, that’s all for now, oh and Agent Mulder…”

“What Sir?”

“Thanks for actually handing in a report on time, I’m really impressed.”

“Whatever Sir.”

With that I left his office and returned to my own, I’d only been there a few minutes when I received a call. It turned out to be Frohike, apparently it was urgent that I check my emails. He also assured me that the connection had been checked, my office was secure for now at least.

I had to wonder what was up and so important, that was when I noticed the forwarded email from Alex. I read it and the sent my answer to the gunmen. Now I felt like a total bastard, shit I’d told Alex that he was now on his own.

It was over between us and he wasn’t to contact me again, I knew what Alex would think. Shit the man would think I’d just used him as a form of payback, now my fragile heart was breaking all over again.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d gone home that night and drank myself into oblivion, however morning came around really fast along with all my problems. To be honest, that was to be my life for the next month or so. I drank most days and nights; I hadn’t even bothered looking for work or anything.

It was like nothing else mattered in my life now, well on the upside I’d managed to get a gun. Now when I went out, I felt less naked, also it made me safe from certain people. The only downside had been the cost of it, shit I now found myself with only two hundred pound left.

I knew that my rent was due in a few days, that alone would set me back a bit. I knew the time had come to decide my future, it was that or I’d just die here in this room.

Maybe I could just go and mug someone in an ally, yeah right, I’d gone soft and would do anything to please Mulder. The man still was in my head and my heart, there was no way of getting rid of him.

I had to admit that I were pathetic, my life choices were based on a man who hated me. A man who had used me, then he’d just sent me away like I was nothing. My life should have ended in that grave, as what Mulder had done was far worse.

The man had made it very clear that I was nothing to him, I was to stay the hell away from him for my own good. Thinking of Mulder reminded me of that day in the café, it was a few weeks ago but who knows… I jumped up to see if the flyer was still in my jacket pocket.

An elite escort agency that only catered to the best, well I’d been taught by the best and knew how to put on an act. Also at the end of the day what did it matter, as I had fuck all to lose anyway. I decided to call straight away, that way I wouldn’t have time to change my mind.

“Elite escorts, how may I help you Sir?”

Funny how straight away all my old training kicked in, maybe that was why it wouldn’t have worked out with Mulder. Shit I had to get back on track with the here and now, I put on my best voice and answered her question.

“Hi, I’m actually looking for a job, I just want to know what’s involved?”

“Okay no problem, can you make it to our office today?”

“That depends where you are?”

“I’ll text you the full address, however it’s just off Oxford street.”

“Yeah that’s okay, is there anything else I should know first?”

“Come at a time that suits you and ask for Nick when you arrive, he’ll interview you and take it from there.”

“I don’t want to be a nuisance, however, is it possible to ask one more question….”

“Feel free to ask as many as you want.”

“Is it just an escort service?”

“Sorry, what do you mean?”

“I don’t have to go back to their hotel or… Never mind it doesn’t matter.”

“Hey, don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal to ask that. Well the answers no, we don’t expect anything like that from you. Your job will be to look good on someone’s arm, you will be there as I candy to most of them and nothing more.”

“Okay thanks, that’s good to know.”

“Just be yourself and take it from there, in the end it comes down to how you are and behave around others.”

“You make it all sound so easy.”

“We only manage to hire a few people at a time, I guess on top of behaviour looks play an important part too.”

“Great I’m nothing special, just your average guy I guess…”

“Well that part lies totally with Nick; he only has to look at someone once to know if their looks are good enough.”

“Ha, so no pressure then when I meet him.”

“I’m sure you’ll do okay, oh can I just take your name before I forget.”

“Yeah it’s Alex Krycek.”

“Okay Alex stay positive and we’ll see you soon.”

I finally thanked her and hung up, now I would need plenty of coffee and a long shower. I guess I’d become rather lazy, it wasn’t like I’d really bothered with myself at all. Well the shower was relaxing, and I didn’t want to get out, however I had things to do.

I had no idea what I was expected to wear for the interview, the only new stuff I owned were jeans and tee shirts. Another fuckin reminder of Mulder, how I thought he’d bought them because he cared.

God I’d really have to get over all this Mulder shit, that or I’d drive myself insane. I knew I wouldn’t be able to work if he was always on my mind, I was well aware that the client was the important one.

The consortium had taught me many things in the past, I guess some of that training might help me get the job. Well unless this Nick person wasn’t happy with my looks, I knew I was far from perfect.

Well I was still alive and had to move on, I would go there and give it my best shot. Finally dressed, I took a good long look at myself in the mirror. Well I guess I didn’t scrub up too bad, also I believed I looked reasonably okay in the casual clothes too.

I would have to keep what money I had left in case I needed a suit, however first I’d have to see if I got the job. The longest part had been the shaving, no one would have recognized me with the beard I had.

I guess getting drunk had become far more important than anything else, well working would now have to be my top priority. Well that was if I wanted a roof over my head.

England didn’t have the best weather as it was, so I didn’t want to find myself on a park bench come winter. I finally decided I was ready and locked up, a bus ride later and I was on Oxford street.

The place just looked like a regular small house; however I noticed the intercom and video surveillance. I pressed the buzzer and waited, after a few minutes the door automatically opened in front of me.

Straight in front of me was a flight of stairs, the door had locked behind me so the only way to go was up. I just took the stairs two at a time, I wanted this over with as fast as possible. I hated been the centre of attention, yet I knew this Nick would be watching my every move.

Once at the top of the stairs I opened another door, there in front of me stood a man waiting for me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d gone home that night and felt like scum, I knew what I’d done would destroy Alex. The man was in no fit state of mind to be rejected like that, yet it had been the only thing I could do to keep him safe.

Deep down I had to accept that Alex was a survivor and always would be. I guess I’d been the same, the instinct to survive kicks in and takes priority. So over the coming weeks that’s what I’d done, carried on with life despite how I felt.

Even so, I still had days and nights where I couldn’t cope, those were the days that I turned to alcohol. I’d never been a big drinker so it didn’t take much, all I wanted was to be left alone, to have time where I could switch off.

Now though, I was sat here once more thinking about Alex, wondering where he was and what he was doing. I wanted him to move on and have a life, yet the thought of him hating me tore me apart.

In some ways, I’d swear we were destined to be together. No matter what, we always ended up back in each other’s life. Well that was until that cancerous bastard had other ideas, the selfish bastard that he was.

God I just wanted Alex here with me right now, I guess I wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything was okay. It had felt so good having the man in my arms, that short time with him meant more than any other relationship I’d ever had.

There was a bond between us and always had been, something different, yet I couldn’t quiet put my finger on it. Okay the obvious been that he was a man, but it went to a far deeper level than that.

I knew that I was becoming drunk now, however my biggest problem was the depression. I knew it was becoming worse as the night wore on, yet I just carried on drinking.

I’d made Alex hate me, god how I wish that I could have done it all different. I knew what Alex was like, if he knew the truth he’d come back, then he’d wind up dead and I’d still be alone.

It wasn’t just Spender; it was also the likes of Luis and all the other goons that worked for him. It was strange when I really thought about things, the only one that seemed interested in Alex was Spender.

Not that any of it mattered anymore, as I could never be with Alex, and I’d have to accept everything for what it was. The trouble was, it was far easier said than done.

Without even thinking about it, my hand started to work its way into my pants. Well why the hell shouldn’t I, as I was hard just from thinking about the man. I soon started working up a rhythm, I just imagined that it was his hand that held me and gave me pleasure.

After so long it changed, now I imagined that it was his gorgeous mouth. Alex would give me ultimate pleasure, shit no one could deny that he was as sexy as hell.

God at this rate I’d be coming in my pants, maybe it would be easier if I pulled my erection fully out before that happened. I knew it wouldn’t take long to come, hell I had so many fantasies from over the years with regards to Alex and his body.

I dreamt of having him naked and cuffed to my bed, to have the man there at my mercy. I’d be able to do whatever I wanted to him, first though I’d tease the hell out of him. Suck and play with his nipples until they became rock hard, then afterwards I’d swallow his cock whole.

I’d have him there thrashing around on the bed and screaming, he would be begging me for release. I would have other ideas though; I’d wait until he was about to come before pulling away.

After that my next job would be to start on his balls, sucking them into my mouth one by one. Alex would behave like a wanton slut, he’d beg like he’d never begged before, he’d also be beside himself with the need to come.

Not that I’d be ready to let that happen just yet, I had other things that I planned to do with his gorgeous body first. I wanted to taste him one more time before he came, afterwards maybe then I’d fuck him hard.

I’d bend forward and part his ass cheeks, then I’d run my tongue over that tight little hole until he was desperate. Then after so long I’d make my move, I’d suddenly push my tongue deep inside him forcing him to come.

Within seconds I came all over my own hand, however instead of relief I felt like total filth. The depression really started to kick in now, I had to force myself to move and clean up.

Once done I returned to the couch and the bottle of vodka, I then started drinking once more. The distraction had kept me busy for a few minutes, however now it was back to reality. The fact I were alone and always would be, I knew I’d never love anyone like that again.

I hated Spender and the pain he’d caused everyone, especially what he’d done to the man I love. I suppose at least I still had Scully and the gunmen, unlike Alex who had no one at all.

Hell Alex wasn’t even in the same country anymore, to top it off he’d already suffered so much in life. There had to be a way to make the likes of Spender pay, he always hurt people and just walked away from the aftermath.

Then there was that bastard Luis, one way or another I’d find a way to take him out for good. The bastard had hurt Alex so much, then he’d just left him to die afterwards.

Shit now the tears flowed and I couldn’t stop them, to top it off I suddenly felt really sick too. I jumped up fast and rushed to the bathroom, I only just made it before I threw up the entire contents of my stomach.

Finally my stomach eased up, I then wiped my mouth on the back of my hand. I sat against the wall and wanted it all to end, if this were living, I’d rather be dead. I was numb inside and couldn’t even be bothered to move anymore.

I had no idea how long I sat here, however after some time I went into the kitchen. I grabbed another full bottle of vodka, I then once again returned to my spot on the couch.

XXXXXXXXXX

It turned out that the man was tall and rather good looking, he had black hair and a great smile too, hell maybe I might be able to do this after all.

“Hi, I’m Nick, you must be Alex.”

“Yeah I am.”

I took his outstretched hand and shook it, he then put his arm around my shoulders and led me to a chair.

“Please have a seat and we can talk.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Well, I can see that you don’t have a problem in the looks department. Believe me I’m good at judging people too.”

“Yeah whatever, I did tell the receptionist that my looks were average.”

“Alex you are very good looking, don’t pull yourself down.”

“Habit I guess.”

“Confidence is the key, look we’ll put you in a suit and see how you look then. After that we will take some photos to show future clients, then we take you into a social situation to see how well you can cope.”

“Yeah okay, that all sounds good.”

“Right come this way Alex.”

I was led into a different room, Nick then handed me a black dress suit.

“Can you change into this for the photos, we’ll have a better one made for you if you get the job.”

Someone showed me the way to a small changing room, I was to change and look presentable before returning to Nick. The suit felt reasonably okay, so I guessed it would do for a photo shoot.

I looked into the mirror; shit I swear I saw different to the rest of the world. Maybe it was because I knew the real me, also what I was inside. Then there was what I’d done to so many people, maybe I should just leave and forget this?

Great way to think idiot, I wouldn’t get a job if I broke down and acted pathetic. I had no idea how long I stood here, however I heard someone call to ask if I were ready.

I prepared myself mentally and took some deep breaths, finally I was as ready as I would be. I walked out of the changing room, shit I practically walked into Nick as he was waiting for me.

“Wow, don’t you scrub up nice. Hey, smile for me and this job could be yours sweetie.”

I knew that I had to remain calm, my new motto in life was not to hurt anyone. Ha all because Mulder wouldn’t approve, also it wasn’t like this man was hurting me intentionally or anything.

I’d gathered straight away that Nick was gay, I guess it was just his way of being friendly. In the end I had numerous photos taken, some I was sat and others I had to stand and smile. It felt totally alien to me, I guess smiling wasn’t something I did a lot of.

Now I had to stand while someone measured me, apparently the suit would be made to fully fit. I just felt so lost and out of place, yet I managed to keep a straight face.

The man said that he was done, however it was Nick that had to give it the final say. Well it was obvious that he was the boss, it looked like he had the final say in everything around here.

Nick ran his fingers along the inside of the collar, shit he even managed to trail them along my throat and I my breathing accelerated. I’d broke men’s fingers for far less than this, yet I accepted it because it made me feel human and wanted.

Then suddenly Nick moved away from me, I heard him discussing something with the tailor before returning. Shit at this rate I’d stop breathing if he came any closer.

“The shirt needs to be slacker at the neck, also the pants could do with slacking up a bit too. You’re a man Alex, I’m sure you’d like some room to breathe in them?”

“Shit, yeah I think I do too…”

The bastard knew exactly what he was doing to me, he’d even deliberately brushed his hand against my groin. I had to admit the man was good though, he managed to make it look so natural in front of the tailor.

“Right jump down Alex, you can go and change back into your own clothes now.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Just put the suit back on the hanger, someone will collect it once you finish in there.”

“Yeah okay, oh and thanks for all of this.”

“Oh believe me, the pleasure is all mine Alex, by the way can I just ask you one more question. It’s work related and it has to go in the file?”

Suddenly I felt really nervous, I just hoped I hadn’t done something wrong.

“Hey, don’t look so worried Alex, I just want to know if you’re okay with men too. It’s just with your looks, there will be interest from both parties.”

“Yeah whatever as I’m gay anyway, also it’s not like I’m sleeping with them or anything.”

“No not them I assure you, however I have big plans for you.”

I never caught the last thing he’d said, I was already entering the changing room, I had to admit it was good to be back in my own clothes too. I ‘d always preferred my leather jacket and jeans; I hadn’t worn a suit since my FBI days.

Now I’d just have to pray that I got the job, well it was that or the streets, I guess. Nick was waiting for me as soon as I walked out, well maybe everything might be alright as he was smiling at me.

“Just one final part left Alex, this part is just as important too. Looks are good and help, however you also need charm and confidence. Get through this and the job will be yours, so smile okay.”

“Yeah okay, so what is it that I have to do now?”

“There’s a party, you get to be the escort, then we can see what talents you have hidden. Just remember what I told you before, plenty of smiles and be on your best behaviour.”

“Do you want me to get changed again?”

“No it’s casual, also you look good in the jeans too. They seem to fit you well in all the right places, maybe we should take some more photos later in casual wear…”

Shit the man was a total charmer, also it was having an effect on my body too. Maybe my jeans wouldn’t feel as tight when I left, it didn’t help when he put his hand on my backside.

“Yeah whatever, do I get to meet the person I’ll be escorting?”

“You already have, tonight you’ll be my escort Alex. You see it’s the perfect way to get to know you inside and out, I get to see what you’ve got first hand.”

Fuck I really didn’t know if I could handle this, the man was just so forward to say the least. Maybe I was just scared that I wanted more from him, I guess the attention was nice and I felt lonely right now. I couldn’t dwell on Mulder or I’d fall apart, yet for some reason this felt like betrayal.

XXXXXXXXXX

It had already been a few weeks since Alex had left, yet I was still pissed off and fed up with everything. I still missed Alex more than anything, just to top it all off, Spender still had Luis following me and watching my every move.

I despised Luis as much as Spender, the man always gave me the creeps and I hated that he was always behind me. Luis was always making comments about what he’d do to me, then he’d make it worse by telling me what he did to Alex.

Right now though I had a case out of town, well it was the middle of nowhere if I were to be honest. People had claimed to see bright flashing lights in the sky, others claimed they saw a UFO. Nothing fit and I believed it was a wild goose chase, however Skinner had said I had to go.

At first, I thought that I’d have Scully for company on the drive. Skinner had other ideas though, apparently, she was needed to do an autopsy as no one else was available. So here I was driving on my own, well I guess that was the story of my life.

Okay maybe that was somewhat of a lie, I was in the car alone, however I wasn’t on the road alone. The same car had been following me since I left work, well enough was enough, I was well and truly sick of Spenders men now.

I put my food down and drove a few more miles, sure enough the car followed and even pulled over when I did. I sat there in my car and would see what happened, however after five minutes no one had got out of the other car.

Fine, I’d make the first move if that’s what it took. At the end of the day I was a grown man, oh and a federal agent too. I was damn sure I wasn’t going to let the likes of Spender intimidate me, or the goons that worked for him.

I got out of my car and slammed the door shut behind me, I then pulled out my gun as I walked towards the other car. It turned out the car door opened before I reached it, Luis stepped out and calmly lent against his own car.

The bastard had one hell of a smug grin and it pissed me off, hell the man in general pissed me off as it was. Oh how I’d love to wipe that grin right off his face, however I knew I’d have to remain calm for now.

“It’s good to see you Agent Mulder.”

“Go to hell Luis, I’m getting sick of you following me around all the time.”

“Hey, I already told you before, I’m just doing my job Agent Mulder.”

“Like hell you are, you call what you do for that cancerous bastard work!”

“Maybe I just like the view, everyone needs something to fuel their fantasies Agent Mulder.”

“Fuck off and find someone else then, that or I’ll put a bullet in you!”

“You haven’t got it in you, however I’ve something I’d love to put in you Agent Mulder.”

“Fuck you!!!!”

Right I’d had enough of this creep now, I aimed my gun and shot two of his tyres out.

“Try following me now you sick bastard…”

Shit Luis moved fast and knocked the gun from my hand, then within seconds he picked it up and aimed it at me.

“You really know how to try my patience Agent Mulder; well it looks like you’ll be playing my games now.”

“Fuck off and go to hell…”

“Oh it’s going to be hell Agent Mulder; however it won’t be my hell.”

“You’ll pay for this, also what you did to Alex too.”

“Don’t kid yourself, look just strip and I might let you live afterwards.”

“Fuck you…”

“No, I’ll be the one fucking you Agent Mulder, let’s just call it compensation shall we. You owe me for the tyres and the inconvenience.”

“If I’m an inconvenience let me go.”

“I never said you were a bad inconvenience, did I?”

With that he aimed and fired off two bullets, both literally just missed hitting my foot.

“Last chance Agent Mulder.”

“Fine I’ll do it, just don’t shoot at me again.”

I started to unfasten my jacket first, I then slowly let it fall onto the ground. I wasn’t in a hurry to do this so took my time, well at least my shirt had plenty of buttons so I could drag it out.

“Come on Agent Mulder speed it up a bit, hell I can’t wait to fuck that tight ass of yours.”

“Shut the fuck up, I really don’t want to hear you talk about it.”

“We could always talk about Alex instead…”

“Just shut up, hell I’m doing as you asked.”

“Yeah well do it faster then.”

Suddenly he came up behind me and grabbed the shirt, within seconds he’d ripped it off me. Shit I could feel him as he breathed down my neck, then he grabbed my backside tight. I never felt so relieved when he moved away, despite it was only a few steps.

“Now the rest, make it fast this time or I’ll cut it off you.”

I pulled off my tee shirt and threw it on the pile, shit it was then that Luis came up to me once more. I wanted to throw up as he ran his hand down my chest, then the bastard started playing with one of my nipples.

“Now the trousers Agent Mulder, I just want to fuck that tight virgin ass off yours. I could take some notes, see if your as tight and sweet as Alex was when I fucked him.”

I kept my calm and unfastened my pants, I then bent forward to remove my shoes. However I wasn’t prepared to go down without a fight, if Luis was smart he’d haver fully searched me.

Within seconds I freed the gun from my ankle holster, I then shoved it into the bastards’ stomach and fired twice.

“Die you lousy piece of fuckin shit, that’s one for me and one for Alex.”

With that I bent down and retrieved my own gun, I then grabbed all my clothes and returned to my own car. I didn’t want to be anywhere near the man, all I wanted was to dress and get the hell away from here. Fuck Skinner and fuck everyone, I decided to turn my car around and head back home.

There was no way I could work in this state, also I’d have to work out what I’d say to Skinner. Deep down I was pleased that I’d shot him, Luis deserved it for what he’d done to Alex alone.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well it looked like the escort business paid well, or maybe it was just the fact Nick was the boss. We’d walked to the car park where his car awaited. I got into the top of the range sports car and instantly felt lost, I guess I were a nobody and this felt wrong.

“Alex…”

“What?”

“Look at me please.”

Shit I felt compelled to look at him, he made me feel so special right now and not alone.

“Alex just relax, and you’ll be okay. We have a few drinks and say hello, then afterwards we’ll blend into the background.”

“Yeah I’m sure I’ll be okay once I’m there, I guess it’s all happened so fast and I don’t deserve it.”

“Alex, I don’t bite, well unless you want me to that is. You can tell me if this gets too much for you, also never make out your worthless in front of me either.”

I tried my hardest not to blush like an idiot, despite it seemed like a losing battle.

“Okay I guess I should stop teasing you, I just can’t help it as you look so sexy when flustered. Okay enough, come on we’d better get moving.”

We pulled out into the traffic and made the journey in silence, finally we pulled up outside a rather posh looking house.

“Nick are you sure my clothes will be okay?”

“Their friends of mine so stop worrying, also you look as sexy as hell.”

I met so many of his friends and they all seemed okay, Nick made some comments about his plans for me. I never got the joke, however everyone else seemed to. I ended up following him around for a couple of hours, I smiled when expected and behaved myself.

I’d even stuck to water all night; I didn’t want to get drunk and embarrass myself. Finally we moved to a less populated area and I breathed once more, well that was until Nick put his arm around me and pulled me close.

“Come on Alex, lets get the hell out of here.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“We can go back to my office and discuss your new job, we best leave before I drink anymore and can’t drive.”

Part of me wanted to refuse, however I needed the job and liked the company too.

“Okay come on then.”

Nick handled the car rather well despite the alcohol he’d drank, even so I was still glad to arrive and get out of the car. Soon we were back in his office once more, however this time he pulled out the vodka and two glasses.

“Come on Alex drink with me, we need to celebrate.”

“What are we celebrating?”

“Your new job Alex, now all you have to do is wait for me to call. Hell with a face and body like yours it won’t be long, I bet you hear from me within a day or so.”

“That’s great, at least I’ll be able to pay the rent.”

A few vodkas later and I was really feeling it, to be honest I couldn’t remember when I last ate. Nick had sat at his desk and remained quiet, I started to wonder if I’d been imaging all his passes towards me.

I sat on the couch and closed my eyes; the drink was good and rather relaxing. Nick moved over to the couch and finally spoke, even so his question took me by surprise. To make matters worse, I was feeling rather horny and just wanted human contact.

“So Alex are you single?”

“Yeah why?”

“How about some hot and hard sex without any strings attached…”

I never even had chance to answer, Nick lent over me on the couch and kissed me. Shit then he forced his tongue deep inside my mouth, I knew by that point there was no going back, and I was gone.

Meanwhile Nick was busy and moving fast, his hand had found my zip of my jeans and was opening it, then he had his hand inside and wrapped tight around my erection.

It had been that long, and it felt really good, hell I didn’t think I’d last long at this rate. I was getting really turned on now, however it was right at that moment that he pulled his hand back out.

“Nick please…”

“All in good time Alex, don’t worry though as I plan to fuck you senseless. Your way to hot to just jerk you off, when you come, I’ll be buried deep inside you.”

“God, I need you now.”

“Alex listen to me; I plan to make this really good for you. I want to know if you have any sexual fantasies, come on there must have been someone special once?”

“Yeah once, he’s an FBI agent.”

“So how come you ended up here then?”

“Long story, also you said sex without strings…”

“Fine, it was wrong of me to ask you about your past, however you must have had at least one fantasy?”

“I was his partner and was an agent myself, I guess it was just your usual office fantasy. You know the type, where he’d be there fucking me over his desk.”

“How come you never acted it out then?”

“He didn’t know I was in love with him back then, things change and sometimes we fuck up.”

Great, I could feel the tears as they rolled down my cheeks. Suddenly Nick was there kissing them away, then he suddenly pulled me up onto my feet.

“Hey, we won’t have any of that tonight, just undress Alex and you can even pretend I’m him if it’s what you want…”

“I’m okay knowing it’s you, right now I need it to be anyone but him.”

I kicked off my shoes and jeans, I then removed my underwear and just stood there. I watched as Nick started removing his own clothes revealing his rather fit body, he then went over to the desk and shoved everything on the floor.

“Come over here now Alex.”

I walked over towards the desk where he waited, to be honest I was thankful for the couple of drinks I’d had.

“So Alex, how do you want this? Do you want it easy or hard?”

“I need it hard and rough; I want you to be in charge and make me feel it.”

“As you wish lover.”

Shit with that Nick shoved me hard over his desk, he then kicked my legs wide apart too. Well I did say I wanted it rough, so rough was what I was getting. Nick was far from gentle, also he wasted no time as he forced two fingers deep inside me. However that only lasted a few seconds as he replaced them, I did start to move away when he forced his erection inside me.

“Not so fast Alex, believe me I’ve only just got started.”

Suddenly my arm was bent behind my back, I’d now have to remain still or risk breaking it. However once the pain turned to pleasure, I forgot all about it, my poor abandoned cock was my main concern now.

Every time he slammed into me, I was forced against the desk, well I knew I wouldn’t last long at this rate. Finally my body gave in and I could take no more, it was at that moment I came all over his desk.

I knew by the time Nick came I was a wreck and my legs were like jelly, however Nick pulled me up and held me in his arms.

“I’ll look forward to working with you Alex.”

Great so much for the one off, no strings attached deal. Well I guess it would only ever be sex, I only loved one man. I guess it was a shame it had only been one way, well it just proved what a fucked up idiot I was.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d gone home that day and decided to keep my mouth shut, I’d not mention the death of Luis unless someone else did first. Two weeks had gone by and I’d heard nothing at all, also I hadn’t noticed anyone following me around anymore. Knowing Spender it would just be a trap, make me feel safe so I’d try contacting Alex.

I wasn’t stupid and had no intention of contacting Alex, I didn’t want Alex dead because I fucked up, hell I didn’t want the man dead at all.

Spender had shown up at the Hoover a couple of times, however he’d never been within talking distance. Sometimes I wish he had been, I guess I just wanted to see if he said anything with regards to Luis or Alex.

Well, I should have known my time would come sooner or later. Spender never could just walk past, he always had to have his say with regards to everything. I’d actually was on my way to the garage for my car, I’d just got out of the lift and there he was.

The man was always lurking around in the shadows, I wouldn’t have even noticed him if he hadn’t spoken. God and how I hated that man’s voice, he literally made my skin crawl.

“Agent Mulder…”

“God, and just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse.”

“I just wanted to update you on the situation.”

“What situation, what the hell are you talking about Spender?”

“The mess that you left behind, I thought you’d like to know we cleaned it up for you.”

“My mess, fuck you Spender as Luis was your mess and not mine.”

“Yes well you have a habit of taking what’s mine Agent Mulder.”

“Whatever…”

“First you took Alex from me, then you went and took Luis from me too.”

“Maybe you should have just let Alex go then, it would have made no difference to you or the consortium.”

“It would have made a difference to me, as for the consortium, well they wouldn’t have cared if Alex had walked.”

“So you’re the selfish bastard that wouldn’t let him go!”

“Alex was mine; he was also destined to work for me right from the start.”

“How the hell do you figure that out?”

“His parents worked for me before Alex was even born, he was then brought up by the organization. Don’t you see what that means Agent Mulder, or what Alex was meant to be?”

“No I don’t see; you can’t make him stay if he doesn’t want that life.”

“Alex was destined to work for me and be one, you see one day he was to be my successor.”

“Oh shit you expected Alex to be like you, so he rebels, and you have him buried alive!”

“Yes well someone had other ideas and dug him up, nobody walks away from me alive Agent Mulder.”

“You’re a right piece of work, you tried to kill Alex because you didn’t get your own way.”

“Sometimes that’s how people learn, it sends a powerful message to the rest. Cross me and that’s what happens, Luis knew his place and would have done far better than Alex ever could.”

“So this has nothing to do with the consortium at all, it was just your personal vendetta against Alex?”

“Yes and it isn’t over yet, I will find him Agent Mulder mark my words.”

“Alex has long gone; believe me you’ll never get your claws into him again.”

“Alex won’t stay away forever; I can promise you that. You’re his weakness, he could never keep away from you either.”

“You know nothing at all, hell especially if you think he’ll come back to America. Alex would rather die than be back under your thumb, that or he’d kill you first.”

“If Alex refuses, he’ll be dead within seconds, to be honest I think death is all he deserves now.”

“Yeah well, you’ll have to find him first.”

“You underestimate me Agent Mulder, I have contacts all over the world who’ll do anything I ask of them.”

“God you’re nothing more than a pathetic old man, also Luis deserved everything he got for what he did to me and Alex.”

“Alex, I understand, however all Luis did was follow you around. I bet you only killed him because of Alex, was it revenge for your lover?”

“The bastard paid for Alex, he also paid for trying to rape me too…”

Oh the look of shock on his face was priceless, I take it that Spender knew nothing about Luis and the games he played. Thank fuck I’d taken him out while I had the chance, I just wish I could take Spender out the same way.

“Maybe you should keep your goons on a shorter leash, god and you believe you’re the one in control.”

“Luis would never have carried it through.”

“Whatever, Look I have work to do and places to go.”

“Fine, however I’ll be checking up on you from time to time.”

“You don’t scare me Spender.”

“Oh and give my best to Alex, tell him I can’t wait to see him soon. It must be hard when you no longer have an owner, every pet rat deserves to have someone don’t you think.”

Shit my blood ran cold, the jibe about the pet rat and owner. That meant Spender must know about the email Alex sent to the gunmen, now I’d have to check with them and make sure Spender couldn’t trace it.

I got into my car and drove off, I had far more important things to worry about than Spender.

XXXXXXXXXX

Another six months had passed since I started my job, I had plenty of offers in that time, however I kept it to just a few times a week.

Money wasn’t a problem at all anymore, however loneliness was. I still drank on my days off, I used it as a way to try and forget what I’d left behind. I’d been here for over eight months now and I still missed Fox, funny as I spent every working day around people.

I pulled out the note I’d kept from him, It’s never goodbye it’s just till next time. Yeah right, I knew there never would be a next time now.

I knew I was just feeling sorry for myself, hell I guess that was the story of my life. Well I was thankful for one thing, today was my day off. I planned to stay in bed all day and get drunk, no change there then.

I managed to have a couple of mouthfuls of vodka before my phone rang, great only Nick had this number and that would mean one thing, he wanted me to work today.

At first, I contemplated not answering it, maybe I could bullshit him and pretend I was ill. I counted to five slowly and grabbed the phone, I then pressed it to my ear and answered it.

“What do you want Nick?”

“Good morning to you too cutie.”

“Nick I’m really not in the mood right now, so just spit it out…”

“I need you to work today.”

“Fuck that, you know that it’s my day off Nick.”

“Look I have a client that wants you and only you, they said you were perfect and just what they were looking for.”

“Great I must be a fuckin idiot, so what do I get out of it anyway?”

“I’ll give you a bonus, plus we can do something at the weekend.”

“Fine you have a deal; just give me a couple of hours and I’ll be there.”

“Thanks for this Alex, I really do appreciate it.”

“Yeah well you owe me, it had damn well better be a good weekend.”

“I promise it will be the best, we can stay in bed all day and I’ll fuck you senseless.”

“Yeah make sure you do then.”

With that I hung up, I’d slept with Nick a handful of times in the past six months. It was just sex and a bit of fun; it was that or I’d go totally insane. It wasn’t love or anything like that, I guess it was the times when the depression hit that he was there for me.

I hardly had anyone to talk to as it is, in reality I was just eye candy to most of them. My guess was tonight wouldn’t be any different, at least I’d never been tempted to go home with any of them.

I loved Fox and he was gorgeous, none of my clients had ever come close in all the time I’ve been an escort. Well I knew that I couldn’t just lay here, that was the past and I had a job to go do. At least I’d have the weekend off when this was over, I’d also make a point of reminding Nick too.

I finally moved and arrived at work two hours later as promised, the only thing I missed while working, was my gun. To compensate I carried a small knife hidden in my shirt sleeve, not that I’d ever had any problems. I guess Nick was right, they really did only work with the best customers.

Most were rich women who were single, or who had husbands that were working away. Well at least none of them had tried anything. I was gay and didn’t mind female company, however that was as far as it went.

Apparently, the customer tonight was a man, it was nothing new as I’d had a couple of men in the past. I guess I just felt a bit more wary when they were male, maybe it had something to do with my past and how I’d been used.

Well not to worry, I went to the address and found a huge mansion. It turned out that the party was some charity do or another, everyone there wore suits or tuxedos.

I gave my name and was told to wait, finally after a few minutes someone came. Shit the man was tall and really good looking, in all honesty he looked like Mulder.

That thought made me feel far more nervous than ever before, I’d just have to hope he didn’t notice.

“You must be Alex…”

“Yeah I am.”

“Well I’m Brent, it’s nice to meet you. Hey, are you okay, you just seemed a bit nervous?”

“I’m fine, you just reminded me of someone that’s all.”

“Not in a bad way I hope.”

“No, he was someone I worked with once.”

“Come on we’ll get a drink and join the party.”

We spent the evening drinking, despite I said I’d never drink while working. Brent was rather interesting, and we hit it off straight away, I guess I didn’t want the evening to end. It had been a while since I’d had someone to talk with and I liked it.

I guess this was how Cinderella must have felt at the ball, I didn’t want it to end and have to go home alone.

“Come on Alex let’s get some fresh air, it’s either me or it’s hot in here.”

“Fresh air sounds good, I’ll be glad when I can get out of this suit too.”

“That sounds like a good idea, maybe I’d like it if you were out of that suit too.”

Brent led me to the corner where there was a bench, I also noticed it was discreet and out of sight from most people too. It was at that moment that he started kissing me, I was drunk and couldn’t help but kiss him back. Well it was easy, it felt like I was still with Mulder at times.

Shit why did I have to feel like such a slut, yet my brain was screaming at me to carry on. However things were going rather fast and I couldn’t stop it, it wasn’t long before he had his hands down my pants.

I was so turned on and wanted to go farther, yet something felt wrong. I realized it was because of where we were, I couldn’t do this here in public. I could hear people close by talking and laughing, also I wasn’t exactly the quietest when it came to sex.

“Brent stop, shit I can’t do this here.”

“How about we go to my place then Alex, I live on my own so no one will bother us. We can spend the whole night having fun, come on what do you say?”

Well I knew it was now or never, I had no idea why I was stalling as it was far too late for that.

“Yeah okay let’s go.”

“I promise that you won’t regret this Alex, believe me I’ll make it good for you. Just give me a minute and I’ll call my driver; he can meet us around front with the limo.”

I watched as the black limousine came to a stop, Brent then spun me around to face him. He then started kissing me as his driver opened the rear door, the next thing I knew I was falling onto the rear seat.

Brent never got in; he just slammed the car door shut on me. I managed to get myself together and pull myself up, there sat opposite was Spender.

The whole fuckin thing had been a set up from the start, now I knew why the client had looked so much like Fox. Spender knew about us, also it was the perfect way to lure me in.

XXXXXXXXXX

The weather was really hot and I was extremely tired, to be honest I was glad to be back in my office.

“Mulder, you’re doing it again!”

“Sorry, what did you say Scully?”

“I said that there’s a file for you to read, I thought you might find it interesting and worth giving a read.”

“Hold on Scully, it’ll be here under all this crap.”

I moved a few things around on my desk, it was then that I found the file in question.

“Hmm crop circles in England, thanks for this Scully I’ll look at it later on.”

“Mulder make sure you really look at it, that or consider something else.”

“Why, I don’t understand what the big deal is?”

“Mulder there’s another reason I’m showing you it, I thought you might want to take a trip. Maybe go to England, that way you could visit some of them yourself.”

“Spill it Scully, come on as I know there’s something you’re not telling me…”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about Mulder.”

“Either you’re trying to get rid of me, that or you want us to go away together!”

“It’s not me, it’s Skinner.”

“What Skinner wants to go away with me, is there something he’s not telling us?”

“Look, he wants you to take some time off Mulder.”

“What the hell for, it’s been months since Alex and I’m still doing my job.”

“You’ll have to take it up with Skinner, just don’t take it out on me Mulder, I’m just the messenger.”

“I’m sorry Scully, well I might as well get this over and done with.”

I made my way to Skinners office and was far from happy, I just couldn’t understand why now of all times. Alex had been gone over eight months now so he couldn’t blame him, also I’d worked through it all anyway.

I sat outside his office thinking about everything, also how refreshing the lack of smoke was. I hadn’t seen Spender for a couple of weeks now, maybe he’d finally got bored with me.

I sat there another ten minutes, finally Skinner called me into his office. I walked in and tried to keep my anger in check, I’d see what he had to say before anything else.

“Take a seat Agent Mulder, so what can I do for you?”

“According to Scully, you want me to take some time off. Has this got anything to do with Alex Krycek at all Sir?”

“Why would you think that Agent Mulder, I’ve not heard anything from Alex Krycek or Spender for a while now.”

“I guess it was the only reason I could think of.”

“Maybe you should stop jumping to conclusions, as this order comes from way higher up than me.”

“Fine okay, so do you know if there’s a reason for it at all Sir?”

“Agent Mulder it’s mandatory, you hardly ever take any time off, and it’s me that that has to suffer if I don’t make you. Look it only has to be a couple of weeks or so, go somewhere and just relax Agent Mulder.”

“Well it doesn’t look like I have a choice does it Sir…”

“No I’m afraid you don’t Agent Mulder.”

“Scully mentioned some crop sightings in England, maybe I could go there and check them out.”

“There you go, that would be a great idea Agent Mulder. Well as long as you do it as a tourist and nothing more.”

“What’s that supposed to mean Sir?”

“We have no jurisdiction in England, so don’t use your badge to get what you want…”

“Would I do that Sir?”

“Yes you would Agent Mulder.”

“I’m offended Sir…”

“Right, you can take two weeks effective immediately, go pack your bags Mulder as it’ll do you some good.”

“Thank you Sir.”

I went back to my office and picked up the leaflet, I then sat behind my desk just as Scully walked in.

“So, how did it go Mulder?”

“Apparently, it’s mandatory, I guess they think I’ll be more efficient if I have a break. I have to take two weeks off, effective immediately.”

“So how come your still here then?”

“I thought I might book a plane ticket before I left, maybe take a trip to England and check out some crop circles.”

“Good for you Mulder, just don’t be getting into any trouble or anything.”

“Why does everyone think I’ll get into trouble, first Skinner and now you.”

“I wonder Mulder, have you got any other plans while there or is that it?”

“Well I’ll check out the crop circles first, then I have other plans. I’ll return to London, I thought that I might visit a few old friends while I’m there.”

“You have friends out there Mulder…”

“Hey, I’m offended Scully, I do have a few friends.”

“I guess it’s the fact that you never mention them that’s all, I guess it’s not a place you go to really.”

“Most of them are from my days back in Oxford, to be honest I haven’t seen them for over twenty years. For all I know they might all live elsewhere, that or have families of their own now.”

“Well I’m sure it’s worth a try while your out there, you need this break Mulder. The last few months have been rough on you, especially with Alex and Spender.”

“Yeah tell me about it, I’ll be okay as long as I don’t run in to Phoebe Green.”

“Yes I remember her Mulder, well I guess she ‘s a little hard to forget.”

“Yeah well I was the idiot that went out with her.”

“At least that was a few years ago Mulder.”

“Well I’ve booked the tickets now for tomorrow morning, I guess there’s no going back now. Well I’d better get myself home now, pack some stuff and get ready.”

“Yes well, just remember your not eighteen anymore Mulder.”

God Scully had a good point; I couldn’t handle my drink like that anymore. Also some people were better off forgotten, or more so some of the things I got up to while there.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was a fuckin idiot; I’d only just gone and fallen for the oldest trick in the book. I really couldn’t believe this was happening to me now, I honestly thought Id escaped him this time. The bastard was my past, no way did I want to deal with him now or ever.

“What’s the matter Alex, you don’t look to happy to see me.”

“Go to hell Spender.”

“I just wanted to make sure you had a pleasant evening with my driver…”

“Fuck you, I swear that I’ll kill you if you don’t let me go.”

“You don’t scare me Alex, also my driver has been ordered to kill you should you leave the car without me.”

“Maybe I don’t give a fuck anymore, I could take you out first though.”

“Big words Alex, however Mulder was always your weakness. Even Mulder didn’t want you in the end, did he? Look at you, you were so desperate you’d have made do with a substitute.”

“You know nothing about me old man, also this is between me and you, so you can just leave Mulder out of it.”

“Is it though Alex, how do you think we found you?”

“Mulder wouldn’t tell you anything, he hates you far more than he hates me.”

“Your loyalties are so misled dear boy, did you or did you not, send an email to Mulder?”

“I haven’t seen Mulder in ages…”

“Just answer the question Alex, now.”

“I’ve never sent an email to Mulder.”

“I see nothing changes does it Alex, once a liar always a liar. Let me see what was it? One pet rat, does that ring any bells?”

Shit I felt physically sick at the thought, did Mulder really hate me that much. Hell, hate me enough to hand me over to Spender? No I wouldn’t let myself believe his lies, if Mulder wanted me dead, he’d have left me buried.

“What does any of it matter anymore, you won’t let me walk away alive anyway.”

“No Alex I won’t, you betrayed me and the consortium for Mulder. Your love and commitment to him was rather pathetic, to say the least. Do you know what’s even more sad Alex, you’ll die a painful death because you were easy led?”

Spender tapped on the glass to get the drivers attention; it was at that point the car started moving.

“Nothing to say for yourself dear boy, that’s so unlike you Alex. Oh well never mind, I thought we could take a business somewhere more private.”

“Maybe it’s worth taking you out with me then, that way they’ll just put a bullet in me, and it will all be over.”

“Is that what you think Alex, touch me and the consortium will cause you far more pain.”

“Why do I highly doubt that Spender…”

“You could always work for me again, maybe on a more personal level this time?”

“Yeah right, in your fuckin dreams old man. I’d rather be dead than work for you or the consortium.”

“Think about what your parents would have wanted Alex.”

“My parents were nothing more than donors, believe me I’m nothing like them and never will be.”

“So much fight and potential, oh well what will be will be.”

Suddenly the car came to a stop and I knew this was it, especially when I saw Spenders hand and the gun in it. I knew I’d have to think fast, also every single second would count. I knew that my life was over now, I was dead no matter what.

I could just let them kill me, or I could take Spender out and then let them kill me. At least this way my death wouldn’t be for nothing, also it would be my final peace offering to Mulder.

“Kneel Alex, I want you on your knees begging before I kill you.”

I closed my eyes and slid down onto my knees, I was trying so hard to control my breathing, that or I’d have a fuckin panic attack. The car felt so warm inside, also my lungs were burning from all the smoke I’d breathed in.

All I had to do, was hold it together for a couple more minutes, soon his life would be over along with my own.

“That’s right, down on the floor where you belong Alex.”

I felt sick as I felt his hand upon my head, then to make it worse he started stroking my hair.

“You could have gone so far Alex; I had such high hopes for you. One day you could have had all this, have everyone beneath you. However it wasn’t good enough was it? Mulder always had to come first.”

“I’m sorry that I betrayed you in the end.”

“I know you are Alex, it’s such a shame that I still have to kill you though.”

While my head was bowed, I slid the knife out of my sleeve, the minute I had it in my hand I moved. The bastard hadn’t even seen it coming, I grabbed his wrist tight and forced him to drop the gun.

I kicked it under the seat out of his reach, I raised my arm and the car light reflected on the knife. I could tell by the look on Spenders face, he’d seen it and knew what was coming.

“Yeah, I’m sorry that I betrayed you at the end, my only wish is that I’d betrayed you the day I met you. I fuckin hate you and you destroyed my life, well you’ll never get to do it to anyone else.”

“Alex they will kill you if you kill me.”

“So be it, you ruined my life anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”

At that point something inside me snapped, I stabbed the man repeatedly and couldn’t control myself. Finally I was forced to stop as I ran out of energy, Spender lay there dead and covered in his own blood.

I myself was also covered in his blood; however I knew soon enough it would be mine too. I also knew it was time to face the consequences and meet my maker, I couldn’t stay in the car forever; however I knew Spenders driver would be there waiting to put a bullet in me.

Finally I took a couple of deep breaths and braced myself, hopefully it would be fast and I’d die straight away. I plucked up the courage and opened the car door, there stood the Englishman along with the driver.

“Get out of the car now Alex, also keep your hands where I can see them.”

“He had to die…”

“I know Alex, you did what you thought was right. Who knows, maybe it was for the best all around.”

The Englishman raised his arm and pointed the gun at me, then everything that followed happened within seconds. The Englishman put a bullet in the drivers’ head, he shoved him into the car with Spender. It was at that moment he faced me; I’d swear that time had frozen.

“Run Alex and never look back, make sure you don’t go back to the place you live or work either.”

“What I don’t understand?”

“To the consortium you’re nothing, nor are you a threat. It was Spender that had a vendetta with you, and that was only for his own personal reasons.”

“But…”

“Alex go now and make sure you run fast, that or I’ll change my mind.”

I started running and never looked back once, I also ran away from the car and never stopped until I was exhausted and could run no more.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well my trip to the crop circles filled in a couple of days, it turned out that there was nothing new out there that was interesting. So I decided to make the most of it and visit a museum, apparently, they had one in Wiltshire totally dedicated to crop circles.

Now though I was on my way back to London, a place I hadn’t visited in many years. At least I’d thought to book a hotel in advance, now I just wanted to get in my room and relax for a while.

England was either wet or muggy at this time of year, that was why I also wanted a shower and clean up. I’d managed to contact a couple of old friends from my past, so we decided to meet up over dinner and a few drinks.

The shower felt really good and I had to reflect on my situation, maybe a break would be good for me after all. The break had made me feel far better than I had in a long time, hell maybe this was why people took regular vacations.

I decided on casual wear as this was a holiday after all, also I did spend most of my life in a suit. It felt good to be in my jeans and a leather jacket. Okay maybe I’d have to think about something else, the thought of leather brought other memories back to the surface.

I met up with a couple of friends from my university days, Mike and Jack. I was in luck and Phoebe was away at the moment, as it happened she was in America. That was good, otherwise this could be awkward since Jack had shown up.

I’d dated Phoebe for a while when I was in Oxford, however I’d also done some things she knew nothing about. Jack was one of those said things, we’d had a fling and got together a few times. Jack had been my first sexual encounter with the same sex; however it didn’t last long as he’d moved away.

Jack claimed that he was in love with me ever since we met, however I refused to dump Phoebe for him. I was just hoping that Jack had married or something, hell the man couldn’t still be interested after all this time.

I’d swear my life was more fucked up than anyone else’s, we decided to meet at a bar first and Mike went to the bar. Jack had become really good looking over the years, however it was the looks he gave me that had me worried.

“So how’s life Jack, are you married or have any kids?”

“At the moment I’m single Mulder, however kids are not really an option.”

“Oh, how come?”

Shit I could have slapped myself, what a stupid fuckin question to ask him. However it had popped out of my mouth without even thinking, I guess he could have changed after so many years.

“Did you just think it was all a game at Oxford Fox? I’m gay as you very well know, also I’ve only ever truly loved one person.”

“Jack not tonight please, look I was young and really confused back then.”

“Fine I’ll be quiet when Mike comes back, but I do want some time with you later so we can talk.”

“Fine, we’ll have a good evening and then we’ll talk Jack if that’s what you want.?”

“You know what I really want, maybe later I’ll show you too.”

“I’ve already told you I’ve changed.”

“I guess time will tell Fox.”

I tried ignoring him and was thankful when Mike returned, the evening turned out to be really good and an eye opener. The food was good and the company even better, I was also drinking far more than I usually did. I knew I’d have to slow down though, especially as I still had to deal with Jack.

It felt good talking with old friends, ones from a time long before the FBI and the consortium. We moved on to yet another bar, the drinks flowed, and I felt really happy. Then someone came around the tables talking to people, they were also handing out leaflets.

Later Mike returned to the bar and Jack went off to the bathroom, as for me, I just sat here taking everything in. I became bored as I sat there waiting, picked up the leaflet that had been left. It was advertising some escort service, I had to admit that some of the men were rather good looking. Shit and then my whole world just turned upside down once more, there staring back at me was the gorgeous face of Alex.

It was at that moment that Jack returned, he then sat back down and grabbed his drink.

“Hey, are you okay Fox, you look like you’ve just seen a ghost or something?”

“Do you know where this escort agency is?”

“Why, shit are we not good enough company for you or something…”

“Jack please, look I’m serious, do you know where it is or not?”

“Yeah, it’s back in Oxford street, why anyway?”

“I need to go there.”

“Fox have you seen the time, hell no one will be there at this time of night.”

I realized that Jack was right, I’d have to sit on the information and wait until morning. It hurt to think that Alex could be out there with all those people, worse was what he might be doing with them.

“Fox talk to me.”

“Sorry I was miles away.”

“Yeah I noticed, what’s with the escort agency anyway?”

“I noticed and old friend in the flyer that’s all, it can wait until another day so don’t worry.”

“Well it looks like Mike finally found the bar, we can have a couple more here and then move on.”

“Yeah that sounds good.”

We did just that, the idea was to hit as many bars as possible before morning. At lest the bars were all packed, that meant it was harder to reach the bar and get a drink. I was pleased as I wanted to sober up a bit, at least the walk to the next bar might clear my head somewhat.

XXXXXXXXXX

I ran as fast as I could along the back streets, I couldn’t afford to have the police stop me, especially when I was covered in so much blood. I knew that the Englishman would cover up the mess I’d left behind, there would be no police involvement into his death.

I finally found an abandoned building, at least I could stop and get my breath back before moving on. Great now I’d have to decide what I did now, I couldn’t go back to the place I called home. I had pretty much just lost everything except for the clothes on my back, oh and also my life.

Great I knew people would look if I walked around like this, also I fuckin hated wearing suits at the best of times. I’d seen Nick set the alarm at work many times, I would go there for tonight at least.

If I set off now, I could stay there a few hours, clean up and leave before anyone even found out I’d been there. It was hard as I tried to avoid everyone, also I knew Oxford street would still be busy at night too.

I finally made my way there and got inside, I then had the alarm disabled within seconds. All I wanted was my own clothes that I’d left there earlier on, also I would be able to take a quick shower too.

All I wanted was to feel like myself once more, walking around covered in Spenders blood wasn’t my idea of fun. When I left all I had was one hundred pounds, oh and also my gun that had been inside my jacket. Even so I knew the money wouldn’t last more than a few days.

I’d have to look for some form of paid work, preferably where the consortium wouldn’t go. I knew Nick would try contacting me too, that was why I even had to get rid of my phone too.

It wasn’t hard and within a day I had work, it was only bar work, however at the end of the day I got paid. The hardest part was trying to find somewhere to live in this city, by no means was it a cheap place to live in.

I was having to rough it in old abandoned buildings, at least here I was free to go. The last time I was in an abandoned building was with Mulder. Back then I was his prisoner though, fuck I had to get him out of my head. I had enough shit to deal with, like accommodation for one.

London already had plenty of homeless, so to a certain degree I blended in and no one bothered me. I’d bought an extra set of clothes out of my wages, now I pretty much lived out of my backpack. I also frequented the laundrette a lot, well at least it was somewhere to go.

I suppose things could have been far worse, hell I’d suffered far worse than this in the past, so I’d survive. I guess I was alive and that was all that mattered, for now I’d just take it one day at a time.

Most of the customers were just out for a good time, I’d had to deal with a couple of fights but that was all. I was still fit enough to deal with a couple of drunks, I just had to make sure I laid of the vodka myself.

It was after the third week that things started going wrong, I knew trouble when I saw it, this one customer was trouble with a capital T.

The man would come most nights and stay until he was drunk, it was then that he would start coming on to me and spouting shit. It was all the usual stuff that I’d heard before, however I could handle myself if I had to.

It didn’t help that most of the staff disliked him and wouldn’t serve him, it always came down to me to take him his drink. Tonight he’d changed from the usual beer, I had to take him yet another double vodka.

Straight away I hated the way he grinned at me, I actually felt he was undressing me as I stood there. However I avoided his stare, I also remained as polite as I could be under the circumstances.

“Here’s your drink Sir.”

“How do you fancy joining me for one?”

“Sorry I’m working at the moment.”

“How about when you finish then, I’m sure we could go somewhere and have some fun together…”

“Look I’m not interested okay.”

“What’s up, am I not good enough for you. Do you think that you’re better than me or something, hell I eat people like you for breakfast and spit them out afterwards?”

“Sir, look maybe you’ve had too much to drink, I’m just trying to do my job that’s all.”

“I could think of a far better job that you could do, how about you showing me what you have in those tight jeans.”

“Look it’s never going to happen so just drop it will you…”

“I’ll show you.”

The man was giving me the creeps, so I just turned around and walked away. Shit that was when he grabbed my backside, also when I reacted without thinking. I’d been trained by the best there was, my first instinct was to grab the offending hand.

Within seconds I bent his fingers back, hell even I heard the snapping sound. The man started screaming abuse at me and then went to hit me, I couldn’t help myself as I punched him in the face.

“You broke my fuckin fingers.”

“Well I guess you won’t be touching anyone up for a while, people like you make me sick. I’m not just a piece of fuckin meat, here to please you!”

“I’ll sue you for this, that or I’ll have your sorry ass put in prison for assault.”

“Go to hell.”

With that I grabbed my jacket and walked out, it was another fuckin job I’d had to walk out on. I knew I couldn’t stay there; it would only be a matter of time before the police turned up.

To be honest, I was getting sick of everything now including my fucked up life, I was just too much of a coward to end it. I went back into the alley knowing what I’d have to do, I only had two things left that was worth anything at all.

My gun and my body, well it looked like I’d have to sell my gun just so I could eat. Maybe tomorrow it might be the latter, however I’d need something stronger than vodka if I had to sell my body to live.

XXXXXXXXXX

The following morning I woke in my hotel room alone and hung over, I knew that I’d drank way too much last night. My biggest mistake was promising to do it again tonight, well at least it gave me all day to sober up somewhat.

I was thankful that Jack handled his drink worse than me, we had to call a cab for him, so I got out of the talk he wanted. Well I knew I’d have to deal with him tonight, as for now I had to dress and go out.

My plan was to go and visit the escort agency, someone there must know where Alex is if he works there. Well I presumed he was still there, as the picture did look rather recent.

Once there I had to wait to see the person in charge, apparently he was called Nick and was the one who employed people. So at least I’d be speaking to the person that had dealt with Alex, hopefully he’d have a current address for him too.

Finally a door opened and a well dressed man walked out, you could tell that he had money as it was a designer suit he wore.

“Good afternoon Sir, I was told you wanted a word regarding one of my employees?”

“Yeah I saw him in one of your flyers.”

“Okay would you like to show me the photo, are you after hiring him?”

I passed him the flyer; I couldn’t help but notice the smile that appeared on his face.

“No Alex is an old friend; I’m looking for him regarding personal reasons.”

“Sorry but I can’t just give out information like that, not when it could put his life at risk.”

“I can just go through the police if I have to, you see I’m a federal agent.”

“You must be the one that was his partner once, Alex has mentioned you a few times, however he always became upset.”

“Yeah some shit happened, that’s why I need to see him and help him.”

“Look Alex never showed up for work a few weeks ago, no one has seen or heard from him either.”

“And you didn’t question it?”

“Look manty people chose this kind of work to make fast money, then afterwards they just move on. I do know that he came back here after his last job, he took all his clothes and belongings.”

“So he didn’t disappear on the job then?”

“No like I said before, everyone comes and goes. My job is to provide an escort for the rich, Alex was perfect in every way and was popular too.”

“What about an address or phone number?”

“Alex left his phone here, after a few days I went to check his home and see if he was okay. He wasn’t there, the landlord checked for me too.”

“Okay thanks.”

Well it looked like that was another dead end. Not that it was anything unusual for the man to disappear, Alex seemed to be an expert at it no matter what country he was in.

Well I knew that I couldn’t do anymore today, great now I had to get ready for another night of drinking. I returned to my hotel to shower and change, once done I called a cab and left.

I had to admit that London on a Saturday night was heaving, I was still hungover, and Jack wasn’t helping matters at all. Every time he was near me he had to touch me, one time he even grabbed my ass tight.

“Tonight Fox, I’m not letting you get away from me again.”

“Look Jack, I really think we need to have that talk.”

“Oh I want to do far more than talk Fox…”

“Look we’ve both changed and what we had was years ago.”

“Yeah but I still want you Fox.”

God the man wasn’t taking no for an answer, he had to accept that he was a friend and nothing more. We decided to go to one more bar before calling it a night, now all I had to do was get rid of Jack before we left here.

We arrived outside the bar and something caught my attention, the figure in the alley looked so familiar.

“I’ll catch up with you guys in a minute.”

“Fox where the hell are you going, shit it’s just a rent boy. Hey, I can suck your dick for free if that’s what you want?”

“Put a sock in it Jack.”

I walked over to the figure that was leant against the wall, hell the person was even struggling to stand up now. I grabbed Alex by the chin and turned him to face me, he didn’t even look at me or know who I was.

Well it didn’t take me long to realize that he was drugged up, also he was filthy along with all the clothes he wore. I pulled out my phone and called a cab, now I just had to convince Alex to leave and come with me.

Shit all he kept talking about was sex and blow jobs, it was at that point I realized just what he was asking. Shit Alex thought I was a customer who wanted to take him home, he was willing to sell himself for money.

I wasn’t happy whatsoever and wasn’t leaving him here, I’d also have to hope that he wasn’t addicted to drugs too. Just what the hell had happened to him, a few weeks ago he wore a suit and escorted the rich and elite.

This man in front of me was broken beyond belief, something bad must have happened to reduce him to this.

“Alex hang in there, look the cab will be here in a minute.”

“Do I get paid more?”

“What? Shit you’re a fuckin idiot Alex if you think I’m just a customer.”

“I don’t kiss, also I don’t bend over for anyone…”

“Yeah what ever Alex, just get in the cab and behave yourself.”

I got Alex in the car and closed the door, soon we were on our way to my motel room. I just sat here watching him, hell I was still wondering what the hell had gone wrong.

XXXXXXXXXX

Things were really not going too well for me right now; I’d been on the streets for over a week now and had nothing left. I was literally sleeping anywhere and ate whatever, someone had even stolen my bag leaving me without even a change of clothes.

All I wanted, was to make enough money to feed myself. Well it was that or I’d die of starvation, the thought of dying alone was what scared me the most. I had no one in life, maybe I should just man up and end my own pathetic life.

Well I still wasn’t ready to give in and sell my body yet, however I might have to whore myself somewhat. Even so the thought of touching someone made me feel sick, maybe I should scrounge enough to by some vodka first.

I’d been trained how to lie; I knew I could spin a story if I had to. However night was coming fast by the time I’d got some money, well at lest it was enough to buy the vodka.

After the liquor store I searched for a bench somewhere, soon I was back to watching life go by for everyone else. People smart and dressed in suits, also families laughing and having something I’d never have. It was as if everyone was happy except me, well I’d be happy enough if I drank this bottle straight down.

By the time it was empty I was fairly drunk, just not enough for what I had planned next. I wasn’t proud that I’d sank this low, or for what I was about to do. Finally I moved of the bench, I’d go find a low key club somewhere.

I knew if I waited long enough someone would come by, hell within an hour someone came to me. So here I was in some dirty fuckin alley, just to make it worse, I had some strangers dick down my throat.

Fuck why was this so hard, even the vodka hadn’t numbed the pain and loss I felt inside. I was actually struggling hard not to throw up; however I didn’t think the customer would pay me if I threw up all over him.

It didn’t help that the bastard had hold of my hair tight and I couldn’t move, also he was really brutal as he fucked my mouth. Finally he came and I was forced to swallow, he then threw some money at me and just walked away.

I wasn’t even sure If I could go through that again, then I remembered how I wanted to eat tomorrow. Not that I had long to decide what I was doing, within ten minutes someone else came up to me.

I knew that this would be the last for today as I couldn’t stomach anymore, despite the need for money and food. Years ago it wouldn’t have bothered me as it was life, yeah, the consortium trained you for everything and sex was a powerful weapon.

Then along came Fox Mulder, then I fell in love with him and didn’t want anyone else. I tried telling myself this was just a job, yet my brain screamed at me that I was nothing more than a filthy whore.

This bloke seemed rather different though, well he was gentle for one, he even spoke to me afterwards.

“What’s your name?”

“Alex…”

“Your way too good looking to be out here, hell I’d take you home myself if I were single.”

“Yeah well sometimes we don’t have a choice!”

“Are you running away from something?”

“I don’t want to talk about it or him.”

“I take it you are then, here take this and it’ll make the night easier for you.”

Within seconds he placed something in my mouth, he then held my mouth shut so I couldn’t spit it out.

“Calm down it’s only an ecstasy table, just swallow it…”

Well it wasn’t like I had a choice, also I knew it would work far better than the vodka had.

“Why?”

“It will make it easier, hell even I can tell that you don’t want to be here.”

With that he left and I was alone once more, soon I felt happy and decided I might as well stay while I were in the mood.

Anyone could ask me anything and I’d agree to it, that’s perhaps why I accepted my next customers invitation. When your high you think you’re indestructible, you don’t even stop to think about your own safety.

It was still early for clubbers, maybe I could make enough to keep me going for a week. The less I had to do this the better, even high it wouldn’t be my chosen profession.

I was so out of it and wasn’t paying any attention, my next possible customer seemed different from the others. This one was a picky fucker and talked way too much. Hell, he even grabbed me by the chin so he could look me over.

At least I was somewhere else inside my head, there was this party going on and I just blocked him out. Little words started to filter through now and again, he was talking about me going back to his hotel with him. I knew I would need to get with it, I had to pay some attention or lose his custom.

“What? Look do you want a blow job or not?”

“I said you’re coming back to my hotel with me, you’re a fuckin idiot Alex and are not staying out here!”

“Whatever, I’ve been called far worse.”

“Yeah I bet you have, come on just get up and move.”

How could I refuse an offer like that, I’d get a comfy bed for the night and money too? As long as he knew a blow job was all he’d be getting, I wouldn’t let anyone fuck me no matter what the price.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d finally managed to get Alex back to my hotel room, not that he’d cooperated with me whatsoever. Now I had the job of trying to undress him, it was also obvious that a shower was out of the question.

“Alex help me out here, come on I need you to take your clothes off.”

“Why, I said no fucking…”

“Because you’re filthy, shit you look like you haven’t had a shower for weeks!”

“No kissing either…”

“Yeah okay I get the point, look I’m not going to hurt you Alex, or do anything that you won’t like.”

“Okay, I guess I’ll take my clothes of then.”

God it was like dealing with a small child, in some ways I’d be glad when the drug started to wear off. I just wanted his clothes so I could send them to be cleaned, also I was tired myself and couldn’t do this for much longer.

It took longer than I’d planned, however my perseverance paid off in the end. Well the shower would be waiting until morning, as I knew I’d also need one myself now. I made Alex get into the large bed and lay down, as for me, I’d sleep on the couch that was in the room.

“Are you coming to bed yet?”

“Look just go to sleep.”

“I can give you that blow job if you want?”

“Alex, I said go to sleep, we can deal with it all in the morning.”

“Hey it’s your dollar…”

Sleep refused to come for some time, I guess I was scared it was all just some dream. One where he’d disappear and be gone when I woke up, deep down I knew that it was a possibility.

Finally the alcohol and lack of sleep got the better of me, when I next opened my eyes, I felt somewhat disoriented. I looked around the room and realized it was Alex who’d woke me, he was moaning and talking in his sleep.

“Please… oh god I’m so sorry and won’t do it again. Please don’t hurt me, god no not that, anything but that!”

I lay there listening to him as he spoke, I was scared to go to him and wake him up in case he reacted badly. Now though, I had to wonder what the hell he was dreaming about? Was it real and he’d suffered it, or was it all just drug induced?

Shit and then suddenly Alex started screaming again, however this time it was really loud. To make it worse I knew it wasn’t drug induced, this time he was screaming about been buried alive. Alex actually cried and begged Spender not to do it, he also said he’d never betray him again.

At this point I had no choice but to move, that or half the hotel would be complaining. I went over to the bed and noticed that he was burning up, I went and got a wet cloth and wiped his face. I was starting to wonder if he had a fever, maybe he was coming down with something.

I ran my thumb along his dry lips, god it was obvious the man had been to hell and back. Yet he was still as good looking as ever, well that was once I’d managed to wipe the dirt away. Even in his sleep he grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go, it was as if he was terrified of something only he could see.

“Hey Alex, come on you’re okay and I’ve got you.”

“Please… Please don’t.”

“I won’t hurt you, come on you can talk to me as I’m here for you.”

“Please don’t leave me Fox.”

I was totally surprised by the use of my first name, also by the fact he still must feel something for me. I could see that he was crying, and it tore me apart, I did the only think I could think of under the circumstances. I got into the bed and lay beside him, I then held him tight in my arms.

“I’m here for you Alex.”

“I’m scared, I don’t want to be on my own anymore.”

“Hey I’m here and won’t leave you this time, I promise that I’ll look after you now and always.”

“Do you mean it?”

“Yeah so just get some rest, you really need a shower in the morning though, hell so do I.”

I held Alex and finally he fell asleep once more, as for me I was now wide awake. Just what the hell had happened to Alex in the time we’d been apart, nine months and this was the worst I’d ever seen him.

I thought back to the time in the cabin, the time we’d shared together and made love. How everything had felt so perfect back then, that was before Spender caused it all to come crashing down.

Great, that thought had just given me something else to worry about. What if Spender had found someone else to follow me around. Not that I could run anymore now as Alex needed me here, so this time I’d stay no matter what.

First, I’d have to deal with Alex and get him sorted out, shit then I’d have to figure out how to get him back to D.C. The man had no passport or credentials, also I couldn’t risk anyone knowing until I was back in America.

God, I knew I was thinking way too much and my head hurt, also I was thinking too far ahead. For now all that mattered was the here and now, what was inside this room and that was Alex.

It didn’t bother me that Alex was filthy, I just wanted to keep him here in my arms and not let go. It was something I thought I’d never have again, to be honest I thought I’d never even see him again.

I pulled him close to me and kept him there, at least I’d had a spare tee shirt and boxers to dress him in. It felt far easier holding him dressed, I didn’t want him to wake up naked and start to panic, he’d think I’d taken advantage of him.

I started to drift in and out of sleep, my mind refused to stop working and that didn’t help at all. Alex was also rather restless too, also he kept talking from time to time. I guess that was why I thought nothing of it later, I’d woke because I’d heard Alex talking rather loudly.

“Mulder you fuckin bastard, what the fuck have you done to me? Shit of all fuckin people it had to be you; I swear that I’ll kill you this time Mulder…”

“Jesus Alex, just calm down and then we can talk.”

Alex was far from gentle as he shoved me away from him, he then rolled away and even managed to fall on the floor. Well I guess he really was determined to get away from me, I had to wonder what he thought had happened between us.

“Alex…”

I put my hands up to show him I wasn’t a threat, I then sat up in the bed and watched him. I knew that he could be volatile at the best of times, so I guess that’s why I felt a little wary around him right now.

XXXXXXXXXX

I slowly came awake, then I tried to remember the previous night. I was more worried as to what I might have done, shit then I remember that I’d taken something. Maybe that was why I couldn’t recall too much, hell maybe I didn’t want to either.

I remembered the cab ride, also the fact I’d gone home with a stranger. I felt really sick just thinking about last night, all I wanted was to get out of this bed and scrub my mouth clean. However I felt a warm body pressed against me, fuck waking up with a client was worse than waking up alone.

I just had to force my eyes open and see where I was, shit I regretted it when I finally opened them. I shoved Fox away from me as hard as I could, hell I even fell on the floor as I tried to get away from him.

“Alex…”

“Stay the fuck away from me Mulder, shit this can’t be happening now after all I did…”

“Alex calm down.”

“Where the fuck are my clothes, what the fuck did you do to me Mulder?”

“Alex please, all I did was put you to bed. Look just calm down and we can talk.”

“All I want is my clothes, oh and also to be as far away from you as possible.”

“Alex, you don’t understand…”

“Yeah right, how you double crossed me and made me come here.”

“How the hell do you figure that out? I let you go so you’d be safe.”

“Why the fuck did you dig me back up Mulder, just to lead me on and then send me away! I bet the whole thing was one big set up, then to top it of you told Spender where he could find me.”

“Shit where the hell did all that come from Alex, I love you and would never sell you out to that cancerous bastard.”

I ignored Mulder, as I was too busy looking around the room for some clothes. I’d got to the point where I’d wear anything, I just had to get away from here and Mulder.

There on the chair I noticed Mulder had a tee shirt and some jeans, I’d lost some weight so they should fit me okay. I stayed at my side of the bed and went to grab the clothes; I could see Mulder out of the corner of my eye.

I decided to grab some trainers while I was at it, however I decided it would be far safer to dress in the bathroom. I slowly backed away from the bed, no way was I prepared to turn my back on Mulder.

“Alex what are you doing?”  
“I’m getting a shower; I need to feel clean Mulder first and then we can talk.”

“Fine I’ll wait, I swear I’d never hurt you or use you again Alex.”

“Later Mulder.”

I slammed the bathroom door shut behind me, I just wanted to feel clean once more. I wasn’t proud of the things I’d done, I just kept telling myself I’d done it to survive, it wasn’t like I had a choice.

The hot water felt like heaven upon my skin, I couldn’t even remember when I was last clean. I washed my hair twice and took far longer that needed, maybe deep down I was trying to avoid Mulder.

What he’d done to me had cut like a knife, I’d used people and had people use me. However I’d never been used that bad, especially by someone I love and who claimed to love me.

Well I knew the time had come to get out, the minute I did I noticed all my own clothes where on the chair. Shit I really must have lost my edge, I hadn’t even heard Mulder enter the bathroom and put them there.

Well I had to admit it felt good, once again I was back in my own clothes. Also they were far cleaner than they had been for a while, that and all the filth from the previous night had been washed away too.

I decided to get a quick shave too, I might as well make the most of it while I were here. I looked in the mirror and felt somewhat human once more, also like my old self.

Now all I had to do was get past Mulder, then I’d get the hell away from him and this country. I had plenty of money in other countries, I’d just have to figure out how the hell I’d get there with no passport.

Well I knew I couldn’t put this off any longer, I opened the door to find Mulder stood there waiting for me. So much for my plans and getting out of here fast, I knew Mulder would have other ideas and wouldn’t let that happen.

“Get out of the way Mulder.”  
“Alex you said we could talk…”

“I’ve nothing to say to you Mulder, also I don’t want to hear any of the shit that comes out of your mouth.”

“Well tough luck.”

“Mulder…”

“Look I’m not letting you go again Alex.”

“Mulder move now, or I guarantee this will end badly.”

Great Mulder was blocking the only way out of here, I struggled to breathe and started to panic. I had to get out of this room before I lost it bigtime, I really didn’t want to hurt Mulder if possible.

“Shit I really can’t do this. Mulder just fuckin move now, I swear it’s your last chance.”

“Why what will you do Alex if I don’t.”

“Mulder move or I’ll move you!”

“Come on then Alex make me move, otherwise I’m staying right here…”

I panicked and did the one thing I said I never would, I grabbed hold of Mulder by the throat and punched him.

“See look what you made me do…”  
“Have you finished Alex?”

“That depends on you Mulder, you should have moved and then that wouldn’t have happened.”

“Yeah and like I told you, I’m not moving no matter what.”

“You fuckin sadistic prick.”

“You need to work on that colourful language of yours Alex.”

“Why is it that you never learn Mulder?”

“No neither do you Alex, your getting a bit slow lately.”

“What…”

Shit that was when I felt the gun press against my stomach, maybe I deserved it as I hadn’t seen it coming.

“You wouldn’t do it Mulder…”

For some reason my words felt hollow even to myself, shit how did I truly know what he was capable of anymore. Look what Mulder had done to me in the past, once I’d have never thought him capable of such violent acts.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well I hadn’t expected Alex to punch me like that, now I had blood dripping onto my tee shirt. I wouldn’t let him win; I knew that Alex wasn’t leaving here no matter what.

The gun had just been the last resort, also I had no intention of using it on Alex. I knew that I’d never see him again if I let him leave, also he might end up back on the streets once more.

“Alex please… I really don’t want to hurt you.”

“Ha, says the man who’s pointing a gun at me!”

“Alex please sit down, all I wanted was a chance to talk with you.”

“Shit you really would do it wouldn’t you, I guess you’ve been around Spender way too long.”

“Sit the fuck down right now, that or you’ll be leaving here in a body bag!”

I would never shoot him intentionally, however maybe for the time been, it was good if he thought I were capable. I’d only lighten up once I had him secure, but not until then though. I reached into the draw and grabbed something; I then threw a pair of cuffs at Alex. “

“Cuff yourself to the bed Alex.”

“Like fuck, shit only you could take your cuffs on holiday.”

“Now, as I’ve had enough of all this shit…”

I could tell that Alex was unsure and wary around me, however after I yelled at him, he suddenly complied.

“What are you going to do with me Mulder?”

“You sound a bit worried there Alex…”

“Fuck you Mulder.”

“Look I’m going to try and take you back to D.C, face Spender and the consortium head on if it’s the only way.”

“You must think I were born yesterday, I’m sure they informed you the minute the bastard took his last breath.”

“Shit, what… you mean Spenders dead?”

“I’m sure they told you Mulder that I stabbed him to death, why the hell do you think I did what I did to survive. Yeah, I killed him, then I ended up on the streets sucking dick.”

Shit I couldn’t hold back as I slapped him hard, hell I could even see the handprint on his face.

“I don’t want to know what you were doing on the streets Alex, I guess now I know what you were running from though!”

“You fuckin bastard, touch me again and I’ll kill you Mulder. You know nothing at all about me, or what I had to do to survive. One thing for sure though, I’m not going back to D.C with you no matter what!”

“Why the hell not, it’s not like Spenders there anymore.”

“No but you’re there so that’s a good enough reason.”

“How fuckin childish, so what will you do for money if you stay here? I take it that you just plan to whore yourself once more, I wouldn’t have expected you to go that low Alex.”

“Fuck you Mulder, hey for the right price I’ll do you right here and now!”

I couldn’t help myself as I backhanded the man once more, yet he just sat there smirking at me. I loved him yet he brought out the worst in me, especially when I had no way of making him believe me.

“Why do you always have to be a complete bastard Alex, nearly a year apart and I’ve missed you so much.”

“Boo hoo Mulder, you must think I’m stupid and will believe all your lies?”

“Look I’m getting dressed and then we’ll be leaving here, when we get to the airport behave or I’ll be forced to shoot you.”

“Yeah I bet you’d get off on it too Mulder.”

“Oh I’d just shoot you in the leg or something, that way you wouldn’t be able to run far.”

“Yeah I forgot, you get off on restraining people and keeping them prisoner.”

“Alex this is your last warning, you’re really starting to piss me off now.”

“Yeah well it never did take much, I guess it’s something I’ve always been good at, especially when it comes to you Mulder.”

I ignored him and checked the cuffs, I just wanted to make sure he’d actually fastened them. I was glad that I’d decided to bring my cuffs and badge with me, I guess once an agent always an agent.

Once sorted I arranged for a cab to wait out front, I then cuffed his hands together and made him walk in front of me.

“Maybe I should tell the driver your kidnapping me, that or I could tell him that you’re into bondage.”

“Alex I’m warning you, open that mouth of yours and you’ll soon wish you hadn’t.”

“You think it’s so easy Mulder, well just remember we’re not on that plane yet!”

“Is that a threat, are you planning to do something Alex?”

“Ha, that would be telling…”

I took a deep breath and shoved the annoying man into the cab, I’d have enough problems at the airport without Alex trying something. I would have to convince them to let Alex fly without a passport, I was planning to tell them that he was a witness in an extremely important case.

It turned out the airport was extremely busy, I went to the desk and asked to speak to someone higher up. I flashed my badge and told them it was urgent; this was a federal matter and I had to get to D.C fast.

Finally after an hour I was called into a side office, someone then entered and took all my details. They also took my badge number, plus the name of my star witness. I was then assured someone would soon return with an answer, first they’d need to speak to my superior.

Great now I’d have to pray that Skinner backs me up, chances are he’d want Alex back so he could get revenge. I knew there was no love lost between them, I was hoping Skinner would do it for me, oh and be thankful that Alex had got rid of Spender.

“They won’t let me fly Mulder, maybe we should just say goodbye now.”

“I’ll tell you what Alex, maybe if they say no I’ll stay here in London with you…”

“Yeah right, you couldn’t even leave the first time.”

“Shit I had no choice, I already told you that I had Spender watching my every move.”

I badly wanted to explain it all to him, however that was when we were interrupted as the door opened. Two hours I’d been waiting, finally someone had come to tell me what was decided.

Maybe some god up there was looking out for me, I had permission to fly to America with Alex. Apparently, there was only one problem, the next flight didn’t leave until tomorrow.

Well it looked like we’d be spending the night in a hotel, I just made sure I chose the closest to the airport.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit I couldn’t believe they’d agreed to it, now there was no way out of it, and I’d be going to America. However first, I was expected to spend another night in a hotel with him.

I knew that I’d have to take this serious now, going back to America was not in my interests whatsoever. Spender was dead, I myself was a hundred percent positive about that one. I could say that there was the rest of the consortium, yet one of the main players was the Englishman.

If the consortium wanted me dead, I would be by now and I knew it, the Englishman had made the choice to just let me walk away. Of course there was one other reason against returning, one Special Agent Fox Mulder.

I knew that Mulder wouldn’t kill me outright, however the man could still destroy me with his words alone. Well should I say what was left of me, I’d never forget the way he’d lied to me and sent me away.

So my main goal was to ditch Mulder, to do that I’d need the keys for the handcuffs.

“Look Mulder I swear I’ll behave, I guess you won as usual…”

“Alex this isn’t a game, believe me the past nine months have been hell without you.”

“Yeah whatever, look I need to use the bathroom before we go to the hotel.”

“Mulder led me into a small bathroom, well it looked like this would be my only chance.

“So it was hard for you Mulder, have you taken into account what I might have been through?”

“I can only imagine Alex, look I’m sorry that you had to go away in the first place.”

“Don’t patronize me Mulder, at least you still had friends. I got to go to a different country and had no one at all, I even had to kill Spender just so I could stay alive…”

“Hey, come on, calm down Alex.”

“Don’t tell me to calm the fuck down, shit I even had to whore myself just so I could eat!”

Mulder was falling for it hook line and sinker, it was only a matter of time before I struck.

“I’m so sorry Alex, hell I thought that you’d be safe away from Spender.”

I started with the fake tears; well it didn’t take long before Mulder had me in his arms. I finally felt so safe and wanted to stay here, I knew it was just an act though and I couldn’t fall for it.

The cuffs weren’t helping at all, well at least I knew which pocket he’d put the key in. I just had to get near enough to grab it, well I guess all my fidgeting had got his attention, it was just a shame it was in the wrong way.

“You fuckin bastard…”

Within seconds I was slammed against the wall, I closed my eyes and didn’t want to see the disgust on his face.

“Just how low will you go to get what you want Alex?”

“I’m not going back to D.C Mulder, also believe me I’ll go as low as it takes. Come on Mulder, I could give you a blow job right now, how about it and then you can let me go?”

“How could you want to touch me Alex, especially as you hate me so much?”

“It’ll just be like any other job Mulder.”

“Is that all I ever was to you Alex? Was it all lies right from the very start?”

Fuck he sure knew how to hit where it hurt, I’d blown my own cover by the hurt reaction I’d given him.

“Come on Alex just say it, I want you to tell me to my face, tell me that I mean nothing at all to you?”

I stood there and closed my eyes once more; I couldn’t deal with Mulder when he went off like this. Ha maybe I just didn’t know how to deal with him when he was right, I hated having to tell him that he was right, and I was an idiot yet again.

“I can’t…”

“So you love me, yet you won’t give me a chance and hear me out. Look we can go to a hotel and talk; I’m not asking for anything other than that.”

“Talk about what?”

“I want to know what you’ve done for the past nine months; we need to be open with each other.”  
“yeah maybe I’ll share all the gory details with you.”  
“Good, well at least that will be a start.”

“You’re sick Mulder.”

“Hey, I’ve been called worse, look we can talk and take it from there.”

Maybe a night in a hotel was a good idea, that way I might be able to get away. I still believed that Mulder was just using me. I thought back to the past we shared, I should have known Mulder would never have given his job up and left D.C for me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I called a cab to the nearest hotel; however I still had a feeling Alex didn’t believe a word I said. I also believed that he had his own agenda with regards to me and my plans, I knew if Alex had his way he’d be gone by morning.

“Right we can get settled Alex, after that I’ll call room service and order us something to eat.”

“Does that mean you’ll be removing the cuffs Mulder?”

“No chance, sorry but I really don’t trust you right now.”

Shit I hadn’t really given it much thought; however I did know that my final decision would piss Alex off once more.

“Sit down on the bed Alex, also make sure you get yourself comfortable.”

“Mulder you can’t be serious…”

“Hey, I’ll feed you and let you use the bathroom.”

“Great!”

I watched as Alex went and sat down on the bed, reluctantly I might add. I then retrieved the key from my pocket, in all honesty I was hungry and tired myself.

“Right I’ll undo one of the cuffs and fasten it to the bed, behave Alex and no funny stuff.”

“What me…”

“Shit yeah you, you’re far from innocent Alex.”

“Yeah whatever.”

I removed one of the cuffs, however Alex had other ideas and moved fast. Within seconds he grabbed my groin and squeezed hard, fuck my eyes watered and I had to let go of him.

“You fuckin bastard…”

“Hey, all’s fair in love and war Mulder.”

Alex made a move for the door; despite the pain I knew I’d have to force myself to move. I jumped up off the bed and slammed him face first into the door, I then shoved him back onto the bed.

Once that was done, I grabbed the handcuff and secured him to the bed. The bastard still had to push his luck, within seconds he grabbed hold of my top. I soon found his mouth upon my own as he kissed me, to make it worse Alex gave it everything he had. Shit I was gone as he forced his tongue in my mouth, that was when I started to respond without even thinking.

I knew this was wrong, we had other problems to deal with first. However it was Alex that ended it first, he suddenly let go of me and shoved me backwards.

“Ha, I knew that was all you wanted Mulder, hell you’re just like all the rest.”

“Shit that’s unfair Alex, you were the one that came on to me.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t stop it did you Mulder?”

“Alex I’m a man at the end of the day only human, how the hell do you expect me to react when I love you?”

“Yeah whatever Mulder.”

I went and sat in the chair, I just had to get myself sorted and back under control. The man always had a way of getting to me, yet I knew I couldn’t let him.

“You seem a little flustered there Mulder, hey look it’s just like old times too.”

“Alex why do you do it, do you hate me that much.?”

“Fuck you Mulder, I’ve nothing to say to you anymore.”

“Fine, I’ll get us some food then.”

I ordered from room service; I’d decided on sandwiches as it was late now. I felt grimy from the hours I’d spent at the airport, great and to think we’d have to do it all again in the morning.

Alex remained quiet now, the only time he’d opened his mouth was to eat. It pleased me as I wanted some sleep and be up in the morning, also I’d want a shower before leaving here.

I just sat there in the chair watching Alex, I loved the man so much. In the cabin he’d let me see the real him, a side that I knew he kept well hidden. I knew it was all an act now, deep down Alex was scared to death of getting hurt.

Nothing would change between us, well not until I could make him see sense. When he was like this it was hard, at times he could be a complete bastard and even immature at times. Like I said though, I loved him no matter how he acted.

“Mulder take a picture if you want, hell it might last longer.”

“Sorry I was miles away.”

“Yeah well I wish I were too.”

“Look do you want to use the bathroom or anything, I’m tired and we have an early start in the morning?”

“Yeah okay, uncuff me then.”

“Nice try Alex.”

I removed the cuff from the bed and fastened his hands together, I then led him to the en suite bathroom.

“You have two minutes Alex.”

I stood at the door and waited for him; I kept my gun raised at all times as a warning. I was tired and didn’t want a repeat of earlier, I was surprised when he went and sat back on the bed.

“Do you want to remove your shoes and jacket, then I’ll re cuff you.”

I stood and watched as Alex let his jacket drop to the floor, then he just kicked his shoes off. I was more surprised when his jeans followed, I swear he was doing it on purpose now.

“Right get back on the bed Alex.”

I re cuffed him and returned to the chair, I then tried to make myself as comfortable as possible. I was drifting off to sleep when Alex spoke, maybe he found it easier in the dark room.

“Mulder, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course you can Alex.”

“Do I disgust you now?”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because of what I did back there with those men…”

“Shit Alex is that what you think, I know that you had to do it to survive. That’s the difference between us, what I did I did for myself.”

“I don’t understand, what are you talking about Mulder?”

“You should be the one that despises me Alex, you did what you had to just to survive. That was unfortunate but part of life, no one can hate you for that. While I on the other hand raped and abused you, it wasn’t life or death, I did it because I was selfish and wanted you!”

Alex suddenly became quiet once more, however I knew he was awake and thinking about everything.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d honestly expected Mulder to hate me for what I’d done, yet I wouldn’t let him in or even give him a chance. Nine months ago my life had fallen apart, it had felt like someone had ripped my heart out. I knew if it happened again my life would be over; I couldn’t survive that pain again.

I guess it was hard believing anything Mulder said, he’d broken the last promise he’d made to me. My head hurt and I was in need of some decent sleep, however every time I closed my eyes the nightmares came once more. So instead I lay here thinking, also every now and again I heard Mulder move in the chair.

“Mulder, I don’t hate you for what you did, I got over that back in the cabin. Things just got out of hand, also back then I’d given you reason to hate me.”

“It was still wrong though and I’ll never forgive myself, I could have destroyed you Alex…”

“Mulder it’s the past.”

“Fine, just get some sleep Alex.”

“I can’t, every time I close my eyes the nightmares return. I’m always back in that fuckin hole, I lay there as the earth falls on me until I suffocate.”

“Hey, thinking about it won’t help you. Maybe you need to get some professional help Alex, talk to someone about it all.”

“No one understands me Mulder, or how it personally felt for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“The soil Mulder, it’s all over me and there’s worms mixed in it too. I can feel them on my skin, shit the wiggle along my body and then my face.”

“Alex…”

“Fuck they’re not worms any longer Mulder, it’s the black oil crawling along me. Fuck it’s entering my body by any means possible; I have to lay there as it crawls up my nose and even in my mouth…”

“Jesus Alex, you really need to deal with it all.”

I couldn’t answer him as my mind worked overtime, now all I could see was the oil once more. I could see it moving under my skin, that was when I started screaming and couldn’t stop.

It was then that I felt someone near me and hold me, now I just wanted to cry even more.

“Hey, I’ve got you Alex.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Yeah right, I’m pathetic and a complete bastard. Maybe I deserve all I get and to be alone!”

“You deserve no such thing Alex; I swear that I won’t give up on you. One way or another, you will believe me eventually.”

“I hope so, shit I gave you my heart and soul Mulder…”

“I know, sleep and we’ll deal with it all later.”

“Will you stay here with me please?”

“Of course I will Alex.”

Shit now I felt like a right idiot, yet it felt so right to have Mulder here holding me. I swore that I wouldn’t cry no matter what, yet things never went to plan as the damn opened.

“Alex, hey talk to me.”

“I’ll be alright so forget it.”

“I can’t see you upset like this and do nothing.”

“Mulder we can talk later, believe me holding me is all I need from you right now.”

“Okay, just don’t shut me out though.”

“I won’t.”

I must have finally fallen asleep, when I woke, I was still in Mulders arms. It was at that moment I realized he was awake and watching me.

“How are you feeling now Alex, look we really should talk about things.”

“Mulder I’m not ready to do that yet, look I’ll come back to D’C with you willingly then we’ll deal with it.”

“So do I still need the handcuffs if it’s willingly?”

“Yeah you do Mulder.”

“How come, I thought you said you’d come willingly?”

“Yeah, however right now I don’t trust myself Mulder.”

“Fine if you’re sure.”

“Yeah I’m sure, that or I’ll just go and self destruct somewhere.”

“Okay we’ll dress, and then I’ll call a cab to the airport.”

We soon dressed and were ready to leave, I decided for now I’d behave and just remain quiet. I couldn’t deal with everything right now, I guess I just needed time to see if Mulder really meant what he said. I believed going back to America might help, at least that way I’d have more options if it were all a lie.

The journey to the airport was uneventful, at least Mulder didn’t push me or demand answers and that helped. Soon we boarded the plane and took our seats, within no time at all Mulder fell asleep on me. I guess part of that was my fault, I was the one who’d kept him awake most of the night.

Suddenly I realized just what an idiot I’d been, Mulder could have left me dead in London as well as that grave. He’d tried to be so open about everything, also at the end of the day I was the one good at acting, not him.

Hell I’d seen the look of agony upon his gorgeous face, yet I’d chose to believe it was all a lie. Was I just willing to give it all up without even trying, life was shit alone so I had nothing to lose?

Also I wanted to be held by him again once more, I guess I was sick of feeling so alone in this world. Well I’d have to start listening to him, try and find out what he had to say about everything.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe I’d fallen asleep the minute we’d got on the plane, I guess I’d had a few rather eventful nights lately. I opened my eyes and couldn’t breathe, hell I’d never felt like this in my life before. I’d opened my eyes to find Alex really close and just staring at me.

My heart thudded in my chest and I didn’t know what to say to him. Shit I couldn’t work out whether he wanted to hit me or kiss me.

“What’s the matter Alex?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking about a few things that’s all…”

“Anything you want to share with me?”

“No, I’m sure I’ll figure it all out sooner or later Mulder.”

Okay’ I guess I’ll just stay in the dark then!”

“Mulder there is something though.”

“What would that be Alex, well apart from me that is…”

“Mulder I’ll figure you out sooner or later, at the moment I have to worry about Luis. He would do anything for Spender, he’ll want me dead if he so much as sees me.”

“You don’t have to worry about him Alex.”

“How the hell can you know that Mulder?”

“Because Luis is dead, so just drop it Alex.”

Great I really didn’t want to go into much detail right now, the man was dead and that was the end of it.

“Whoa chill Mulder, I only fuckin asked a question! Hell, anyone would think you’d killed him yourself.”

I tried to remain as neutral as possible, yet Alex wasn’t stupid and saw straight through me.

“Oh shit you did kill him, didn’t you?”

“Why not tell everyone on the plane Alex.”  
“Sorry I forgot where I were, look I have to know why you did it?”

“Yeah Alex I killed him, are you happy now?”

“No, I need to know why you did it?”

“God you won’t let it drop, will you?”

“No so out with it Mulder.”

“He was going to rape me okay, also he was going to tell me all about raping you while he did it. I pulled out my spare gun and I shot him, believe me I was glad and would do it again.”

“Shit, I’m sorry that you had to suffer like that Mulder.”

“Alex I would have gladly killed him, just for what he did to you alone.”

“Shit I don’t know what to say…”

“It doesn’t matter now, it’s in the past and over with now.”

Alex suddenly sat back in his seat and became rather quiet; I couldn’t help watching him when he thought I wasn’t looking. I also couldn’t help but notice his little frown appear, maybe what I’d said had hit home somewhat.

Once we landed, I ordered a cab to take us straight to the Hoover building. It hadn’t escaped my attention that Alex was nervous, also he’d hardly spoken since the plane ride. Hell maybe it was the thought of facing Skinner again, as long as he realized I wasn’t turning him in.

“Alex are you okay?”  
“Mulder would you do me a favour before we go in?”

“I will if I can, what’s up?”

“Will you remove the cuffs; shit I can’t face Skinner like this?”

“Alex, I don’t know. Shit I’m so scared I’ll lose you again!”

“You won’t, I promise I won’t run out on you without dealing with this.”

“Yeah well, if I do you had better behave. Well that, or I could just let Skinner arrest you…”

“Look I get the point; I promise that I’ll behave Mulder.”

“Fine, I guess I’ll have to trust you then.”

We entered the Hoover and went straight to the fourth floor, Kimberly spoke to Skinner and then told us to go straight in.

“Agent Mulder, Krycek, please take a seat.”

“Thank you Sir, thanks also for confirming the flight and travel for Alex too.”

“Agent Mulder you can be stubborn and if I’d refused, you’d have just stayed in London. Also I hear that a mutual enemy has gone thanks to Krycek here, so I guess I’ll have to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

I noticed that Alex was actually quiet for once, normally he’d have had something to say to Skinner by now.

“Have you anything else to tell me Agent Mulder?”

“No Sir, I just wanted to let you know I was back.”

“Fine, how about you Krycek, have you anything to add?”

“No nothing at all.”

“Well I hope you’ve sorted out your differences now, I nearly lost a good agent because of you Krycek.”

“Sorry, I don’t follow…”

“Agent Mulder here was ready to quit, throw in the towel so he could leave the country with you. Then we were the ones left to deal with all his mood swings, hopefully he’ll be better now he has you here with him.”

“I’m sure he wasn’t that bad?”

“Yeah right, I’ve never seen anyone behave like a lovesick puppy before until now.”

“Sir is there any chance I can leave now?”

“Sorry am I embarrassing you Agent Mulder, yes you can both go now.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“Oh and Agent Mulder, you need to sort out that desk of yours.

“How come?”

“It appears a lot of work came up while you were away, look just get it cleared as soon as you can.”

“Yeah okay, Sir, where’s Scully at the moment?”

“Quantico teaching.”

Well it looked like it would be just myself and Alex, a perfect time to try and make him see sense.

XXXXXXXXXX

I followed Mulder down to his office, I also knew it would have to be sorted out today. I either accepted what he said, that or I walked. So Skinner claimed that Mulder had been willing to give it all up for me, his career and the life he’d always known.

Also there was Luis too, Mulder had been willing to kill him for what he’d done to me. Maybe I truly was the idiot after all, I’d always presumed the worst in everyone I met. It hadn’t helped with the volatile past we’d shared

I could walk out of here now and do what? To be honest I’d be no better than I were back in England, at the end of the day I had to take the risk. Before I realized it, we’d arrived at his office, Mulder entered and then held the door open for me.

“Come in and sit down Alex.”

“Thanks.”

I took a seat and just sat there, to be honest I was afraid to talk in case I fucked it up.

“Look Alex, we need to deal with all this right now, I just don’t know what to say anymore to make you believe me.”

“I just don’t understand how you could do it Mulder, hell no note or anything at all. One minute I was waiting for you, then I was in a different country on my own.”

“I did it because I love you and wanted you to be safe, you wouldn’t have survived here long with Spender. He knew that I knew something, that was why he had Luis shadow me every minute of the day.”

“That’s shit Spender buried me and thought I was dead, he even said you told him where to find me.”

“Shit I had two choices Alex, I took the one that I thought was best for you.”

I felt so hurt right now, yet every damn thing pointed to Mulder wanting me.

“So Mulder, tell me what the two choices was that you had to decide from?”

” I could have told you about Spender, how he’d dug the grave back up and knew you were alive. You wouldn’t have had a life, also we could never have been together. The other way was to make you think I didn’t want you, that way without me you’d be safe.

“Shit Mulder, do you know how much it hurt to think it was all a lie. I thought you’d just used me and then sent me away, that you never loved me at all!”

“Alex if I could have told you I would, I believe Spender found you through the email you sent. Would you have stayed away had you known I still loved you, or would you have tried contacting me?”

“I couldn’t have stayed away; I’d have come back to be with you despite Spender wanting me dead.”

“Exactly and that’s why I had to lie to you, you wouldn’t have lasted a day as Luis followed me everywhere.”

“I’m so sorry for everything Mulder, hell I couldn’t even understand why you wanted me to start with?”

“Alex, I love you, I meant every word I said back in that cabin. I would have sacrificed everything for you, then Spender told me he knew you were alive.”

“Do you know what he was going to do to me Mulder? The bastard wanted to bury me alive again, that was why he had to die.”

“Believe me, you did the right thing Alex for you and everyone else.”

I could feel the tears as they ran down my cheeks, I’d caused Mulder so much pain, yet he still wanted me back. I was even struggling to breathe now; shit I was literally a mess and falling apart. To be honest I wasn’t sure where we’d go from here, or if we still had a future together.

“Alex talk to me, hey come on we can work it all out now.”

“How? I just feel so lost right now Mulder…”

“Alex can I just hold you, you can say no if it’s not something you want?”

“God I’d give anything to have you hold me Mulder, I want it to feel like it was back in that cabin.”

Mulder stood up and came over to me, he then even knelt down to my level and hugged me. After nine months alone I finally broke, all my resolve fell apart as I sobbed in his arms.

“I’m here for you Alex, I promise that I’ll never let you go again, no matter what.”

“Do you really mean that Mulder?”

“God yes I promise, hey does that mean I can kiss you properly now?”

“I thought you’d never ask Mulder; hell are you sure you want to after what I’ve done?”

“Alex, I love you, also you never had a choice so shut up and kiss me.”

Suddenly Mulder started kissing the tears away, then within seconds his mouth found mine. I knew there and then that I couldn’t live without him, Mulder was mine now and always.

“God I’ve missed you Alex, I just want you to come home with me and never leave.”

“It’ll be my pleasure, Mulder can I just ask you something…”

“Alex you can ask me anything, never think that you can’t babe.”

“Can we go home now; I want you to make me yours once more.”

“Hell why wait? The room’s soundproofed Alex.”

With that Fox turned to face his desk, he then just shoved everything off and it all fell to the floor.

“Bend over babe…”

Hell my desk fantasy and with Fox Mulder, maybe everything might just work out after all.

Uninvited Guest

By CarolelaineD

Ninth of August 2019


End file.
